New boyfriend asking about my plans

[Merkse]

So I really made some massive changes in 2026. I ended an unhappy relationship with my ex fiance. Lost 30 pounds (no glp 1) and just found my spark. I socialise so much more now and go out a few times each week in London where I work. I have a completely new group of girlfriends. I’m 29.

I very recently started a new relationship. And we get on amazingly. We both commute into London for work but live in different commuter towns. We had our first argument today. I was walking to drinks when he FaceTimed and asked what I was doing. He always starts our convos this way so maybe I find it triggering. I told him “look you have to stop this. I feel like you’re my dad”. I want to volunteer the information not feel obliged to tell him what I’m doing. He said im being weird and over reacting.

Who is right? I’m really not if this is going to work

In his defence he is not controlling at all is if I’m staying out late multiple nights on the trot. I don’t feel judged

Is it his tone of voice that makes you think he's checking up on you rather than being polite/chatty?

What is his response when you say you're going out? Is he happy/enthusiastic for you?

It's a pretty normal thing to ask.

Do you not ask him questions? Just wait for him to volunteer information?

Then why do you have an issue with it? It sounds like he's just taking an interest in what you're up to.

What would you like him to ask instead?

If you're going to get uppity about a totally normal question, especially given you are facetiming on the move, it's best it ends now and he saves himself a lot of hassle.

You’re being incredibly weird and hostile.
“What are you up to/ doing?” is a completely normal line of conversation. Poor bloke should run a mile.

You’re seriously over reacting to a nice question. He just wants to know what you’re up to. When my husband is away and he calls he always asks!

I think it's a standard conversation opener. I'm sure I ask people what they're up to when I call them.

So he calls and asks what you’re up to? Isn’t that just normal conversation? If you answered I’m having dinner with friends, he’d then say, cool, call me when you’re home.

It is a perfectly normal question for someone to ask. Unless you have something to hide?

He always starts our convos this way

How do you mean? Something like “Hey, how are you, what you up to?” is a fairly normal conversation starter.

I just feels like I’m always giving him a run through of my plans. I may be sensitive as my last relationship was awful. I just really don’t want to end up with a bloke who is going to bring me down again

It’s not going to work. You are being ridiculous.

Agree wirh all the other posters, its a perfectly normal thing to say.

You are being too sensitive. It isn't an intrusive or odd question to ask someone.

You are being sensitive, and have been mean and prickly. This new version of you doesn't seem very nice.

The way I see it is, you've told him it bothers you but he persists in doing it, so I say Bye.

Keep your answer short then. He isn't asking because he wants a timeline of your next few hours, he's just wondering generally what you're up to.

So don't give him a detailed run down.

Just say 'just leaving work' type thing.

It's a normal conversation.

What do you say if you ring him?

Perhaps you need to stay single for a while. He has done nothing wrong, it's a perfectly normal conversational opener.

Completely normal thing to open a phone conversation with. I think you’re overreacting.

He's making conversation, you're treating it like an interrogation. He's not in the wrong, this is your issue.

I don’t know. I ask DP what his plans are every weekend but it’s just interest, not checking up.

But if you sense that he is doing it to check up on you, then I wouldn’t ignore that.

Perfectly normal thing to open up a conversation OP.