Another mum picked up her teen after party and refused others a lift despite agreement to do so.

[Lardybumbum]

The background story is my 16 year old daughter, her 15 yo boyfriend and two of their class mates were invited to a party a few rural towns away. I agreed to give them a lift there if one of their mums agreed to run them back. One mum said she would do that and her kid confirmed again when I dropped them all off.

The town is only 15 mins away but there’s no public transport after 6pm on weekends (and at that no direct public transport between our towns having to go into a city and back out again) and being Halloween there were no taxis /ubers who were all working in the city.

Well the boys mum left my daughter, her boyfriend and one friend and only took her son home. All four were standing outside the house at 11.45pm waiting for her and she literally drove off with just him in the car saying the others couldn’t come. I get a tearful phone call from a very panicked daughter so I get out of bed and go get them. I have to take medication at night that I’m wary of driving on (although it isn’t illegal) but I’m not leaving my kid in the middle of nowhere. The other parents had all been drinking so couldn’t.

Aibu to think that was an arsehole move on behalf of the other mother to allow her kid to accept the ride and agree to the deal she would pick up them to just leave them and take her kid home? Her kid messaged my daughter today there wasn’t any mitigating reason for her leaving them she just didn’t want to.

She lives two streets away and I’m tempted to go and say something. If I’d been drinking there would have been no one to get them and they’d have been stranded (there’s no way to walk between towns either).

I would be messaging the mum and asking what happened and why did she leave them stranded after it was agreed given you had given them a lift there.

Have you spoken to the other parent yet?

Your kid, your responsibility. With my children I would accept a reciprocal agreement like this sometimes but was always ready to pick them up should something happen and the picker-upper couldn't do it.

You say no public transport, no taxis and no possibility of walking. And yet you got into bed after medicating and everyone else were drinking 🙄

I don’t care if there was more to it. That can be dealt with on a later day, no way should she have left them there without a lift. Be the adult

I agree. I'd be livid.

I agree. My dad had a car but he rarely picked me up - I sorted myself out (bus or taxi).

That's exactly why you don't leave them.

is there any chance she had a legitimate emergency to explain this appalling behaviour?
I’d be tempted to send a group msg to her, with the other Mums included. I’d ask, when she drove away at 11.45pm leaving these 3 teens behind what was her plan for them, what did she expect them to do to keep themselves safe? Then comment how lucky it was you were legally able to drive otherwise she’d have had to make the return journey.

I’m keen to hear the other Mum’s explanation @Lardybumbum

On face value it sounds well out of order and I would be absolutely fuming.

i’ve given loads of lifts over the years. I now take a bucket for any who may have overindulged. It’s become a bit of a running joke amongst ds’s friends and they know that whoever sits in the middle seat of the middle row is in charge of it!

I think I would say something especially if she definitely said to the other parents that she would pick up. Also I would remember this next time her child needs a lift ….

Probably didn’t want vomit in the back of her car.

That’s terrible. Does the mum have mental health problems? That doesn’t seem like normal behaviour.
Or there was a misunderstanding and she didn’t realise she was supposed to pick up the other kids.
Might it be worth dropping her a text to ask? It may be better just to leave it though.

What a fucking bitch
Never share with her again, and bloody well ask her what she was playing at

I’d be finding out her side of the story before I called her a fucking bitch/arsehole/assumed mental health problems etc.

I would text her and ask for clarification as to what exactly happened.
That I had dropped all the children as agreed and had been told that she was collecting.
That I had gotten a panicked upset call from my daughter that she had only collected her son, and had refused to bring the other children home in her car, leaving them stranded
I would be asking why?
Spelling it out clearly.

Because if it was the case that she couldn't be arsed, no longer suited her etc.,I would spread the word widely about what she did via screenshots of the conversation.

I would tell my child to never be involved with lifts with this child again.
I wouldn't look at her.

I cannot think of a single parent that I have heard of that would do that.

Heck, I have gone out of my way with random children that were stuck, that my child only knew casually.
As would any of the parents I know.
We would no more leave any youngster stranded.

There's no side of the story that would justify not doing your best to make sure teens get home safely. I've been in this position and I texted the other kids parents to make sure their kids had another way home before I left without them (with good reason). Child welfare is everyone's responsibility. It takes a village.

Exactly. There is definitely a complete other side to this story. Sounds as though she didn’t even have to go out of her way to take the others home so why would she leave them there? Unless they refused to leave or were incredibly rude to her. I’d guess it’s something like that. I love my teens dearly but they can be rude, selfish and very hard work so ….. 🤷🏻‍♀️

If a bunch of teens had mercilessly bullied my daughter at a party all night, would I fuck be taking them all home. Not my problem.

These are teenagers who are apparently old enough to drink all night. They have phones and parents of their own. They aren’t little children.

I'm not sure if going around would be a good idea. You don't know what her reaction would be.
She could become defensive and be argumentative.

I mean for someone who left the other kids there she doesn't appear like a reasonable person.
Maybe if you could message and ask her how come she hadn't bring back the other kids as agreed?
She was definitely in the wrong not to give the group of kids a lift back.

I agree that there’s probably more to it. Maybe a row between the kids or some rude behaviour? Who knows. Despite that though I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing i’d effectively left a group of teens stranded in a rural area. What if they’d attempted to walk and got in some sort of trouble/an accident? Their safety comes first and deal with any issues the next day with the parents. Really shit behaviour from her and I think I’d at least have to text and call her out on it. It could have ended very badly if nobody had been available to collect.

This is why, if my lads go out, or stepsons, I wont drink. The other mum, whatever her reason, imo was out of order,however as others have said, we don't know the circumstances, so I won't go as far as to namecall. OP, did you speak to her?
My youngest went to a theme park, with his mates when he was 15. I was the only parent who was at work. However, they missed the last bus, because two of the group (not my son) wanted "one last ride"
The theme park is at least 20 miles away, the trains were on strike, no buses. One parent was drunk. Another one wasn't answering the phone, two others told their 15 year old kids to "find another way home" I didn't finish work till 6.30,then had to do an urgent home visit after surgery. I then drove straight there, picked them all up, and dropped every one of his friends on their doorstep. And I'd do it again.

I think you have to be an absolute bloody moron to render yourself unable to drive when your teen is at a party or wherever which is not a walkable distance away. I get that an arrangement was made, but it’s still entirely on the parents. What if there was some other kind of emergency, like an ambulance/stomach pumping situation (not exactly uncommon). You just make it everyone else’s problem. Selfish, stupid behaviour.

Send a message to the mum asking what happened as everyone understood arrangements were made that she agreed to give them a lift home.

That's not the point.
Arrangements were made. It seems the mum unreasonably reneged. An explanation is owed.