New boyfriend asking about my plans

[Merkse]

So I really made some massive changes in 2026. I ended an unhappy relationship with my ex fiance. Lost 30 pounds (no glp 1) and just found my spark. I socialise so much more now and go out a few times each week in London where I work. I have a completely new group of girlfriends. I’m 29.

I very recently started a new relationship. And we get on amazingly. We both commute into London for work but live in different commuter towns. We had our first argument today. I was walking to drinks when he FaceTimed and asked what I was doing. He always starts our convos this way so maybe I find it triggering. I told him “look you have to stop this. I feel like you’re my dad”. I want to volunteer the information not feel obliged to tell him what I’m doing. He said im being weird and over reacting.

Who is right? I’m really not if this is going to work

It feels a tad too much. I don’t necessarily want to involve someone on my life on such a granular level

He'll pretty quickly start to feel like he can't ask you anything at all if you keep this up, and you'll drive him away.

Don’t be in a relationship then.
If you feel like talking about your day or your plans for the night is “too much” you clearly should not be in a relationship.

These are the kind of questions my colleagues and I ask each other. We’re not in a relationship together. Asking what you’re up to, what you did at the weekend is basic water cooler chat.

Has he been bringing you down? Or are you extrapolating some kind of judgement from a very innocuous question?
From where I am sitting, you are not ready to date.

He asked a normal thing, thinking the way you do you will always find something to complain about so best stop dating maybe till you work out what you want

“Hi! You look great! What are you up to tonight?”

“Hi. You’ve dressed up. Where are you going, looking like that, and who are you meeting up with?”

Very different questions.

But it's such a general, broad, throwaway question! He's not checking your diary and cross-referencing it with what you tell him. Being somewhat interested in you as he seems to be is normal.

I think that’s an entirely normal way to start a convo.. I’m late 20s and my DH and I literally say ‘hi, what are you doing?’ In every single phone call I think we’ve ever had..going back to when we first met! Is it his tone that’s the problem? Does he tend to question you after you tell him what you’re doing? If neither of them things, I really can’t understand the problem and I’d probs be a bit hesitant in continuing if I was him

What would you want him to say? Or do you just not like him calling? Would you be happier not to hear from him for several days?

Gently... It sounds like maybe you need to do some more healing before being in a relationship. Have you had any therapy for your previous crappy relationship?

Such a granular level?

What you up to?

I think you should stay single.

Then find a FWB. You are clearly not ready for a proper relationship.

It doesn't sound as if you are ready for a new relationship. Asking people what they are up to as a conversation opener is entirely normal.

Yeah YABU

"What are you up to?" is a perfectly normal thing to ask.

Sounds like you are absolutely not ready for a relationship, I would suggest counselling to work out why you are reacting like this.

Maybe you have enough going on in your life at the moment, it is completely acceptable to be single and enjoy yourself. His question seemed like a normal conversation. If it was lots of questions all at once that would be his anxiety but it sounds like it may be yours.

On the information you’ve given if someone asking your plans is a tad too much I’d say maybe you are just not ready for a relationship.

If he asked in a way that feels like he’s not happy that you are going out that’s different but if he was making conversation then I can’t see anything wrong with what he did.

So I’d say you are being unreasonable to be annoyed with him for asking you your plans.

Might just be you are not ready to be in a couple again just yet and want to be single which is very much not unreasonable.

‘What are you up to?’ isn’t asking for a full rundown of your plans though It doesn’t need anymore than a ‘Just out with workmates. What you doing? How was the presentation?’. How do you respond?

How much is he asking? ' What are you up to?' ' Out for drinks' 'Cool' is totally fine.
'What are you up to? Where are you going? Why? When will you be home? Why are you out all the time?' Is not fine.
But there is a clear distinction. So which is it?

You’re overreacting. Don’t most people at the start of a call ask what the other persons upto?

Sounds like an overreaction to a perfectly normal question....

This.

What on earth am I reading. Poor bloke.

I would ask my friend the same question - it’s very normal. If you don’t want to share details of your plans on “such a granular level” be single and stop ruining someone else’s life.

Sounds like you have issues from your previous relationships that you need to sort! He sounds lovely let him go while you sort you head out

If it feels intrusive to have someone who's very interested and involved in your life, then maybe you are dating too soon and it would be better for your peace to have a longer time being single.