Parents faking poverty and not buying dc gifts

[FakeFinances]

for some reason approx 6 years ago my parents decided to stop all gifts for birthday Easter and Christmas. They said they just didn’t have the money to do them for the GC. Fine.

Excpet it’s 1. Not true that they can’t afford it and 2. They still buy gifts etc for both my sisters dc???

Everytime I go to see them they openly show me expensive new things, tell me about the cruises and holidays booked and talk finances (positively) then in the same visit they’ll say they have no money so sorry there’s no cake to have with coffee and reiterate that’s why they don’t do gifts anymore???

I have found out that they have still given gifts to all their other GC (I have 2 sisters) and I’m shocked ? When I asked them about it all they said they would not be speaking to me anymore as I was ‘money grabbing’ ? They haven’t spoken to me for 3 months now.

We hadn’t fallen out prior to this I genuinely believed when they first started this that they had just decided no more gifts ? I have 2 dc, my sisters have 6 between them.

Have you done ancestry DNA or similar?

There’s a similar situation in our extended family. It was discovered that one child was born from an affair and they & their DC have basically been ejected from the family ever since. We still see them, but they were dropped like a hot stone by many, it was truly bizarre to witness, especially as the family didn’t want to reveal the affair, so the adult DC (affair child) was blamed for the fallout 🙄

There is no point doing a DNA test unless her parents or siblings do one too.

This is truly odd. You need to cut them all off completely and then have some therapy to help you recover from them. You will not get the answers you need from them.

Something poignant happened 6 years ago, something you’ve done, something someone has said (true or false) to make them think you’re a money grabber! You need to ask them outright what it is? If you don’t get a clear fair answer, then think it’s time to cut the cords and walk away

I'd cut them off so they didn't damage my DC. It sounds as if they hate you and by extension your DC. They are toxic.

no. Why be kind to people who aren't kind to you?

"be kind" is a way to try to force people to swallow their feelings in case they mae the people making them uncomfortable get an easy ride. It is a big part of current social problems.

I too would put money on OPs father being a different one to her sisters.

I’m 99.9% sure he’s my dad as I look like him !
I can’t think of anything (except Covid) that happened 6 years ago.

Dh is white so it’s not anything to do with racism / reform type views

Oh dear. I can imagine my kids writing a post like that at some point in the future. My mother fawns over my nieces and nephews and has no time for mine - as my kids nervously put it once “granny x likes her space”. I turned a blind eye to it for years but once my kids noticed, I had to reduce the visits to my hometown. It’s kinda heartbreaking

I don't think I could stop myself going "well not surprised as you're always on bloody holiday and out for afternoon tea!"

“Send them, your sisters, and their kids unreciprocated gifts without comment”.

Thats some very odd advice. Are you one the mum of the OP or one of the sisters?

I agree. She needs to ask what happened.
I would be tempted to tell OP to “find her anger” but that family sound like they’d use it against her and then she’ll never get answers. I’d suggest instead to cushion the question of what happened in a nicely nicely message along the lines of “I miss hanging out with you and the kids miss their granny, aunts and cousins”. Make it look like you’re open to hearing their side of the story and then try to decipher their responses.

I wouldn’t have anything further to do with them.

It’s clear they enjoy playing favourites and putting you in your place. Sounds like they want you to feel bad. Don’t expose your children to this.

I’ve no tolerance for this kind of bullshit. Cut them off and don’t look back.

They have obviously taken offence to something you did or said (which to you was probably nothing) perhaps they misunderstood something, either way they sound awful so I’d just back away and leave them to it.

I would have to say something similar too.

Are you allowed to get a hair sample without someone consent and do a test

Maybe just go gentle, accept thier low contact. Perhaps be kind. Pass on how cool your mum is on mothers day on your Facebook or whatever.Sendthem, your sisters, and their kids unreciprocated gifts without comment and just be kind.

OP do not do this

But it could have been something that happened between your parents that you weren't privy to.

Bin them off.
You don't need toxic shite in your life.

I think at this point in time you have to accept them for who your parents are as they clearly treat you all differently with no explanation. Start practising detaching yourself and your family from them and go low contact. It will help you manage the hurt in the long term. My parents are divorced and I was very low contact with my father who kept making horrible and cruel comments about me every time we met so I just spoke to him less and less. You can’t change them but you can change the way you react to them.

It will hurt but in the long term you will find you no longer care as much. We’re born into families but sometimes they don’t always deserve our love and respect if they can be cruel and unkind.

You don’t like them but seem to spend a lot of time with them and have your children around them a lot. Strange

I'd talk to them and ask. Have you treated them differently, or do they feel you have? It's fine not to buy gifts, or for them to consider themselves poor even if you disagree, but it's the unequal treatment that is an issue here. You see posts where people exclude one set of grandparents and then complain when they react, so is there something like this? Or do they think there is?

She didn’t want petrol put in the car. Are you happy for people to buy things on your behalf that you didn’t ask for, and demand money back? That’s odd.

I have found out that they have still given gifts to all their other GC (I have 2 sisters) and I’m shocked

you must be NC or very LC with your sisters for the past 6 years?