Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit disappointed not to receive any kind of thank you from niece

87 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 15/07/2008 17:19

for her present ? I think she thinks her mum has thanked us for it,which isn't quite the same thing, particularly as she was 21. It was a really nice present too,chosen very carefully and I wanted to hear what she thought of it

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 12:13

for the last time,I'm not expecting her to send a card, nor did I choose the present with the intention of her sending me a thank you card, I just think it is normal to acknowledge a present in some way

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 31/07/2008 12:14

hope you are not being rude to me getting exasperated for the last time

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 12:15

I'm never rude , we'll have to agree to differ I guess...

OP posts:
Flier · 31/07/2008 12:20

could you maybe email her and ask her if she received your gift. We never get a thankyou or even any sort of acknowledgement that our neice and nephews have rcvd our gifts (always posted). For all we know it could have got lost in the post.

ScottishMummy · 31/07/2008 12:23

send a good luck with your exams card, and PS hope you liked the present

Uriel · 31/07/2008 12:24

Just curious, MAS, what would you want her to do if she didn't like the present? - as you say you're not expecting a card.

zazen · 31/07/2008 12:35

I think an acknowledgment of receiving the present is very important - you say her mum has confirmed receipt, then I would expect at 21 (FFS) she could get her thumbs moving and text you at least herself. I thought you were talking about a CHILD

Maybe you could phone her up herself and ask her out straight 'did you like the present as I've not heard, and I don't feel like bothering my barney in future for an ungrateful wretch' - at 21, that kind of wake up call is probably a more important gift to her than anything you have ever given her.

I never get a message from my BIL as to whether the presents I buy and send even arrive in the post for his two (aged 11 and 4). So I guess you're lucky!

ScottishMummy · 31/07/2008 12:39

um yes calling someone an "ungrateful wretch" to demonstrate good manners.how ironic

out of interest then would you only umm bother your barney for an acknowledgement

no acknowledgement - no barney

slightlycrumpled · 31/07/2008 12:44

Some people just don't put the same emphasis on these things as others. It doesn't mean they are rude.

My very good friend gives out thank you letters two days after recieving the gift on behalf of her children.

It ALWAYS takes me at least a fortnight to do them after a party. In fact DS1 took his to school after his last birthday in September and then bought them all home again in December when he cleared his tray for the Christmas holiday! I expect I was the topic of many a 'how rude not to thank' conversation in the playground.

It's always nice to be thanked, but think you should probably forget about it now or send a text saying hi and ask if she liked the gift if it's bothering you.

ScottishMummy · 31/07/2008 12:50

some folk have kind heart and terrible memory. my friend
no baby card
no birthday card, she probably doesnt remember date
no acknowledgement of pressies

my friend is wonderful and forgetful but she cares a lot that is what matters

not being seen to do the right thing

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 13:02

I knew she'd like the present, but if she didn't I wouldn't mind...it hadn't occurred to me she wouldn't - if I didn't like a prsent I'd never say as I'm always happy that someone has thought of me and has got me something. I just wanted to know that she enjoyed it ( it was lots of Montezuma chocolate - she loves chocolate) ...

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 13:05

people can be busy and have kind hearts of course, but a really kind hearted person would see the present and think, oh yes, let's just email * and say that was a great thought,thank you !

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 31/07/2008 18:22

equally a really kind hearted person would require no response, and give it no further thought

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 18:53

well I absolutely won't hold it against her and will feel no differently about her, but it really is sad that people don't think beyond their own needs

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 31/07/2008 19:00

equally sad that you assume some people dont think beyond their needs.but you want your's met (eg response for present given)

piggysgal · 31/07/2008 19:24

Why is it necessary to get into a Freudian interpretation of the gift-giver's motives FGS? If you receive a present, you thank the person who has given it to you, whether you are 12, 21 or 51. It's good manners. I expect good manners and make no excuse for it. Sadly good manners seem to be going out of fashion. The niece is bad mannered. End of story.

Uriel · 31/07/2008 19:28

I think if you expect anything from someone when you've given them a present, you're not doing it with the purest motive of wanting to please them. You're doing it, at least partly, for the payback of a card, a phonecall, an email thanking you for your wonderful choice of present, how thoughtful of you. What a nice person you are...

And sometimes, you don't get that response because the person doesn't like the gift but has no idea on earth how to acknowledge it while not lying that they liked it.

ipanemagirl · 31/07/2008 19:29

YANBU
My grandparents stopped sending presents the the gc who didn't thank them!

ipanemagirl · 31/07/2008 19:30

YANBU
My grandparents stopped sending presents the the gc who didn't thank them!

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 19:30

you aren't going to leave this alone are you ?
I think it's a sad old world where people don't think of others - it wouldn't occur to me to not acknowledge something someone had done for me/given me - I always write/phone/email just to say thanks or that I'd received something - it's good manners, I was brought up that way and sadly many people think that that's silly and doesn't matter but it should - it's a small and nice thing to do, it makes people feel good and appreciated - you don't have to be all gushy and over the top - I'm sure you'll disagree and that's up to you. I don't expect thanks because so many people don't bother, that is what I find sad. I don't give people prrsents or do things just so they'll be ever so grateful - I do it because it gives me pleasure to pick something they might like and it would be nice to know that they received it safely.

OP posts:
JuneBugJen · 31/07/2008 19:33

YANBU. At 21 I partied the night away, was a right strumpet and lived life to the full... but STILL knew it was the right thing to do to write and say thank you.

Its just a nice thing to do

Don't stew, but perhaps mention something jokingly next time you see her. Perhaps suggest a thank you text.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/07/2008 19:34

crikey, you are giving me an unreasonably hard time about this too Uriel - I have said from the start that I don't give in order to receive thanks - and I take exception to your doubting that I am a nice person - that is nasty and totally unfair - in my op I was just disappointed not to have heard from my niece herself because it is good manners to acknowledge a present - It doesn't mean that I will bear a grudge or feel badly about her - I just thought it was accepted good manners to do so - no card necessary, just a text or email would be lovely. Plus the present was something I knew absolutely she'd love,the very thing, and I would have loved to hear how much she enjoyed it. That is all, no sinister motives.

OP posts:
JuneBugJen · 31/07/2008 19:41

How about for her next present give her a set of thank you notelets? Just the thing.

I think you sound like a nice person MaryAnn, don't worry! In fact, you all sound like nice, strongly opinioned people

snooks · 31/07/2008 19:45

MAS i can't believe you are being given a hard time over this and that your point has been misconstrued by some.

If your neice had received your gift in person not by post then I'm sure she would have said "thank you". As I understand it, all you are expecting is the same curtesy, be it by text/phone/email whatever.

Simple good manners, that is all. YANBU.

Apologies if that has already been said, will read whole thread now.

Uriel · 31/07/2008 19:50

Gosh, I don't want to be nasty or give you a hard time, MAS, just trying to put an alternative point of view. Sorry if I've upset you.

But, but, did you read my last post? It gives me pleasure knowing I gave a lovely present (hopefully!) without having to hear it from the receiver. Equally, if they think my taste is poor, they don't need to embarrass me or themselves by letting me know about it.

It works for me, obviously doesn't for you. Different strokes and all that.