.... to not want lunch guests pitching up at 3. Or at least not for actual lunch.

[AlteFrau]

Original arrangement was for late lunch. The guests have a toddler who naps late morning, so I'd imagined they wouldn't turn up before 1. More likely 1.30ish. Maybe 2 at the latest.

We planned something that was easy to heat up, rather than a fiddly meal where timings would need to be exact.

I0 minutes ago we got a text saying, the toddler has only just gone for their nap, so they will turn up about 3.

My discussion with partner was that we'd eat the lunch we prepared now, freeze the stuff that the guests would have eaten, and text back saying, 'Oh you're coming for tea then. There'll be some cake.'

What would you do?

I don't have breakfast so 3pm is a bit late for me for lunch.
Personally, I probably would wait in this scenario, my comment was about OP's situation where she apparently couldn't wait. In that situation, I'd eat my lunch at my preferred time and then have something small with the guests when they arrive.

it's one Sunday. does it really matter? why worry, just eat something or don't. there's enough real problems in the world that you don't need to turn this into another one.

Plus Op stated they'd purposefully made something 'easy to reheat' so they were absolutely capable of reheating it at 3.

They froze the extra portions just so they could refuse food because they were salty about waiting.

So, SO petty and utterly devoid of the empathy they were trying to show by agreeing to the visit happening post-nap in the first place.

Well, that's not patronizing, is it?
🙄

Do they expect you to go hungry and wait for them till 3pm? I would do soup and ovenbaked bread, and a lasagne. Then it’s there, you can easily keep it warm/re-heat and plate when they get there.

‘“Late lunch’ to me is between 2-3.30… anything before that is normal lunchtime, after that is early tea/tea time on a Sunday …

I mean assuming I actually liked them and wanted to see them (and you never know with Mumsnet). I’d say, lovely see you when you get here.

Hope you had a nice time @AlteFrau and it all worked out after all!
Your DH wants to make nice memories... don't resent them, go with the flow so there's no stress on either side and he successfully makes happy innter-generational memories.
He anyway cooked something that can be heated up. Hopefully he ate some on time for his health and had some too when the guests came!

Why didn't you agree an actual time! How bizarre to leave it vague and then get miffed about timings!

so he's been cooking for 2 hours or he prepped something easy that could be warmed up?

I think given you didn't specify a time and late lunch is later than 1.30, I'd be gracious and just heat it up before they get there / once they're there. does it really matter that the meal is called?

I would ask given the time if they were going to eat, but in a "food is prepped but if you need to eat before you get here I understand and I'll sort dessert instead" rather than "well then we shall not let you eat our food!"

There is ZERO point in hvaing a sit down lunch with a toddler who hasn't napped. They'll be a nightmare and ruin everything. So yeah, I'd expect family to pander to it.

And if someone suggests a late Sunday lunch - I think 3pm! We in fact had Sunday lunch with my in laws today at the pub - at 3pm!

OP has failed to communicate expectations and clearly hates these people anyway.

No. Breakfast is 6am with the children. Lunch is 12 noon sharp. Dinner is 5pm. Everybody in bed by 10pm. People can either fit in with that or eff off.

YANBU but the message was so passive aggressive that I had to go with YABU. You could have said literally anything else.

You should say cake rather than tea. To me tea is the evening meal so I would be expecting a lot more than cake and not until later on

I often eat lunch at 2pm on non working days so 3 would be a late lunch to me. Probably best to specify a time if it bothers you. Just have some toast & tea to keep you going.

Yes, babies and small children throw plans out. So perhaps that means their parents should accept that there will be some things they can't come to while they're small, rather than putting everyone else out as well? The whole world does not have to dance attendance on people with children.

I think this is more about the fact that you don’t like them - your posts seem derogatory towards them especially your comments about “perfect first baby”.
if you wanted them to come for a specific time say so. If they say it’ll be later agree to tea and cake instead.
I get it would be annoying if they estimate 1pm and now it’s 3, but if you only ever said “late lunch” and timings weren’t mentioned it’s hardly their fault you had a schedule in your head that they weren’t aware of. Next time be clear on timings

I cam understand your frustration a little but think you should give more grace to the guests. Toddler parenting is tiring and thay little break in the middle of the day is as much for the parents as the child. For them, its a couple of hours off between a no doubt busy and early start to socialising in the afternoon. I was extremely protective of that nap time because I was fundamentally worn out and it was a moment to catch my breath. I would also be fairly inflexible with it so I try to be very understanding of my friends for through it now. Its not so much about timekeeping but just putting boundaries in for their child but also themselves to take the time to rest. For whatever reason the nap was later than usual but I'd fully support them taking that time to recharge.

Wow you are a fun family!

So I suppose these parents that are offered a meal at no set time, only a late lunch, think that they’re being invited by reasonable and flexible people. So they accept.

Rather than people like yourself, that have a rigid and unforgiving schedule and get angry when it’s not adhered to and they’d decline!

No I wouldn’t dance to your tune anymore than you’d dance to a toddlers.

OP is obviously in your camp but never voiced it.

Do you live in a military boot camp?

You're childless and it's his grandchild?

Oh that’s my idea of hell! So you never deviate? So you ever get invited to other people’s places that don’t have this regime?

Does sex fall before the 10 pm curfew or are you allowed to stay awake after for those “special” moments?

Just wondering?

I get the impression sex is strictly for procreation purposes only!