DP ate the food I was saving for my daughter, AIBU?

[messier63]

DP ate the pasta I was saving for dd’s lunch and thinks im being dramatic over it. I know it’s literally pasta but im annoyed because he doesnt even get why it bothered me.

I made chicken pasta last night and dd ate some but said she didnt want the rest because she wasnt hungry. She likes it cold so I put it in a tub in the fridge for her lunch today. I do this loads with leftovers so its not like he didnt know I do it.

When I got up this morning the tub was in the sink and dp said he got hungry after I went to bed and ate it. He said he thought it was just leftover pasta and didnt realise it was for anyone. I said he knows I save stuff for dd but apparently that doesnt mean he has to know every tub in the fridge is already claimed.

He said I should have written her name on it if it was meant for her. I dont label every single thing I put in the fridge, like who actually does that in their own house. He knows I sort lunches and save food for the kids.

Money is a bit tight till payday and ive been trying to make what we have last instead of buying extra stuff. We do have food in, its not that serious, but id already sorted her lunch in my head. He said he could make her a sandwich but its the principle really.

dd thought she had the pasta for lunch so when I offered her other things she refused them and said she didnt want anything else. I just think dp could have checked first, especially as he knows I put leftovers aside for the kids. He says im making an argument out of nothing.

AIBU or should food thats been put aside for someone just be left alone? Would you expect to have to write names on everything in your own fridge?

Does he live with you?

Does he contribute financially? You say money is tight, are things fairly split?

This sort of thing would annoy me too - if you are peckish eat a snack like toast, not an obvious meal that someone has gone to the effort of making and saving.

Yeah that’s totally different, and not remotely rhe same thing,

The system can be a label. It can be whatever suits them both. I used the word system loosely, a simple conversation or text would do too.

Exactly and why is allowed to eat off other people's plates? He stops or he eats on his own. That's awful, selfish and piggish.

We have the opposite problem. I put leftovers in the fridge and then nobody eats them because they assume that they've been left for someone else.

So I think it's perfectly sensible to eat leftovers rather than leave them languishing in the fridge, as might well have happened if your daughter had decided she didn't actually fancy the pasta when it got to lunch time.

Leftovers in my house are not 'fair game/up for grabs/whoever gets there first' - thankfully!

If your DP was in the kitchen with working eyes and ears, he should have been able to see/comprehend the scenario as it unfolded: DD didn't eat much pasta, HER leftovers were put in a tub for HER lunch the next day.

They were not put in the fridge for whichever greedy fucker gets there first and demolishes them.

Going massively against the grain here OP: I think your DP knew and didn't give a fuck.

Well he couldn't really have checked with you as you had gone to bed and he has claimed he didn't know it was earmarked for your DD's lunch so he wasn't listening when you told her. I don't think either of you is unreasonable, unless he frequently does this. Would a solution be an agreed shelf, or area of the fridge, where allocated leftovers are put? Or assume everything is claimed unless in a "free for all" box? It's up to both of you to work out a resolution.

You obviously communicated when he was in the room.

Is DD fussy with her food?

I thought that too. From the first post it didn't sound like she'd said anything to him otherwise why would she not have said to him, you already knew I was saving that food.
I'm not convinced she said anything but is trying to make her "D"P look worse than he really was.

I get more annoyed when people put leftovers in the fridge and no-one eats them and they get put in the bin days later!

YABU

I find it very hard to understand why you are so angry about this- you had not labelled it and he did not know it was intended for DD. Just because you often give leftovers for lunch, would not automatically lead me to assume every bit of leftover was for your DD’s lunch. It was not done with malice, or even thoughtlessness- he ate leftovers in the fridge, which you had not made clear was saved for another purpose. You are the one blowing this totally out of all proportion. In his shoes, I’d be totally unimpressed by your attitude.

Assuming he lives with you, and pays his share of living costs, he should not have to ask permission to eat in his own house. It would be a bit rude to eat something labelled otherwise, but he did not do that.

Your DD sounds inflexible- she could have had an alternative lunch provided but has chosen to cut off her nose to spite her face. So let her- she can find something else or go hungry. Either way, she’ll survive.

Why didnt you put this total drip feed vital bit of info in your post then?

In our house we just ask each other. It's really simple, it's communication not about who pays for what in the house (some posters, really!). It's just working together.

You're not being unreasonable OP, sadly going forward I think you're going to have to use post it notes because hubby is clearly incapable of asking.

YANBU, he knows times are tough and you save food for dd so he should have checked.

Is he dd's dad?

Solidarity OP 💐💐💐

He could have made a sandwich no???

Does he know you put leftovers aside for the kids?

....because? Oh right, because he doesn't pay attention to his family or the time saving this is for OP 🤦‍♀️ Lovely

Did you mention to DH it was earmarked for your DD lunch the next day?
If so, i think it was inconsiderate of him to eat it.
If not, he could have thought it was fine to eat it.
I can se why it was annoying though.

OP did .she told DD she'd put in the fridge (for her)

In my house we'd call out 'are you saving that for anything or is it ok if I eat it?' - I think that's a normal way to be and I think the DP should have asked.

So you didn’t actually tell him. I zone out of 80% of what my DH says let alone hearing what he’s talking about with DS.

Are you suggesting he ate it out of spite?

They were asleep.

Well it could be worse, my DS ate a sandwich in the fridge at midnight only for it to turn out to be my DD’s lunch for a sporting fixture the next day. She hadn’t written her name on it as she would normally as didn't anticipate brotherly munchies in the middle of the night. She wasn’t best pleased but chewed him out and made another and then went off. Didn’t dwell on it. It was just a sandwich

It's not a vital piece of information. She didn't say it to DP. You can't assume that people are listening in on conversations that don't involve them.
It would have taken 2 seconds to say "don't know if you heard DP, the leftovers are for DD". Instead she assumed he was a mind reader as she sometimes stores leftovers for DD.

Then I just wouldn't take it