to think this woman is a cow? (topic may offend/upset)

[crazybuslady]

Was waiting for a bus yesterday, while at bus stop I saw a mother, dd (approx age 4) and grandma come to bus stop, had seen them earlier walking down the street.

DD didnt want to go on the bus she was crying saying she wanted to stay with granny. Mother mentioned to granny than dd was tired - hadnt slept that day. Mother started to wind the child up eg "you ARE going on the bus"..."noooo mummy dont want to" ..."well you are so there!"

Petty back and forth argument which was frankly rediculas, dd tried to walk away from the bus stop, the mother turned it in to an almost game, mother was laughing and chasing her but shouting swear words at her and telling her she was going to "batter you when we get in" I was Then heard a whack, and looked round to see the mum hit the child 2x. Child started sobbing - from her point of view mum was chasing her laughing next min she was being hit)

Now hittings not to my taste, but I realise some people do this so I just tried to look away - small bus stop though so not really possible.

Child was then wingey (was being ignored by mum who only spoke to her to swear at her) Child then said "I am NOT goin on bus I want to go to grannys" (I though no fekking wonder) And the mother literally dragged dd by her arm along ground. DD fell to ground sobbing, mother grabbed her collar and lifted her up by it shouting and swearing and whacked her 5 more times.

At this point bus came, I told woman if she hit her dd in my sight once more id call police. (Now in retrospect I shouldnt have said that, I should have just called, but I was furious and not thinking straight) We got on same bus mother told me to "fucking go ahead then"...so I did. (mother was now dragging child up bus by arm, I dont mean pulling I mean literally dragging, then whacking her again when she wouldnt sit on seat.

Police car was sent right away but didnt arrive in time before she got off the bus I gave a description etc. But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her" (I felt like saying go on then, Id rather take the pain than a poor child, then you will go to prison, child will go to foster care and be better off)

I wish Id followed them, police didnt get them If I ever see them again will phone again.

If she does that in public wtf does she do at home.

i think that the mother handled it in the best way she's always known how to, the chances are her parents treated her that way when she was her DD's age. It's very harrowing, but it happens so often, mainly behind closed doors. Poor wee mite though, she will end up hitting out like her mother if they don't get it resolved.
well done for interfering, crazybuslady. that says alot for you to have done that, the mother could have pulled out a knife and attacked you. if i was in your situation i probably would have had to say something myself. i can't stand to see kids being hit like that. they don't know any better.
we all know what it's like when they throw a wobbler in a public place just to 'humiliate' us but infact they don't always do it to wind us up, sadly some parents feel that's what's happening. there's always alternatives tohandling the situation other than being abusive.

KatieDD, I was thinking that too. Tink loves the modern buses that have a tour of the on bus CCTV, she waits for herself to come round and gets really excited. Maybe there is less crime in Scotland than Brum?

My own brother was in a similar situation came out of school and a friend of his was being beaten with the metal from an advesting thing. They started on him too and everyone left them. A teacher came out and had to lie on my brother to protect him till the police came. Fortunately they were caught and are now Sched 1 (Mum took great delight in pointing it out to a Clark's where the ring leader was working in the specialist children't deparment )

ELMO - that of course now is the flip side isn't it - but if it protects a child or puts them on the radars for potential abuse then i'd have to do it I think.

KatieDD that is terrible about your brother, how is he?

Anybody in that situation should do exactly as the OP did, wait until they are on the bus and then call the police or get the driver to radio for help, the woman wouldn't have been burnt at the stake, she'd have been educated, what's wrong with that ?

I can only applaud the OP for calling the police - would have probably said to the woman that I was going to too if I'd been in the same situation, give her a chance to moderate her behaviour... but fortunately I've never seen anyone repeatedly hitting and swearing at a child
This woman was bullying her dd and providing the poor little thing with her own emotional repetoire for the future
Standing up for this kind of behaviour is bollocks KerryMum

Oh he's fine, well I have other issues with him at the moment lol, but it was a good 8 years ago.
I was more angry at the people stood doing nothing than the attacker tbh, how could anybody allow a kid (he was 15) to be hurt like that and do nothing, I can't stand all this, they might have a knife crap, do something else then call the police, hit the fire alarm, just do something.

Totally agree with OP. Good on you .

those who say that she was OTT in calling police would you call police if an adult was dragging another adult around , smacking them round the head and swearing at them ?

Or would you think 'ah they're having a bad day '

Knobheads

Scottish mummy007- I agree with most of your post but think that I was hit as a child/ therefore I hit my kids argument is awful -

My ex had possibly the worst upbringing imaginable and when he became a father (not to my kids) he catagorically decided never to lay a hand on his kids. they are now 14 and 12 and he never has.

That is such a cop out the I had a shit time therefore so should my kids-

noonki, sadly that's what happens 'the abused becoming the abuser' cycle. it's actually quite common, but ofcourse, there are people like your DH that were not in that category and knew better. Perhaps your DH had the confidence to see through his childhood misery and rise above it when having kids himself.
Not all people have that confidence (this is where the woman with the 4yo who was being abusive at the bus stop comes into it). Lack of self esteem, and as others have said, lack of education on how to disclipline her DD.

sorry i meant your ex, noonki.

abuse does not necessarily result in abusive parenting.this is quite a contentious theory, as it emphasises the self fulfilling inevitability.

humans have
motivation
volition
ability to learn from mistakes
ability to reflect and learn from experiences

i can see how this preposition could be hurtful and scary to those who have experienced abusive situations

and also sad it's so common. I hate it.

Sometimes the problem is to recognise what happened to you was wrong means you have to accept that you were treated in a bad way. It's part of what keeps circumcision alive in America.

you are right, scottishmummy, abuse doesn't necessarily result in abusive parenting but sometimes it does. it's just a matter of fact, i've seen a lot of it first hand and it's the same pattern, different families. not everyone has the confidence in life to overcome how they were treated as a youngster.that's the difference between those that abuse later on in life with their own offspring, and those who are able to treat their offspring with respect.

SM07 yes some socio-economic and experiential factors can lead to increased propensity to poor parenting.but there is no genetic trans-generational link of abuse cycle

when working with disturbed or distressed people it is important to remember each presentation is new, and people do have the propensity to change (with support, therapy etc)

i digress from the OP, everyone needs to act to their conscience.CBL was clearly alarmed

What's wrong with calling the police?

If she hasn't committed a crime that's for them to decide, and if she has then she will be prosecuted.

That's how society works.

I do agree with you 007, but it is very easily used by some to excuse abusive behaviour of any description

but scottishmummy is right we all make our own choices, though that can be the more difficult road as it relies on looking at your own parents critically which can be hard.

nope, not claiming at all that there's a genetic link. you've misunderstood my point.
in general, the patterns are v similar where the abused becomes the abuser. but to look at each case individually, yes, there are instances where people do have the ability to change. i agree.

this is a bit cyclical!read my post again.i know you didn't suggest trans-generational link. i was merely citing acknowledged theory

some people in society find it hard to make the right choices, and so they go with what they've known all their lives. most of us do look up to our parents for advice on parenting, why wouldn't we. if we've turned out to be good citizens ourselves, there's no reason why not to. shame that not everyone gets the best start in life and so they know no other way other than to abuse. i know it's hard to believe but there are people out there that genuinely don't know any better on how to treat other people.

cyclical is good. it's great fun going round and round in circles.spend alot of my day doing that at home!

lol dinnae get in a fankle