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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

rude worker in whsmith upset my 8yr old d

288 replies

pastapestofor6 · 10/07/2008 22:17

my dd 8 has been saving up to buy some hsm magazine, she has got the required 3.50 so today was the happy day for the long anticipated purchase to take place,
she went into smiths, I sat on bench directly i mean DIRECTLY outside with 2 younger ds's, she entered shop and the shop assistant[who i might add i dont know] said 'where is your mum?'
dd says 'just outside on the bench', woman then says 'what you doing in here' dd replies'just looking around', woman says 'do you have any money?' dd replies 'yes £3.50' to which woman replies'well you wont get anything in here for that' at which point dd fled the shop white as a sheet and shaking
I made to go in the shop and give her what for, but dd begged me to leave it, considering her upset i did so, very reluctantly i might add!
but aibu for letting her go into shop on her own [she is nearly 9]
and if not , then what should i do?

OP posts:
RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 21:39

to which i say... bollocks, flashman. you'll want to murder anyone who crushes the self-esteem of your child. you will, oh you will.

Flashman · 11/07/2008 21:45

RegenerAitch Oh I don't perhaps, perhaps not - but I just don't seem to remember my mother ever really coming in and fighting my battles when i was younger when someone said things to me. It was a more get back in there. Perhaps why now I don't really have any self esteem or confidence issues. In fact prob a little bit to have the other way with a dilussions of grandure!

ingles2 · 11/07/2008 21:47

Oh Crap
Am really late to this which is a pain as I have the opposite of this.
I let my 8.9 (very shy)ds go into our local tescos unaccompanied to buy a french stick on Tues. I waited at the entrance.
We shop there frequently and as he came out looking soo chuffed with himself, there was a shop assistant behind him. I immediately thought there was a problem but no... it's turned out she recognised him, realised he was shopping on his own, and just thought she'd check we were outside. She said he did great, queued up, paid, made sure he had the right change...
this has done wonders for his confidence....anyway. the point being no YANBblardyU, this cow has spoilt this experience for your dd. Never mind head office, go into the store and shame her in front of her direct manager..

RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 21:50

i don't think anyone's suggesting that a mother's role is to protect her child from any slight, certainly mine was of the 'take a step back, fight yer own battles' variety. but an adult picking on a kid? she'd have knocked their block off.

as i say... just wait. you, bless your heart, haven't got a clue how you'll be when the time comes.

Original poster
pastapestofor6 · 11/07/2008 21:50

so flashman am I right in thinking that you are judging the way i deal with what happens to my CHILD when you dont even have a child????
she is a very small shy little girl not a big headed posing monster of a boy/man
shouldnt you be off watching top gear or something?

OP posts:
Dottoressa · 11/07/2008 21:52

I'd write to the manager, including the date and time that your poor DD tried to do her shopping, which should help him/her to work out who the culprit was.

Eight is a perfectly reasonable age to go into a shop and choose a magazine with you waiting outside. My DS goes to get our newspaper from the local PO (with me waiting outside); I've also sent him into our local Somerfield to fetch single items that I've forgotten. They do know him in both shops, but I would like to think I could let him go into a branch of (eg) WHS to buy a magazine when he's eight.

What a shame for your DD...

ingles2 · 11/07/2008 21:53

Oh flashman...
as Aitch said
you just wait!

TheMagnificent7 · 11/07/2008 21:53

Flashman, I envy you the ignorance of not knowing yet. It's a beautiful moment when your first child arrives, and I'd live it over again and again if I could. You'll only ever stare into the face of God once, and that's when you see your child for the first time.

But until July 23rd, stop being such a cock.

GirlySquare · 11/07/2008 21:56

PP46 YANBU for allowing your dd to shop on her own with her own money. How does your dd feel now? It's a shame she was made to feel bad by that bitter old hag. If your dd is set against you making a fuss then I wouldn't be contacting he local paper. Writing to Kate Swann sounds like a good idea though.

Tnoog · 11/07/2008 21:56

Flashman, I actually totally agree with all your points.

I would probably express surprise at the assistants attitude, shrug it off and tell ds to spend his hard saved cash elsewhere.

Life is full of battles but some are just not worth the fight.

StealthPolarBear · 11/07/2008 21:57

Hang on, from a customer service point of view why on earth shouldn't she complain. In theory they should welcome any suggestions to make their service better. The "life is too short to get worked up about..." crap can be applied to a LOT of situations, we all choose where to draw our own lines and it really winds me up when other people tell me how I should feel

Flashman · 11/07/2008 21:59

Yes that is about it. You asked at the start were you being unreasonable that would seem to suggest that you are asking to be judged on the way you are dealing with a situation - or did you just expect everyone to AGREE with you?

And my having a child or not has a bearing how?

