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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18

Original poster

to think this woman is a cow? (topic may offend/upset)

432 replies

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:14

Was waiting for a bus yesterday, while at bus stop I saw a mother, dd (approx age 4) and grandma come to bus stop, had seen them earlier walking down the street.

DD didnt want to go on the bus she was crying saying she wanted to stay with granny. Mother mentioned to granny than dd was tired - hadnt slept that day. Mother started to wind the child up eg "you ARE going on the bus"..."noooo mummy dont want to" ..."well you are so there!"

Petty back and forth argument which was frankly rediculas, dd tried to walk away from the bus stop, the mother turned it in to an almost game, mother was laughing and chasing her but shouting swear words at her and telling her she was going to "batter you when we get in" I was Then heard a whack, and looked round to see the mum hit the child 2x. Child started sobbing - from her point of view mum was chasing her laughing next min she was being hit)

Now hittings not to my taste, but I realise some people do this so I just tried to look away - small bus stop though so not really possible.

Child was then wingey (was being ignored by mum who only spoke to her to swear at her) Child then said "I am NOT goin on bus I want to go to grannys" (I though no fekking wonder) And the mother literally dragged dd by her arm along ground. DD fell to ground sobbing, mother grabbed her collar and lifted her up by it shouting and swearing and whacked her 5 more times.

At this point bus came, I told woman if she hit her dd in my sight once more id call police. (Now in retrospect I shouldnt have said that, I should have just called, but I was furious and not thinking straight) We got on same bus mother told me to "fucking go ahead then"...so I did. (mother was now dragging child up bus by arm, I dont mean pulling I mean literally dragging, then whacking her again when she wouldnt sit on seat.

Police car was sent right away but didnt arrive in time before she got off the bus I gave a description etc. But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her" (I felt like saying go on then, Id rather take the pain than a poor child, then you will go to prison, child will go to foster care and be better off)

I wish Id followed them, police didnt get them If I ever see them again will phone again.

If she does that in public wtf does she do at home.

OP posts:

Spero · 15/07/2008 15:45

Yes I would drag a whingey child. I have dragged a whingey child.

But if I hit my child 7-8 times and then threatened to assault on on looking who said something, I would hope I got arrested quickly before I did something worse.

Original poster

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:46

Kerry mum the bus wasnt there yet. The child was just SAYING she didnt want to go on the bus. The mother was not playing with her she was laughing but screaming at her...want to know what she was screaming? "you fucking wee shit, your gonnae get on that fucking bus else il skelp yer fuckin bum so hard you wont know whats hit you, little bitch"

lovely lady isnt she

OP posts:

gscrym · 15/07/2008 15:47

Where are you crazybuslady, sounds like the land of the weedgie.

elmoandella · 15/07/2008 15:48

kerry , you want to know what you do if your child refuses to get on the bus.

you pick them up and put them on wether or not they like it. you don't even have to shout or swear or hit. that is rising to the bait. they can do whatever they want, shout scream kick. but as a parent you have to learn to rise about it and take control.

belgo · 15/07/2008 15:48

KM- I know how difficult four year olds can be - I have one - one who is very strong and stubborn. I've held her in a rugby hold to get her onto a bus, she was half undressed at the time as she's stripped off her clothes at the bus stop. She had been tantruming all day.

I managed without hitting her, or swearing at her, and when I got home, I put her in another room on her own and cried.

Original poster

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:48

your right

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 15/07/2008 15:49

I have 4 dc and have had shit shit days with them. But i have never ever belted my dc 7-8 times. There is no excuse. You were right to intervene OP. If more people did there would be less kids getting the shit kicked out of them by their bampot parents!!

elmoandella · 15/07/2008 15:49

belgo, i like your style

MadamAnt · 15/07/2008 15:50

kerrymum - I think you're being deliberately contentious on this thread.

LilRedWhiskGers · 15/07/2008 15:51

I would drag my child or carry kicking and screaming, but there is no way that thumping a child is acceptable, no matter how hard life can be. DD can drive me to my limits, but I would never take my problems out on her.

KerryMum · 15/07/2008 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spero · 15/07/2008 15:51

I used to think the call to outlaw smacking of children was nonsense, do you mean to criminalise parents who just snap momentarily in Tescos etc, etc...

