Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman is a cow? (topic may offend/upset)

432 replies

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:14

Was waiting for a bus yesterday, while at bus stop I saw a mother, dd (approx age 4) and grandma come to bus stop, had seen them earlier walking down the street.

DD didnt want to go on the bus she was crying saying she wanted to stay with granny. Mother mentioned to granny than dd was tired - hadnt slept that day. Mother started to wind the child up eg "you ARE going on the bus"..."noooo mummy dont want to" ..."well you are so there!"

Petty back and forth argument which was frankly rediculas, dd tried to walk away from the bus stop, the mother turned it in to an almost game, mother was laughing and chasing her but shouting swear words at her and telling her she was going to "batter you when we get in" I was Then heard a whack, and looked round to see the mum hit the child 2x. Child started sobbing - from her point of view mum was chasing her laughing next min she was being hit)

Now hittings not to my taste, but I realise some people do this so I just tried to look away - small bus stop though so not really possible.

Child was then wingey (was being ignored by mum who only spoke to her to swear at her) Child then said "I am NOT goin on bus I want to go to grannys" (I though no fekking wonder) And the mother literally dragged dd by her arm along ground. DD fell to ground sobbing, mother grabbed her collar and lifted her up by it shouting and swearing and whacked her 5 more times.

At this point bus came, I told woman if she hit her dd in my sight once more id call police. (Now in retrospect I shouldnt have said that, I should have just called, but I was furious and not thinking straight) We got on same bus mother told me to "fucking go ahead then"...so I did. (mother was now dragging child up bus by arm, I dont mean pulling I mean literally dragging, then whacking her again when she wouldnt sit on seat.

Police car was sent right away but didnt arrive in time before she got off the bus I gave a description etc. But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her" (I felt like saying go on then, Id rather take the pain than a poor child, then you will go to prison, child will go to foster care and be better off)

I wish Id followed them, police didnt get them If I ever see them again will phone again.

If she does that in public wtf does she do at home.

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 15/07/2008 16:30

If the police were really worried about the child they would have taken names and addresses of the all the witnesses

seems to me a storm in a teaccup

but like I say I wasnt there

Joolyjoolyjoo · 15/07/2008 16:30

elmoandella- yup!! I think my finest hour was when dd2 set about me in Argos with her Peppa Pig umbrella! Thankfully the fact that she charged at me from a distance allowed me to sidestep like a mummy-matador at the requisite moment! It really was worth rebuilding that display just to see her face. I feigned surprise and gasped "Oh my goodness- how did THAT happen?"

weblette · 15/07/2008 16:31

Cblady, you did the right thing.

Kerrymum, what planet are you on??? There's NO justification for treating a child like that, no matter how frustrated/anxious/agitated the mother might have been.

Lizzylou · 15/07/2008 16:32

Frasersmummy, when I am trying to get my 4 yr old to do something I don't verbally and physically abuse him (or his 2 yr old brother), it was serious enough for the police to take notice of the OP.

SixSpotBurnet · 15/07/2008 16:35

I think well done the OP.

frasersmummy · 15/07/2008 16:35

of course the police took notice if the op told then this story

but they took no further action.. didnt ask others for witness statements etc

seems to me it has been blown out of porportion

and well done to all the mums who can say I can keep my temper.. must be nice to be the perfect parent.

Original poster
crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 16:36

frasersmummy they did take name and address (twice infact)

OP posts:
davidtennantsmistress · 15/07/2008 16:40

FM - I'm certianly not a perfect parent and do loose my temper sometime - but what the OP was saying is out of order pure and simple.

what would you all of have said if it was one adult and another - bullying, abuse, I still can't get my head around the idea that you can't treat an adult like this as it's bullying/assault yet it's ok to hit/beat etc your child as a form of control & get them to do things the way you want?? where's the logic - jsut because a child is younger doesn't make them any less of a person, or that they should be treated differently.

noonki · 15/07/2008 16:40

frasersmummy - I think you are completely wrong,

I'm sure we have all got to a point where we are about to lose it with our kids at some point but I can say I would never let it get that out of hand, that women was completely out of order. Poor kid.

I think that CBlady was absolutley spot on. well done that was really brave and you should be commended. If a child is treated like that in public then god only knows what happens at home.

I have the fun of sitting in on social service case conferences and the big question is so often - why was this not reported before -

In all awful cases of neglect et al the neighbours always come out afterwards saying... somebody should have done something those kids were always getting hit.. and yet they never reported it themselves. Or the classic - the services/neightbours were to scared of the abusing parents... so think about how their poor kids feel,

Also - the police taking statements - you have to be kidding - generally speaking they want to pass over to have as little to do with it as possible -

noonki · 15/07/2008 16:40

frasersmummy - I think you are completely wrong,

I'm sure we have all got to a point where we are about to lose it with our kids at some point but I can say I would never let it get that out of hand, that women was completely out of order. Poor kid.

