New boyfriend asking about my plans

[Merkse]

So I really made some massive changes in 2026. I ended an unhappy relationship with my ex fiance. Lost 30 pounds (no glp 1) and just found my spark. I socialise so much more now and go out a few times each week in London where I work. I have a completely new group of girlfriends. I’m 29.

I very recently started a new relationship. And we get on amazingly. We both commute into London for work but live in different commuter towns. We had our first argument today. I was walking to drinks when he FaceTimed and asked what I was doing. He always starts our convos this way so maybe I find it triggering. I told him “look you have to stop this. I feel like you’re my dad”. I want to volunteer the information not feel obliged to tell him what I’m doing. He said im being weird and over reacting.

Who is right? I’m really not if this is going to work

Yes the language says a lot about how OP communicates and what she thinks that other people think and therefore I think this is a you problem OP, not him.

I mean this kindly, but you're allowing your past relationship to influence your view of your current boyfriend. You've made wonderful changes to your life this year. Don't let your ex stay in your head. And until you do you're not ready for a new relationship.

This is a perfectly normal friendly way to start a conversation. (And sometimes a preferred one, if you're busy and unable to talk)

If it bothers you a perfectly fine reply is "Just hanging out. What are you up to?"

See, I think conversations open with 'how are you doing?'. Not 'what'. So I wouldn't like it either, but again I'm sensitised to it, because of past issues. I've had people in my life want to either know where I am at all times and I don't like it. I've also had the opposite issue, as in, oh you're free, so you're automatically free to do stuff with me. Both are a problem.

Every morning before work my husband asks what I’m up to today

Absolutely nothing sinister about it - just chit chat.

I tell him ‘meeting Alice for cuppa’ or ‘popping to shops to get some jeans’ or ‘nipping to Tesco as I want some flour - you need anything? ‘

it’s totally not controlling - it’s just 2 people who care about one another taking an interest in each others day.

why would hide the mundane details of my life as there is nothing to hide and it’s just us having a normal chat?

Say something non committal like “Going to the shops” “Grabbing a coffee” “Leaving work” without saying you’re going to drinks with your friends or whatever your plans are.

It’s just a normal conversation opener, especially for a boyfriend or girlfriend. He likely has no idea it bothers you.

Don’t go into details about what you’re about to do for the rest of the evening, just mention what you are literally doing just that second “stepping out of the office”

Both are a problem.
If you think asking ‘how are you doing?’ and ‘what are you doing?’ while chatting on face time to an intimate partner you’re the only one with the problem!

I always ask my Dad what he’s doing when I call. It’s a v natural thing to do.

This is for someone you don’t see often. For your partner who you see all the time and/or live with, I wouldn’t open a conversation like this usually unless I have reason to think how he is has changed recently.

I speak to my husband far too often to ask how are you as a conversation opener. I assume fine, as before.
What are you up to changes so is more interesting as a still fairly bland conversation starter. It’s not intrusive unless I was checking up on him, which I’m not.

Very much depends on the context and tone. I know someone who has controlling tendencies that asks 'What are you doing?', and it has a different feel and urgency to it than if someone else asked this question. Only you know OP.

He’s being perfectly normal question. You’re being very strange and over the top. Too much hard work, he’s better off without you.

My husband starts almost every single phone call with me "hey you, what you up to?" He's not checking up on me, he's starting a conversation.

I think you are being very odd.

Sounds like you aren't wanting a relationship right now.
Asking what are you up to is standard conversation starter. He's just trying to be in touch; it's like asking, "you alright?". It's just filler. He likes you. If you resent this, I would guess he isn't the one for you right now.
When you meet the right person, usually it's all consuming and you can't get enough of them early doors

Jumping straight into a new/rebound relationship is never a good idea.

If you had serious and unpleasant issues in your last relationship and broke up fairly recently, then it might be better to stay single for a year or so and focus on figuring out what you want from life.

I always ask ppl what they’re doing I had no idea they might think I’m being controlling.

OP, you have compared him to your previous partner and your dad. It may be that you need more time to realise this is a different guy and he’s not them. Could be time to let this one go if you are both not on the same page.

"what are you up to" is bare basic politeness to me. You could test whether it's control or politeness by saying 'a mystery plan, I'll tell you later' and seeing how he responds.

What else do you expect to speak about on the phone other than “what are you up to”

If you don’t want to speak on the phone when you’re off out, just don’t pick up? Text a short while after and say sorry off out, call you tomorrow?

If he doesn’t like you not picking up or not talking to him at set times then yeah that is 🚩

Carry on like this and you won’t end up with a bloke at all

Lost 30 pounds (no glp 1)

Well done here’s your medal 🥇 (sarcasm)

Yeah he is being totally normal. Bit weird if he didnt ask what you are up to or show any interest.

Perhaps you're not ready for a relationship, I'd love to have someone asking about my day. Be careful what you wish for...........

No, they are not superior. They did something differently to someone else, so fucking what.

Jesus wept

He said im being weird and over reacting

He's right.
Oddly, I've just messaged my niece (who is also 29, as it happens) this evening, as I've not spoken to her for a couple of weeks, and I started the conversation with
"What you up to?"

At no point did she accuse me of being like her Dad, or feeling obliged to tell me anything. It's just a conversation opener. An open question that the recipient can answer with however much (or little) detail as they want to.

You really are being odd.
I hope you reflect upon all the answers on here - pages and pages of people telling you your response is odd. Otherwise, he will walk, or should do.

But surely you can just say 'I'm meeting the girls at the pub, how about you?'

You don't have to give hi a full detailed run down. I think it's a general conversation starter and it's normal to have a level of interest in your partners life.