New boyfriend asking about my plans

[Merkse]

So I really made some massive changes in 2026. I ended an unhappy relationship with my ex fiance. Lost 30 pounds (no glp 1) and just found my spark. I socialise so much more now and go out a few times each week in London where I work. I have a completely new group of girlfriends. I’m 29.

I very recently started a new relationship. And we get on amazingly. We both commute into London for work but live in different commuter towns. We had our first argument today. I was walking to drinks when he FaceTimed and asked what I was doing. He always starts our convos this way so maybe I find it triggering. I told him “look you have to stop this. I feel like you’re my dad”. I want to volunteer the information not feel obliged to tell him what I’m doing. He said im being weird and over reacting.

Who is right? I’m really not if this is going to work

Its a normal part of conversation bit maybe your gut it picking something else up with his tone.

Is it his way of asking "how are you?"
My bf often says "what are you upto?" and he does not need a rundown.

Maybe you're not too into him?

if you don’t want to have a conversation about where you are off to, then don’t answer the FaceTime call while you are on your way there!

OP I think if your last relationship was bad enough that you’re so readily triggered, then you’re not ready for a new relationship yet.

OP…this isn’t ’granular level’. It’s genuinely just standard, normal, baseline conversation.

I once met up with someone I'd not seen for a year or more and began the conversation with "Hi, how are you these days?" She responded with a blow-by-blow account of some unresolved medical issue and some other drama situation in her life. I then said, "Good to see you. Catch up later." Because my question wasn't a real question requiring that sort of answer; it was a conversational filler, a politeness strategy that we all use to greet one another in various ways. If you are interpreting your boyfriend's greetings in the way my friend responded every time he asks, then I don't blame you for getting fed up. But at the same time, I wouldn't blame the bloke for walking away.

That’s why I was going to say @Merkse.

Based on the information you've given, I think you should let this one go before you damage him and get yourself some therapy for your (probably very understandable) issues. "What are you doing?" or "What are you up to?" are standard conversational openers. Of course, some men (and women) are controlling and aggressive, but you say yourself that's not what's happening here. I think you're just not ready for a relationship.

My DH is currently away on holiday with his friends. When we have FaceTimes we ask one another what we are doing, especially if we are out and about...it just seems...normal?

Then don’t.

I’d consider it to be along the same lines as saying ‘alright’? to someone. You aren’t asking if they’re actually alright and we all know the only acceptable response to that is along the lines of ‘Good thanks, you?’ He’s not demanding a run down of your plans; he’s using it as an opening to a conversation. Your response should be along the lines of ‘nothing much, what about you?’ Or ‘I’m out, what are you up to?’ Nothing disclosed. No offence taken. Everyone happy.

Do you think this might possibly be a case of lovely person but wrong time? That maybe enjoying your independence might be more fulfilling than dating someone?

Its hardly granular to ask what you're up to.
I quite often text my partner 'Whatcha dooooooin?' in the style of Phineas and Ferb. I don't care a jot what he's doing...just expressing an interest in his life.

It's a pretty standard question - regardless of whether you're dating someone. The whole point of dating is to get to know one another. It doesn't sound like you want to actually progress your relationship with him so just ends things and stop stringing him along.

Think the Monjaro has done something to your brain

Fuck me he needs to run. Now. You are projecting so much. We blokes get shit for being self centered, so he's asking about you. Giving you the chance to talk. You can brush it off...'just out for a drink...how are you ', you can be super hyped ' I'm doing shots with the girls, Mandy has just told some loser to do one, we are on it!!' anything. He's just asking a question about you because he actually wants to know

It’s a very normal opening question. Sounds like you’re not ready for a relationship yet.

He always starts our convos this way so maybe I find it triggering. I told him “look you have to stop this. I feel like you’re my dad”

Your reaction was definitely extreme, if it is something that has been bothering you why have you not explained to him how it makes you feel, rather than "put up with it" for a while then bite his head off about it.

He's not a mind reader.

I mentioned the non glp 1 weight loss cause I think it shows how committed I was to self improvement and not settling. I was so unhappy at the start of the year. I couldn’t stand what my life had become. I’m proud of the changes I made. I’m literally so happy with this new version of myself. I will never risk going backwards

Okay I possibly projecting. I will reflect on why. Thanks

this is great but it doesn't mean you reaction to your boyfriend is rational.

The way to find out for sure is to communicate the issue, and why you find it problematic, if he still does it after that and you genuinely feel he is checking up on you, rather then just seeing what you're up to, then you will know for sure, but it sounds just like that could be his default conversation starter.

Don't throw away a good relationship on a misunderstanding.

You are not "possibly" projecting. You are definitely projecting. New guy is not responsible for your past relationship history.

You should not date for a while, I think. Poor guy.

Why doesn't your self-improvement involve your mental health/stability/personality? A serious question. You're clearly very proud of the effort you've put into your body, but you don't have a great attitude - and that could be helped if you put a bit of effort into therapy too.

I think it’s an ok question to ask. If I’ve gone in to London for work and my DH calls, he often asks me what’s my plan, mainly to know if I’ll be home for dinner. Your situation is different but he FaceTimes you and you’re on the move, so I think it’s quite normal to ask where are you going or what are you up to as part of the conversation. I guess it’s a question of tone and individual context. It may be the you are projecting based on your previous relationship, but it also may be that you have unconsciously sought out a new partner who has similar traits to the one before and who may only be showing glimpses of this at this point in the relationship. I really don’t know. So I think keep an eye for any other things that make you feel uncomfortable as it may be your intuition is trying to tell you something you need to know. At the same time if all is fine but you just don’t like the question, maybe set times to calls for a chat when you’ll be at home.

I have a totally self absorbed friend who immediately starts telling me exactly what they are doing, feeling, seeing, watching the moment he or I answers the phone - no matter who called who.
You can have that if you want.

Isn't that a you problem? You don't have to tell him every detaitof your plans. He asks what you're doing, it's not an interrogation, just keep it light "off for drinks with Katie, you?"
How would he respond then?