I think that CBlady was absolutley spot on. well done that was really brave and you should be commended. If a child is treated like that in public then god only knows what happens at home.

I have the fun of sitting in on social service case conferences and the big question is so often - why was this not reported before -

In all awful cases of neglect et al the neighbours always come out afterwards saying... somebody should have done something those kids were always getting hit.. and yet they never reported it themselves. Or the classic - the services/neightbours were to scared of the abusing parents... so think about how their poor kids feel,

Also - the police taking statements - you have to be kidding - generally speaking they want to pass over to have as little to do with it as possible -

davidtennantsmistress · 15/07/2008 16:40

(sorry saying had happened)

Lizzylou · 15/07/2008 16:41

I have lost my temper countless times with my two, they know how to push all the buttons and can drive me up the wall.
I can honestly say that I have never sworn at or hit them. I have a really short fuse and have never been known for my patience.
There is a difference to being strung out and verbal and physical abuse.
What the OP witnessed was abuse and was not and should never be considered normal parenting, no excuses.

Lizzylou · 15/07/2008 16:41

I have lost my temper countless times with my two, they know how to push all the buttons and can drive me up the wall.
I can honestly say that I have never sworn at or hit them. I have a really short fuse and have never been known for my patience.
There is a difference to being strung out and verbal and physical abuse.
What the OP witnessed was abuse and was not and should never be considered normal parenting, no excuses.

cory · 15/07/2008 16:41

Of course it is impossible for us to judge how hard the child was being hit. But the OP has done her best to give us the impression that this was more than your average smacking. I am sure she has seen enough of that to judge- anyone can see that any day of the week by going down the local supermarket. What she is trying to convey is a sense of something different, something more likely to cause harm and injury.

Or are you saying, frasersmummy, that because some parents give their children reasonable chastisement in the form of smacks, noone should ever interfere even if a child is being hit much harder than this?

As for police's reaction, until very recently it was very hard to get a policeman to interfere in a case of domestic violence. Doesn't mean that wives did not die at the hands of abusive husbands. Just that the general attitude of a copper called to the house would have been that this was a storm in a teacup.

edam · 15/07/2008 16:42

well done, crazybuslady. If she's like that in public, God knows what she does to the poor little girl in private. Maybe the fact that you spoke to her and (maybe?) she saw you calling the police will have made her think twice.

frasersmummy · 15/07/2008 16:45

well then I misread/missed a post and I apologise.

If it was as bad as you made out then well done you

gscrym · 15/07/2008 16:47

To answer the original question, no you're not being unreasonable, this woman was a cow.

themildmanneredjanitor · 15/07/2008 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinkerBellesMum · 15/07/2008 16:51

of course the police took notice if the op told then this story

What makes you think she was lying? That is the inference from your post.

I should imagine the reason they didn't take names and addresses is because they had no way of catching her so unless someone said "I know where they live" there was little point.

Spero · 15/07/2008 16:52

Frasersmummy, did you miss this bit of the post?

But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her"

So not only does she hit her own child, hard, 7-8 times, she threatens the op, in front of the child.

If this is a storm in a teacup, i wouldn't like to see your teacups.

elmoandella · 15/07/2008 16:55

joolyjoo

Lauriefairycake · 15/07/2008 16:56

The very fact that she threatened to assault you for calling the police is enough for you to actually call them in my book.

Woman's a loon not just for hitting children but for threatening strangers in the street.

I hope they catch her and I hope her child is given to someone who doesn't hit her 8 times and call her a cunt.

You did the right thing and I hope anyone who sees a child being battered 7 or 8 times will call the police - you never know you might prevent a death

This is NOT the same as a smack (god, how I hate that word) or being shouted at

Can't believe people are unable to see the difference

SNoraWotzThat · 15/07/2008 17:00

How sad.

I wonder what advice and off duty police officer would give if they had been waiting at the bus stop and on the same route?

lucyellensmum · 15/07/2008 17:29

how awful, what a nasty woman. But i think you did the wrong thing actually. Because if she is an abusive mother, you may have made things worse for the DD when she got home The thing is, you saying that to the woman is not going to stop her behaviour because in her eyes (ignorant bitch that she sounds) she is probably not in the wrtong and this sort of thing probably happens all the time around her. Probably happened to her when she was growing up.

Saying that, i don't think i could have kept my mouth shut either so no YANBU. Sadly there are lots of mothers like this. For one reason or another.

I can only imagine that she was at the end of her tether and just cracked, we don't know her situation really. I do try to remember that when i have my Little Ms Judgey knickers on but it is hard i agree.

lucyellensmum · 15/07/2008 17:31

mildmanneredjanitor - how can you even begin to give advice on here when your children eat that sort of thing