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AIBU?

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DP ate the food I was saving for my daughter, AIBU?

227 replies

messier63 · Yesterday 13:30

DP ate the pasta I was saving for dd’s lunch and thinks im being dramatic over it. I know it’s literally pasta but im annoyed because he doesnt even get why it bothered me.

I made chicken pasta last night and dd ate some but said she didnt want the rest because she wasnt hungry. She likes it cold so I put it in a tub in the fridge for her lunch today. I do this loads with leftovers so its not like he didnt know I do it.

When I got up this morning the tub was in the sink and dp said he got hungry after I went to bed and ate it. He said he thought it was just leftover pasta and didnt realise it was for anyone. I said he knows I save stuff for dd but apparently that doesnt mean he has to know every tub in the fridge is already claimed.

He said I should have written her name on it if it was meant for her. I dont label every single thing I put in the fridge, like who actually does that in their own house. He knows I sort lunches and save food for the kids.

Money is a bit tight till payday and ive been trying to make what we have last instead of buying extra stuff. We do have food in, its not that serious, but id already sorted her lunch in my head. He said he could make her a sandwich but its the principle really.

dd thought she had the pasta for lunch so when I offered her other things she refused them and said she didnt want anything else. I just think dp could have checked first, especially as he knows I put leftovers aside for the kids. He says im making an argument out of nothing.

AIBU or should food thats been put aside for someone just be left alone? Would you expect to have to write names on everything in your own fridge?

OP posts:
Evaka · Yesterday 19:38

Sorry, is this a shared home with shared groceries/food budget, and both adults contribute to bills and expenses? If yes you're being bonkers.

If he's a mooching piece of shit who's moved in on you and your kids, contributes nothing and helps himself - yanbu to be annoyed but yabu for inflicting him on your child.

Tourmalines · Yesterday 19:38

Swmk · Yesterday 19:27

He sounds a greedy pig.

Really ?? You made that statement from someone being hungry and eating a bowl of pasta ? Do you know him that well to come to that conclusion?

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 19:44

BMW6 · Yesterday 19:30

I'd let this one go BUT write DD's name on her lunchbox and tell him that anything in it is out of bounds to anyone else. It's for her lunch next day. Hands Off.

Then if he scoffs contents in future just kick the fucker out - after he coughs up for replacement lunch £5.

He might be the one paying for the food at the moment...

Wonder if responses would be different if it wasn't a man who ate the leftovers.

Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 19:52

I think you need To Chill a little it was a bit of overcooked pasta

If you really didn’t Want it to be EATEN YOUshould’ve left a note on it

Could you have not cooked a bit more pasta or tell your daughter to be little less sassy and have a sandwich or soup or jacket or anything else?

How old is she? But no, I don’t think your husband did anything majorly wrong.

Caterina99 · Yesterday 20:06

It would probably annoy me slightly, but I’d get over it and then I’d make DD something else for lunch! if it was happening constantly that’s different.

DH is quite good and does usually ask if he doesn’t know. I do try and preempt this issue by labeling stuff or moving it out of the direct line of sight (where it becomes immediately invisible to DH) if I don’t want him to have it. For us it’s lunch stuff as he’s usually at home for weekday lunch and I’m not and he very often has leftovers.

I did hide a pack of rolls in the fridge this morning as were having burgers for dinner and we had exactly the right number of rolls left and I was concerned DH would eat one for his lunch if they were left out as they’re usually fair game! It worked!

BoredZelda · Yesterday 20:11

You label things in your own house because the people you live with aren’t mind readers. If you wanted it kept, you should have told him.

Starzinsky · Yesterday 20:12

Real non event. Definitely worse things a man can do.

BoredZelda · Yesterday 20:13

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 19:44

He might be the one paying for the food at the moment...

Wonder if responses would be different if it wasn't a man who ate the leftovers.

No, it wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter who pays for the food. What’s in the cupboard or the fridge is fair game for everyone. If you want it kept for a specific reason, you let people know.

