to think this woman is a cow? (topic may offend/upset)

[crazybuslady]

Was waiting for a bus yesterday, while at bus stop I saw a mother, dd (approx age 4) and grandma come to bus stop, had seen them earlier walking down the street.

DD didnt want to go on the bus she was crying saying she wanted to stay with granny. Mother mentioned to granny than dd was tired - hadnt slept that day. Mother started to wind the child up eg "you ARE going on the bus"..."noooo mummy dont want to" ..."well you are so there!"

Petty back and forth argument which was frankly rediculas, dd tried to walk away from the bus stop, the mother turned it in to an almost game, mother was laughing and chasing her but shouting swear words at her and telling her she was going to "batter you when we get in" I was Then heard a whack, and looked round to see the mum hit the child 2x. Child started sobbing - from her point of view mum was chasing her laughing next min she was being hit)

Now hittings not to my taste, but I realise some people do this so I just tried to look away - small bus stop though so not really possible.

Child was then wingey (was being ignored by mum who only spoke to her to swear at her) Child then said "I am NOT goin on bus I want to go to grannys" (I though no fekking wonder) And the mother literally dragged dd by her arm along ground. DD fell to ground sobbing, mother grabbed her collar and lifted her up by it shouting and swearing and whacked her 5 more times.

At this point bus came, I told woman if she hit her dd in my sight once more id call police. (Now in retrospect I shouldnt have said that, I should have just called, but I was furious and not thinking straight) We got on same bus mother told me to "fucking go ahead then"...so I did. (mother was now dragging child up bus by arm, I dont mean pulling I mean literally dragging, then whacking her again when she wouldnt sit on seat.

Police car was sent right away but didnt arrive in time before she got off the bus I gave a description etc. But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her" (I felt like saying go on then, Id rather take the pain than a poor child, then you will go to prison, child will go to foster care and be better off)

I wish Id followed them, police didnt get them If I ever see them again will phone again.

If she does that in public wtf does she do at home.

By 2shoes on Wed 16-Jul-08 11:29:24
sadly I think some of the posts on here show what is wrong with things today. worrying more about the attacker than the victim.

Couldnt agree more. This is why so many children are abused. Because the abuser CAN. He/she is left to do it, because people care more about the abuser than the abused.

Where I am now, there has been 3 incidents reported by my local newspaper where parents have faced a prison sentence for child abuse. They have been caught because bystanders have been concerned enough to call the police. I can only hope that this has been a turning point for some children. Coincidentally, not long after there has been advertisemens by the department of health in the newspaper for foster carers to come foreward for children in same age group/gender as reported in the newspaper just a little while earlier. Child abuse SHOULD be dealt with. Only the community CAN do something to help these children as the parents sure as hell wont, not as long as they are the reason their childrens lives are all but rosy and happy.

I really despair when some people are so concerned with the well being of the parent, that they are willing to let children be abused.

och i've read or skimmed through the rest of this thread and i've got to say ppl should give KM a break. she's got her opinion on this and lets just accept that's how she feels. I don't expect everyone to agree on my POV. I can see where she is coming from. It's all relative. To the woman who dragged her DD at the bus stop onto the bus, that's probably one of those bad days that we all have, except she didn't restrain herself when out in public, and just let rip whereas the rest of us have better coping skills.
I would be lying if I said i was the perfect parent 24/7, i've had the days when I've had to put DS in his cot and just walk away (downstairs) to get a break from it all. Sometimes being a parent is enough to drive you to drink, but there are great days too which makes it all worthwhile i have to say.
I really can't stand it when we all bash other people on these forums, just because they aren't going along with the general consensus.

km as you keep reminding us we werent there only CBL, so actually it was her conscience call. you have taken a particularly obtuse and inconsistent approach on this topic

1 put your halo away everyone dont over react about woman hitting girl at bus stop.no intervention just a bag of sweeties for mum and a kind word then?

2 you complain it is terrible that no one informs SS about abuse of a child on your estate

so why is CBL as concerned member of public wrong to act?
Yet you complain about unconcerned members of public on your estate. Have you informed the police about this abuse on your estate?

you berate us for assuming mum is potentially homicidal serial abuser

yet you based on the same OP assume this mum is a stressed out looking for support regular lady having a bad day

are you privvy to some other corroborating that noone else is?

and yes I agree, there's alot of twisting peoples words on this forum.
don't worry KM, I am happy to listen to you POV.

You know, if I see an adult beating a child (and 7 or 8 thumps and dragging them round while shouting and screaming threats and obscenities IS beating!) I can think a) oh, poor person having a bad day, they're probably a great parent mostly. If I see them again and they're beating the child then, maybe it's a problem, but I've only seen them beat the child once, so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
or I can think b) beating a child is unacceptable. It is a total betrayal of the trust a child has in the very people who are supposed to love and protect them. It may be a one off or it may be a pattern. I cannot tell which and I will do nothing on the assumption that this child does not receive regular beatings.

