New boyfriend asking about my plans

[Merkse]

So I really made some massive changes in 2026. I ended an unhappy relationship with my ex fiance. Lost 30 pounds (no glp 1) and just found my spark. I socialise so much more now and go out a few times each week in London where I work. I have a completely new group of girlfriends. I’m 29.

I very recently started a new relationship. And we get on amazingly. We both commute into London for work but live in different commuter towns. We had our first argument today. I was walking to drinks when he FaceTimed and asked what I was doing. He always starts our convos this way so maybe I find it triggering. I told him “look you have to stop this. I feel like you’re my dad”. I want to volunteer the information not feel obliged to tell him what I’m doing. He said im being weird and over reacting.

Who is right? I’m really not if this is going to work

Hey! What you doing?

Hello, how are you? Where are you?

Alright, what are you up to?

Good day? What have you done?

These are all just turns of phrases and a way in to conversation. I think I start most conversations with ‘where are you?’ Not because I want to know what they’re doing, just because I don’t want to disturb them if they’re working, driving, busy etc.

What’s he meant to talk about??

I always start a mobile phone call to my DH like that.
Reflecting on my reasoning. It is because it informs how I will proceed with the call.
I like to know I am not interupting work.
I like to know if there are others right there in case of wanting to speak about something personal.
I like to know how much time I realistically have. I would cut call short if he were driving, at supermarket. etc.
It is a bit like if one bumps into someone in street. You naturally take note of many things so that, socially and practically, one proceeds appropriately. (Are they in a party? Out with old Mum in rain? Near dangerous traffic?)

If I ring DH on the home phone or work landline I rarely ask due to knowing the situation that I can not see. I speak briefly if at work and I speak honestly, emotionally etc if at home.

Asking someone who is not from UK, "Are you alright?" will often give them the jitters. But UK people know it's a regular greeting.

Your BF does not alarm me.
Do you reflect enough about his wefare to wonder what you have interupted when you phone him. Op?

I have a now-ex who did this, and it did strike me as odd - not that he EVER said it, but that it was always his FIRST question, even before "how are you?" or "is this a good time to talk?". Overused, it can feel kind of abrupt, or demanding. (I'm guessing it's the latter for you since you compared him to a dad). I got him to cut back by alternating between responding with "Talking to you" and ridiculous stuff that I couldn't possibly be doing. I wouldn't be impressed if he gets upset and continues to ask this all the time even after you've said it bothers you but if he has a sense of humour about it I'd probably assume it was just a habit or speech pattern.

Wtf are you insane?! It’s a totally normal question. I hope he realises how batshit you are and runs. Please stop dating and work on yourself.

The poor bloke's just making conversation with you 🫠

what makes you think you have to?

if, as most PP have interpreted your post, he is asking as a standard greeting, then you simply reply along the lines of "hiya, yeah had a good day thanks, how are you?"
have you experienced him pressing your for details of your plans/activities?

do you always answer when he calls?

also - is he always at home when he calls you? does he have hobbies himself?

The only logical reason you’d have an issue with this if if 1. You were up to no good. 2. You’re just not that into him.

either way let the man go!

he is legit doing nothing wrong 😑

I’m going to go against the grain and say that maybe you should listen to your feelings.

What was wrong with the last guy? Was he controlling? Ime it’s not unusual for people to leave abusive or controlling partners and then get together with someone who is just a bit more low-key abusive or controlling.

If it’s your problem and you’re projecting then you’re not really over what you’ve been through and you’re not ready for a new relationship.

Maybe telling yourself it’s all in your head and your problem and you need to change for him isn’t the best idea.

I agree with someone else who said consider therapy.

I think it depends on how much detail he wants. I dislike back and forth texting so would be vague and just mention one or two things. I think I would find the amount of contact expected in a new relationship these days restrictive. A phone call every 2 or 3 days is fine and then discuss stuff when you meet

It's totally fine to keep some privacy, take things slowly, and set boundaries. Enjoy your freedom. You don't have to answer every time he calls!

I wouldn’t want someone to FaceTime me unless they had checked it was convenient first. Unexpected video calls are intrusive

Granular level? Poor guy.

It sounds to me like you’re not ready for a relationship. You’ve upended your life within the year, why are you jumping straight into another relationship? Enjoy your new friends and new social life some more.

When the times right, you won’t be nit picking.

poor bloke

hope he finds a new girlfriend

This.

There is no person on the planet who nothing wrong with them if we broke up with somone on one thing they did wrong and they did it to us none of us would ever have a relationship