But when hearing about things like this I find I am totally in agreement with all those who argue that permitting 'reasonable chastisement' of children is just promoting a society where violence against children is seen as legitimate.

I've every sympathy with the parent who 'snaps' in frustrating situations. but she doesn't sound like one of those. She sounds like a nasty violent thug and for that little girl's sake I hope the police catch up with her soon.

cocolepew · 15/07/2008 15:52

I've said something to a woman in the playground, who was lifting up snow and smearing in , what turned out to be her neices, face. The child was in absolute hysterics, crying and saying the snow was in her eyes and was hurting her. The aunt was laughing with her friends and grinding it in her face. I took the child of her and into the school. The teacher said the family, in particular the Aunt, were known to SS. The Aunt and her cronies were waiting for me when I came out. Good for you for speaking out, some people are just shits.

cocolepew · 15/07/2008 15:52

mrsmaddyd · 15/07/2008 15:52

It doesnt matter how bad the child is. Resorting to violence is not the ans and as an adult, bad day or not, hitting a child should not be tolerated. It sounds like she was hitting the child out of sheer frustration. What will the child learn from that??????
Sounds like the mum needs anger management. if i hit my children every time i had a bad day i would have been comitted by now.
I hope the woman is completeley ashamed of herself

MadamAnt · 15/07/2008 15:53

If you saw a woman screaming and thumping another adult repeatedly, would you think it OTT to call the police? Especially if the thumpee was significantly smaller and weaker and unable to defend him/herself?

LilRedWhiskGers · 15/07/2008 15:53

Belgo, both my DD and my four year old niece have had me in tears. As you say, you get them home, separate yourself and then get it out of your system. If the mother was struggling that much, she should have asked the amused granny to help out.

Lizzylou · 15/07/2008 15:53

I saw this post before I went off and did some work and just knew that someone would accuse you of judging.
Hitting and swearing at a 4 yr old like that is wrong, no matter how depressed/stressed/upset you are. The Op was describing abuse and was obviously upset at what she had witnessed.
You did the right thing Crazybuslady, I hope if I was ever in that situation I would be as brave.

Original poster

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:54

I have bad days too, I feel at end of my tether, the child was hard work I could see that. But imagine how the mother would have reacted had I said "can i offer some parenting tips"??!!!

In an ideal world I could have magically got her reffered to a parenting class, learn how to work with her dd and there we go.

Now while I work in this field, I dont have the power to do that so calling police was only was I could help this child. I felt sorry for the mother up to a point, she was having a hard time yes. But I felt MORE sorry for the child, as she is simply a child.

OP posts:

Spero · 15/07/2008 15:54

I think it highly unlikely she is ashamed of herself if she volunteered to 'batter' the op for intervening. She most likely knows no other way to deal with situations than to offer violence and threats.

branflake81 · 15/07/2008 15:55

I agree with Kerrymum. I think calling the police was out of order.

RusselBrussel · 15/07/2008 15:55

Kerrymum 7-8 whacks is NOT reasonable chastisement. Maybe the mum could not help herself, but that is no excuse. If she is soo frazzled that she hits her little dd 7-8 times then she needs help. Unfortunately that help will only come once she has been reported as she does not sound in any state of mind to contact her hv herself.

Funny how this mum 'must be having a bad day' but the teacher who pushed your ds into his seat was just plain evil ?

MadamAnt · 15/07/2008 15:56

Quite, RusselBrussel.

LilRedWhiskGers · 15/07/2008 15:56

Definitely the right thing - as someone else said, you would call the police if you saw another adult being assaulted. A smack is a far cry from this physical and verbal abuse.

nooka · 15/07/2008 15:56

I have had the delight of a four year old (and older) not wanting to get on the bus (or similar) throwing enormous tantrums in public and generally being very difficult. I have dragged him and I have shouted at him (but never sworn) to the extent that I have been ashamed at my behaviour (sometimes you just know you are making the situation worse, but you can't seem to help yourself). But I have never hit him (I think I smacked once or twice at home but a it wasn't very effective, and b it made me feel awful).
whacking a child repeatedly whilst swearing at them is not reasonable chastisement!

Crazybuslady I bet you are feeling awful - I once witnessed a similar situation and worried for weeks afterwards if the kids were OK.

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