It’s all very well people having boundaries but eventually someone has to do the work that needs doing??

[CuteCactus]

I’m experiencing this in both my private and professional life, and quite honestly I’m exhausted!

We’re all encouraged to put boundaries in place as to what we are or are not willing to do or put up with, but eventually, when jobs have to be done in a certain time frame, someone has to do it. And in my life, that’s me! Well done to my partner and staff for sticking firm to their boundaries I guess!

YABU - everyone is allowed boundaries and these should be respected.

YANBU - (some) boundaries are just people not caring how their actions affect someone else

It's one of those modern terms that gets overused and misused an awful lot. Not sure how helpful it is overall.

Huh?

unclear what you are referring to.

i have boundaries that I don’t like being shouted at and if people shout at me I won’t spend time around them.

nobody has to do the job of shouting.

What kind of jobs? If you have staff and are the boss then you delegate things that need to be done, surely. If some things don’t get done the world still turns, I find. If things actually are crucial then people will do them.

Reading your title I thought it would be about NC family and if that’s part of your life too, then again, do things need to be done? When FIL dies, someone else will sort everything out. Or, they won’t. But we won’t be!

That isn't really how boundaries work. They aren't an excuse for shirking.

But what kind of "boundaries" are we talking about anyway?

Do other people agree that the tasks in question need doing? Are your expectations realistic?

I took it to mean her partner and staff don't pull their weight and leave her to do their share of domestic and professional work, while calling it "boundaries".

You need to elaborate more OP

Need more context as to what your staff and partner are refusing to do and whether the things you are doing really are necessary or simply a preference.

I think OP means things like "protecting my mental health by always leaving the office at 5pm on the dot even if I am in the middle of an important task".

Well, if your partner is (fir example) doing no cleaning whatsoever, then I tried two solutions:

one we jointly paid for a cleaner (both of us happy)

two when we couldn’t get a cleaner I was responsible for the bits I cared about (kitchen, bathroom) and made him cleaner for bedroom and living room

Exactly. ‘Boundaries’ don’t have anything to do with work allocation.

Yes, boundaries often seem to mean: I will not compromise.

Which means you have to, as someone has to.

It used to be everyone was expected to compromise a bit to keep things working, but now compromising, doing things you don't want to do, or keeping quiet sometimes, are things which must not be tolerated as people declare Boundaries.

When you then end up being the one who always has to compromise &do stuff you don't want to meet everyone else's needs you do start to get pissed off.

Yes you could declare your own boundaries and refuse to compromise but things wouldn't get done and relationships would disintegrate.

We need specifics here, op. Otherwise it just makes no sense, sorry.

As an employee I have boundaries yes. I'm not going to do 10 hours of work and get paid for 6 so as an employer if you aren't prepared to pay me tough luck I don't care how time sensitive it is you pay me or it doesn't get finished. That's my boundary and I'd class that as reasonable though the bosses probably disagree.

I don’t know. IMO a boundary is a meeting point. So yes, everyone will compromise up to a point. Sometimes there’s a field between 2 peoples’ boundaries unfortunately.

I just don’t think people are very good at doing “extra” anymore - as in volunteering because a job needs doing.

My DS is a swimmer and meets rely on parental support.
the number of parents who say they aren’t available to help but can be first in queue an hour before the doors open to get a prime seat and remain there all day is astonishing.

Yes, some have other children they need to run around and can’t be there - fair enough.

But some just drop off and leave for the day because they see it as free childcare and some sit and watch other parents support their kid with the hard bits. They don’t even get their kid to come back over the lunch break Menai g the volunteers aren’t getting one either.

Thing is I’m one of those who won’t refuse to help and will help beyond expected because I want the kids to have the opportunities and to support other volunteers.

Ultimately we make it easier for those who won’t - not to.

But it’s not those who won’t help who will lose out.

Its complicated.

YANBU though

This doesn’t make sense without specifics, it just makes you look like a martyr, and you might not be.

I feel like you’re conflating two different things. Boundaries are ok and there’s no need to compromise yours either. Shirking responsibilities and using personal boundaries as an excuse is not ok.

Without specific examples though it’s difficult to judge. If your the one that always ends up picking up the slack though I’d question a) do the jobs actually need doing if they’re only important to you and b) are the relationships with people worth holding on to if no one else will compromise

Completely agree. All this twaddle has gone in from America and now everyone is more selfish.
Their society is one where corporate jobs know no boundaries so it makes sense that people create one - but there’s a limit as if you don’t do your work you will be sacked. We get paid holiday and sick leave and have contracted working hours and notice, it isn’t the same.
Their society has also a far higher expectation of and tolerance for family breakup. They even talk about starter marriages. Marriage and family only works when you are a unit, not when everyone does their own thing and erects boundaries.

If you're one of those people who gets everything done on behalf of all the freeloaders, I can recommend going freelance if you can find a way to do it.

More information is needed.
If your colleagues boundaries are working the hours they're paid for and not staying late for free that's totally reasonable.

What jobs? Can you give an example?

Depends what the boundaries are- they aren’t an excuse for being lazy etc and avoiding doing your job.

Everyone should have REASONABLE boundaries! At work and at home.

Work - job description plus a little flexibility.

Home - fairness, support, flexibility.

We should all respect one another and not take advantage in either direction. Easier said than done I guess.

Boundary setting in professional and family situations where there is a need for collective action can only work as a collaboration.
You look at the work required and you divide it up fairly. Each person's boundary is then not doing more than their share. The group boundary is not taking on more as a team than is viable. Unfortunately people misinterpret it as a purely personal thing that means not doing more than they are comfortable with or feel like doing. Which leads to your situation.

needs context

but, I will say, I tend to be boundaried in my daily life - extensive experience of martial arts and therapy is a fantastic 1-2 combo

it also depends on your "adversary" - people with strong sociopathic or narcissistic traits view boundaries as a challenge to their core identities - I use plural intentionally