BoredZelda · Yesterday 20:24

MrsBananaman · Yesterday 17:18

I don’t hate men but I do hate the way society coddles them, usually at the detriment of their wives and daughters.
It’s so sad for men that they’ve been allowed or encouraged to be so incompetent that they cannot help be lazy and selfish, and are indulged by the women who insist a man’s appetite must come first, he couldn’t possibly have heard the people in the same room discussing lunch, and a child is unreasonable for being sad her expected lunch is gone but he wasn’t unreasonable for eating it.

He ate some pasta from the fridge. It’s hardly coddling him to suggest that’s ok. It’s as much his fridge as it is hers.

I can be in the same room as people and not be aware of their conversation. There is nothing incompetent about that, it’s not my conversation, I don’t need to be part of it.

On the other hand, it seems we expect mothers to be unable to deal with the slightest of inconveniences and not take any responsibility for their part in causing them. God forbid women actually talk directly to their partners like most other adults would. Instead the wail “won’t somebody think of the children” goes up. It’s not a disaster, there is absolutely no issue with saying to a child “this happened so things have changed,” it’s a good teaching moment.

BobbleBear · Yesterday 20:25

On our house, If you didn’t cook it, you don’t get to eat it!

Evaka · Yesterday 20:26

BobbleBear · Yesterday 20:25

On our house, If you didn’t cook it, you don’t get to eat it!

God that is miserable.

schnubbins · Yesterday 20:28

I hope you never have teenage sons in the house as you will go to bed with a full fridge and wake up to an empty fridge quite regularly

Tourmalines · Yesterday 20:39

BobbleBear · Yesterday 20:25

On our house, If you didn’t cook it, you don’t get to eat it!

weird .

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 21:01

BoredZelda · Yesterday 20:13

No, it wouldn’t. It doesn’t matter who pays for the food. What’s in the cupboard or the fridge is fair game for everyone. If you want it kept for a specific reason, you let people know.

So we are in agreement.
My response was to the person saying that he should pay for DDs lunch.
Unless there is more to this and he doesn't contribute to the household/it's not his DD and he has separate meals then the food is for all.
If things are tight then OP needs to talk to him about the cut backs and keeping left overs for lunch, and what they can do if they are hungry to bulk meals out.

CoastalCalm · Yesterday 22:15

I have to pointedly tell my DH anything I want to register - a passing comment or an overheard conversation doesn’t cut it

Freshrain · Yesterday 22:44

CreativeGreen · Yesterday 18:52

Yeah just because you said it doesn’t mean he heard you! What an unreasonable suggestion! Next time tattoo it on his arm which is probably hollow because he’s a little boy who can’t be expected not to eat everything in sight!

the bar for these men is so unbelievably low

But in a house where there is more than one adult (and in terms of eating, I'd include teens in this), anyone can feel peckish and route around in the fridge or cupboards for something to snack on.

It is nothing to do with being a man, the same applies to me and to my adult daughters. If anyone of us wants to save something (to take to work the next day, or whatever), we write a note - 'Curry is my lunch, hands off' / 'I've bought the sausage rolls to take with me tomorrow on my walk' / 'Don't take the posh crisps, I've got them for a party tonight' / 'Please don't eat the last banana, I want it for breakfast' / etc

None of these notes are aimed at men more than women, just at anyone who might get peckish when in the house.

You are clearly bringing your own chip from your shoulder in to this conversation.

VividPinkTraybake · Today 01:57

MrsBananaman · Yesterday 13:46

Oh ok that case I would be really annoyed. So he either wasn’t listening and made an entirely avoidable mistake, or didn’t care and ate it anyway. I’d be raging at the rudeness either way.

"Raging at the rudeness"

Some people on this site just always want the o.p on defcon 4 at a drop of the hat don't they.

VividPinkTraybake · Today 01:59

Tourmalines · Yesterday 19:38

Really ?? You made that statement from someone being hungry and eating a bowl of pasta ? Do you know him that well to come to that conclusion?