Alas Topgear is not on.

RegenerAitch and that does not sound like an adult picking on a child - bit tackless. I saw it just as a way for the shop assistant to let the child know that she was being watched.

RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 22:01

but why was she being treated like a criminal when she hadn't done anything?

hang on... weren't you the guy who told that woman to fuck off when she asked you why you were parked outside the playpark? apols if it was someone else, obv.

Tnoog · 11/07/2008 22:01

Fair enough SPB.

I expressed an opinion and it's up to individuals how they choose to deal with cer tain situations.

RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 22:03

and the reason that your not having a child has a bearing is that as you've said you neither know what it's like to be a shy child or to be a parent to one. it's my belief that you'll be livid if someone treats your kid this way. might be wrong... but don't think so.

ChukkyPig · 11/07/2008 22:03

It is a real shame. When I was a girl (blah blah) I used to love smiths with all the coloured pencils, felt-tips, hello kitty pencil cases etc. I could have browsed in there for hours.

Which is why boycotting it, for the OP or for me, would be a shame for our DD, and makes me feel personally I've lost something. I think this is also why I get so upset with them, they are a part of my childhood and I sort of trust them. When tesco's do rubbish stuff I don't bat an eyelid.

I have had some cider now, and thinking of the shop assistant, I say kill the bitch. I think that is a fair a balanced response.

And Flashman, if you have a DD, and someone upsets her when she is 8, I will be interested to see your reaction.

You think you will be fair and reasonable and discuss with sprog why the person was not very nice and life isn't fair.

I say your blood will boil and you will want to punch their lights out.

We'll see.

Flashman · 11/07/2008 22:03

err I did not tell anyone to fuckoff. Esp not outside a play park.

RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 22:04

hence the apols if not you. there was some gobby male newbie who did that recently... thought it might have been you.

Flashman · 11/07/2008 22:06

TheMagnificent7 - a cock how? - I just don't agree. And most certainly don't agree with wasting time and effort trying to write further. She called they explained why and still that is not the end of it.

RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 22:12

'we apologise on behalf of the store and on behalf of whsmith, but in our defence there have been numerous incidents where young children have come into this particular branch and run around without purchasing anything'

see... that's not good enough imo. in our defence we're going to carry on advising our staff to behave like this to children? if the high heidyins are happy with that i'd be surprised. and if they are, fuck em.

Flashman · 11/07/2008 22:15

hey I did not think I counted as a newbie now?

ChukkyPig - i am sure my blood will boil, but that will be it - I would just boycott.

TheMagnificent7 · 11/07/2008 22:16

Well, the icy cold steely grinned hard macho life's too short attitude aside, a customer went into a shop to buy a magazine that they stock (HSM=High School Musicial, and boy will you learn that) with the means to pay for it. The customer was approached and interrogated by a member of staff in an overly agressive manner, and lied to the customer about having any goods of that value. Now I, and perhaps Flashman the Brave, might have have the nous to say "hang on you piss smelling haggard old fart. Who the f*k do you think you're talking to. Get me a f*king shareholder immediately. And £3.50 buys exactly 3.5 copies of the Big Issue so i'll ask you again next week, you dried up old coffin dodger". But the customer, with as many rights as you and I, was shopping on her own for the first time. She worked, earned her money, and went to a SHOP (anyone remember shops before 'customer service' was invented in 1992 ?) to buy something.

If you haven't got the balls to stand up to that sort of treatment, I'll take over your battles. Your life is too short apparently. People like you make mine too long.

That's what I meant by cock :-)

RegenerAitch · 11/07/2008 22:17

we shall see, flashman... we shall see...

ChukkyPig · 11/07/2008 22:22

Not even "young children running around, stealing things, knocking old ladies over and being generally horrible", just "running around".

And the OP's daughter wasn't a gobby teenager in a group (although usually I struggle to see a problem with those either), or a light-fingered shifty number, but was a small girl looking quietly at the magazines.

I used to work in smiths years ago and kids were fine, big source of income, transformers magazines etc.

More cider now. I firmly believe the bitch should be shot, the store burnt to the ground and any stray embers of magazines ceremoniously taken to DD to do as she wishes with.

Or a boycott would work. Thinking about it though, it won't be good for her to think that if someone is difficult, you just avoid them for the rest of your life?

Flashman · 11/07/2008 22:26

TheMagnificent7 how the hell is life too short a macho thing - by god most people are pissed off with my attitute on that score, as being too laid back -

but I really must say to the rest, wow you look like you spent some time on that so I shall just bask in its Radiance.

And while you are off fighting my battles, that in the great fabric of life matter fuck all - I shall be enjoying a coffee with a good book (purchased from WHS, as I am clearly Macho enough to scare their staff into giving me no shite)whith the time I have saved by not worrying about it.