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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit disappointed not to receive any kind of thank you from niece

87 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 15/07/2008 17:19

for her present ? I think she thinks her mum has thanked us for it,which isn't quite the same thing, particularly as she was 21. It was a really nice present too,chosen very carefully and I wanted to hear what she thought of it

OP posts:
lulumama · 15/07/2008 17:20

YANBU, at 21, she is old enough to thank you persoanlly

hanaflowerisnothana · 15/07/2008 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 15/07/2008 17:25

I know it shouldn't really bother me,but it does - part of the pleasure in choosing a present is the reaction you get from it - we couldn't give it personally either and had to order it to be delivered,so she didn't get to say anything at the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 15/07/2008 17:26

ok, it's only been a week - I'm very prompt about these things, so maybe I should wait a bit longer ? have a feeling that her life is just sooo busy though...

OP posts:
MrsTiddles · 15/07/2008 18:52

You are NOT being unreasonable. I think you should let her mum (your sister / siter in law) know that you've not heard from her though. Give her a nudge / chance to rectify the situation. She's probably just not thinking its her responsibiltiy yet, when it definitely is!

AbbeyA · 15/07/2008 18:56

Perhaps you should give her a bit longer. I get my DSs to write but it takes the best part of 3 weeks.

dinny · 15/07/2008 19:01

soooo annoying, can't bear not getting a thank you, so few people seem to bother these days.

YANBU!

MrsTiddles · 15/07/2008 19:02

I think its extremely rude. I stop sending people stuff if they don't bother to acknowledge it.

Anglepoise · 15/07/2008 19:04

YANBU but a week isn't very long (I do write thank yous but am shamefully slow )

itati · 15/07/2008 19:05

Etiquette decrees if you don't write a thank you within two weeks, then don't bother.

Twiglett · 15/07/2008 19:07

my rude sister has never made any of her 3 children thank us for presents sent to them

they are teenagers now and they still don't.. not even a phone call, which IMO is more than adequate . not even to their grandparents

extremely rude

forevercleaning · 15/07/2008 19:07

she is very rude if you don't get a thank you letter.

MrsTiddles · 15/07/2008 19:10

After years of sending presents and money to my cousins, without a thank you EVER, my parents actually cut them out of their Will.

Nagapie · 15/07/2008 19:11

It is rude not to thank you for the gift - perhaps she needs a bit of a reminder when you see her next???

Thankyouandgoodnight · 15/07/2008 19:12

I agree - thank yous are an absolute must and it is extreme rudeness not to thank someone.

My DH is appalling slow at thanking people if he remembers at all and I am SO embarassed about it and end up thanking ym family on his behalf because he doesn't like 'being told what to do'. It's a nightmare. I wish one of them would phone him up and ask him if he got pressie X and if he says yes, then to say well it would have been nice to know that after putting the time in to choose something for you. Hopefully that would embarass him in to being polite in the future. Could you do that with the niece for the sake of the future and other people that buy things for her????

SNoraWotzThat · 15/07/2008 19:12

I have never had a thank you from my nephews. Oldest was 18 this year. I have come to accept it. Their mother thanks me.
For 21st birthday I think she could have made an effort to thank everyone. I would wait longer than a week. However, I would prompt her to see if she liked it and have a chat,

SNoraWotzThat · 15/07/2008 19:17

Twig we are the same. But my sister goes mental if my dc;s we do not send a card to thank her, or call her to say thanks.

Yes we have to call her to say thanks, she gets all iffy if she has to call first, to say Happy Birthday before they call to say thanks.

scottishmum007 · 15/07/2008 19:21

at least your neice's mum actually said thanks on her behalf!! you are lucky. we have two nephews and we have never had so much as a phone call to say 'thanks' for us giving our nephews presents at christmas and birthdays. v ignorant.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 15/07/2008 19:21

Having thought more, I think it would be great if you could leave it a total of 2 weeks and if still no thank you, take it upon yourself to save her and any future children that she may have of the 'not saying thank you affliction' and have a proper chat with her about it! She has years ahead of her of being given presents and it's such an awful thing to not say thank you.

Timefortea2 · 15/07/2008 19:23

Oh god, I woke up in a cold sweat the other day when I suddenly remembered we hadn't thanked DH's Aunt for a little xmas present she sent to us via his parents.

Am so that we forgot. We had just moved house and everything was hectic but there's no excuse and it's too late now to do anything.

YANBU.

Anglepoise · 15/07/2008 19:39

Timefortea2 I would still thank her! I've never heard of the two week rule and think better late than never.

TheMagnificent7 · 15/07/2008 19:51

If she was 21 then she probably had loads of presents, party etc. I'd say it's a little early to get huffy. She should say thanks, of course, but if it's that much of a problem this early then call her and ask what she thought.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 15/07/2008 19:58

thanks for all the imput - I'll wait and will probably leave it be..I know she does write to thank her grandparents for presents/money etc. Her older sister is quite lax too and their male cousin never thanks anyone...of course I forgive them anything as I'm fond of them but it's something I've been brought up to do - in fact I get teased for my extreme promptness in writing a thank you !

OP posts:
itati · 15/07/2008 20:21

Timefortea - I would thank her now and tell her how sorry you are but it slipped your mind with the hectic move. It will still mean something to her.

juneybean · 16/07/2008 00:12

She should have thanked you, I sent thank you cards on my 21st