I've noticed a real trend on here for people just to jump to overreaction and insults no matter how innocuous the situation

Katflapkit · Today 03:15

ChaChaChaChanges · Yesterday 13:34

Struggling to see that he did anything wrong here.

What about leaving the tub in the sink and not washing up after himself. Leaving it for the washing up fairy

JMSA · Today 03:17

I couldn’t get worked up over this.

ChatGTF · Today 04:47

So many people making up scenarios here that because OP’s DP ate some leftover pasta that he must be greedy, abusive or a cocklodger when nothing in the OP implies that at all.

He offered to make her DD something else to make up for it and she could have accepted that and drama over.

This is why I would never be in a relationship with someone with kids where if everything doesn’t revolve around them then you are in the wrong.
If her DD was aware of the friction over it and refused anything else to continue it then she is the one to blame really.

I’m aware of the hypocrisy and that I’m making up a scenario too but whatever the case it’s not worth holding a grudge over or making your DP hesitant to touch anything in the fridge in case it’s for OP’s DD.
If he hasn’t offered to make something else and had just shrugged it off or if there is a pattern of him doing this then fair enough.
If not then I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I’m walking on eggshells in case the DD sulks.

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · Today 05:54

Scarlettpixie · Yesterday 13:41

It was just a misunderstanding. He may have been in the room when you told DD she could have it for lunch tomorrow but this is one of those things that could easily not register. People zone out other people's conversations. You should have just said "Please leave the leftover pasta for DD's lunch tomorrow" - to him.

Leftovers in out house are usually fair game but if I made something to last 2 meals, I would ask DS not to eat them. Communicate!

This

Oakeydoke · Today 06:03

ChatGTF · Today 04:47

So many people making up scenarios here that because OP’s DP ate some leftover pasta that he must be greedy, abusive or a cocklodger when nothing in the OP implies that at all.

He offered to make her DD something else to make up for it and she could have accepted that and drama over.

This is why I would never be in a relationship with someone with kids where if everything doesn’t revolve around them then you are in the wrong.
If her DD was aware of the friction over it and refused anything else to continue it then she is the one to blame really.

I’m aware of the hypocrisy and that I’m making up a scenario too but whatever the case it’s not worth holding a grudge over or making your DP hesitant to touch anything in the fridge in case it’s for OP’s DD.
If he hasn’t offered to make something else and had just shrugged it off or if there is a pattern of him doing this then fair enough.
If not then I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I’m walking on eggshells in case the DD sulks.

Yes but OP’s radio silence indicates she doesn’t want to confirm everyone’s suspicions… it’s very easy to recognise a pattern of behaviour in men

CreativeGreen · Today 07:49

Freshrain · Yesterday 22:44

But in a house where there is more than one adult (and in terms of eating, I'd include teens in this), anyone can feel peckish and route around in the fridge or cupboards for something to snack on.

It is nothing to do with being a man, the same applies to me and to my adult daughters. If anyone of us wants to save something (to take to work the next day, or whatever), we write a note - 'Curry is my lunch, hands off' / 'I've bought the sausage rolls to take with me tomorrow on my walk' / 'Don't take the posh crisps, I've got them for a party tonight' / 'Please don't eat the last banana, I want it for breakfast' / etc

None of these notes are aimed at men more than women, just at anyone who might get peckish when in the house.

You are clearly bringing your own chip from your shoulder in to this conversation.

No I was more thinking of thr post about how men have insatiable appetites and can’t help eating everything. My own male partner doesn’t do this and I’m sorry for those whose partners do

GreenLeaf474 · Today 07:53

Most ridiculous thread ever. I often put leftovers in the fridge as does DH . I tell him what not to touch and would expect him to do the same for me. If it’s in the fridge not labelled and I haven’t been told it’s reserved I’m eating it. We hate waste and food can get forgotten in the fridge. Sorry it’s on you op and your daughter really needs to get over it. Life is full of disappointments a lot more weighty than not getting the packed lunch made for you that you thought you were having.