If I intervene unnecessarily then the parent will be cross or humiliated - but also will perhaps get some help or advice. If I do not intervene because I want to assume they are acting totally out of character then that may be true, but equally that child may be thumped daily or I may even one day see a picture of that child on the ten o'clock news.

I would rather feel guilty about upsetting an adult than feel guilty about doing nothing while a child was beaten.

I would feel very sorry for the woman if she'd just discovered she had cancer or granny was dying etc but I would still judge her for doing what the OP described (especially if her OH beat her). Sorry if that makes me heartless. I would not judge her for a single slap in times of extreme stress, but that is not what the OP describes.

I said I would judge - should explain, I would judge it to be assault, and worthy of calling the police in the same way as any other assault.

The girl was 4. Her wrongdoing was to not want to go on the bus.

it's sad from the child but i think KM is trying to emphasise that her mother may have really been struggling on that particular day and felt the only way to cope was to drag DD onto the bus.
not into handing bags of sweets out personally, but I may have approached the woman and asked her if she wants a hand with DD onto the bus.
i've helped alcoholics up off the street in the past and wouldn't look down my nose at someone who is really not coping well as a parent, I understand even more how hard it is now that i'm a parent myself.
it's a real 'point the finger' society we live in these days. people are just looking for others to do something wrong so they can make themselves look great. that's how it appears sometimes.

dragging, fine
"shouting swear words "
threatening to "batter"
laughing one minute, "whacking" multiple times the next
IS NOT

SM07 out of interest why do you think so many posters object to KM POV?this is not ganging up or bashing. it is a majority of posters disagreeing with KM.does it not indicate something in her content irks?

so if someone else starts a post with some controversial views are we all to ignore.
if so why
is there a magic number of posts were one can express disagreement with a POV and then we have to kiss&make up?

i dont get this oh dont all criticise a POV?

if you post it others read it and respond

that is the whole point is it not

For example (not personalisising it)someone posts "i think a wee slap,shout,threat does no harm"

proably most people will respond
Thats not on,unnecessary,no way X 200

so a controversial POV

according to your logic at a certain (unknown number of posts) we should all lay off

what if the posts disagreeing are indicative of general majority opinion

everyone is entitled to express POV, but not entitled to agreement

KM no-one is bullying you,you can dish it out too so not one way traffic. on a discussion forum you will get disagreements. you have participated differnt POV expressed thats all

Oh come on! seriously, does this woman sound like the type of woman who was just having a bad day!? from what i have read from the op she sounds like aggression is in her very nature, to threaten to 'batter someones face in' and tell them to 'fucking go ahead and phone the police' really doesnt sound like she was just having a bad day IMHO, i think unless you were there at the time it would be hard to judge anyway, CBL went on her instincts about how this woman was treating her dc, and rightly so, KM you are just being controversal and playing devil's advocate as i have seen you do on other threads before now.

Hmm. My brother recently found out that he has terminal cancer. He is 33. He didn't go home and wallop his child and swear and shout at her.

MissM so sorry to here about your brother, hoping you get all the support you need

I agree and well done for stepping in. Even if mum was having a bad day and this was out of character, its not justified.
If someone much much bigger and stonger started hitting and dragging you KERRYMUM, i bet you'd wish someone would step in.
We all have a duty to protect children and its better to be called interfering and be wrong than to stand by and allow abuse or potential abuse.

A few months ago I was in my local shopping center with my DDs. As I was walking to an exit I noticed an elderly woman lying half on half off a bench. I sent my girls on a bit and told them to sit where I could see them, and ran back to see if I could help. As in got there a woman said " oh, leave her she's drunk" .
The woman had died, and people didn't even have the grace to see if she needed help. They just presumed she was drunk, I don't know why, but they did. There was myself and young mother and an older man who came to help. The lady was in plain view of 4 shop windows and near the exit/entrance where countless people had choosen to ignore her. I'm the sort of person who does stick her nose in, but sometimes it's the right thing to do.

I saw a mum smack her daughter yesterday because she didn't want the sausage roll she was given.....It bought me to tears and so angry. I don't know how you must have felt as there is just no excuse for any of that behaviour. Whatever the circumstances I have never and hope would never smack my dd.

I think you did the right thing in a highly stressfull situation.

cocole

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. A homeless man lying in a doorway in the middle of winter - he was frozen solid and looked dead to me. Everybody just walked past him. We phoned an ambulance and they managed to wake him up, but he was on his way out. People would just walk past a dying man because he's not their problem.