Am I wrong to continue to refuse to socialise with DH’s best man

[Westernweath]

I got married last summer (2025) and took offence to a comment made by DH’s best man. Juvenile humour at my expense. I remained calm at the time but told DH in no uncertain terms I would not socialise with him again.

He has respected that until now. Big row last night that I’ve ‘dragged it out for over a year and need to move on now’. I explained I felt embarrassed in front of family and friends. He says as he has apologised repeatedly I should give him a second chance, and be mindful that a lot of alcohol was consumed by him and he has ‘cut right down as a result’.

Maybe I am stubborn. But I believe that fool me once, you don’t get another chance.

YABU - move on and agree to meet up
YANBU - stick to your position

OMG! Get over yourself, girl!

It depends what he said. I’m not one for holding grudges but there are certain lines that cannot be crossed. For me that would be if he used the c-word to refer to me, or a racial epithet if I was non-white.

Pretty much anything else I’d forgive, but if the case is severe why can’t your husband socialise with him while you go out with your friends/family?

Yes, this isn’t worth creating a massive rift over. He meant it as a compliment and it came out wrong, it’s the kind of thing men say about their own mates but we do not.

I still don’t speak to DH brother and his family after an incident at our wedding 30 months ago. DH sees his brother and nephew (not his brothers wife). I’m done. I’ve made it clear. I don’t encourage much socialisation either with DS. However DH respects this choice and yours should too regardless of the cause. If you can’t get over it. You can’t get over it.

Can't see this marriage lasting if OP is going to harbour grudges to this level over such a trivial slight.

I’d say exactly the same to a man getting het up and holding a grudge about the mildest of crass jokes. Women disagreeing with each other about what’s funny or reasonable is not automatically misogyny ffs. I’m a staunch feminist but this performative victimhood and prissiness doesn’t help the cause.

Speak for yourself, I would absolutely say this to my mates

I mean if you were sitting in the sofa watching football and farting … what’s the problem?

He probably thought it was funny, tried to use the kind of "bro humour" he'd use with your DH (his best friend) and it fell flat. One of those things. Nothing worth holding a grudge over.

Honestly way over the top in my opinion. He made himself look like a bit of an idiot but didn't reflect on you. Cutting off your husbands bf for ever makes you look totally nuts to your wider friend group.

Good lord you really are a sensitive little butterfly, his comment was not that bad !

Was it true?

You could read a little further into the thread and find out... then you wouldn't look silly.

Everyone farts 💨

I feel embarrassed for you 😂

'performative victimhood and prissiness'

Well said!

He sounds revolting I wouldn’t want anything to do with him either!!

Don't totally ignore him,but avoid being in his company, if you find your self unfortunately in his company and he speaks,grey rock him and keep walking!

You've seriously banned your husband's best friend over that? It was stupid, granted, but not 'your dead to me' level of stupidity ... more like an anecdote taken poorly by you.

Hear hear!!!

If he has apologised sincerely on more than one occasion AND backed up those words with genuine change in his behaviour then YABU. Do you seriously intend never to speak to him again for the duration of your marriage? A principled stance is all very well but sometimes you have to consider your exit strategy.

I think he tried to bully you on your wedding day. Not only unforgiveable - it’s such an important day - but that he chose to do it and planned it. Never mind what’s happened since. This is not a person who deserves to be in your life.

It was a very childish attempt at humour but it was over a year ago and he has apologised profusely. He is hardly likely to say anything like that again (God help him if he does), so why not forgive and move on.

That was it? What a drama queen.

😆😆😆