DP ate the food I was saving for my daughter, AIBU?

[messier63]

DP ate the pasta I was saving for dd’s lunch and thinks im being dramatic over it. I know it’s literally pasta but im annoyed because he doesnt even get why it bothered me.

I made chicken pasta last night and dd ate some but said she didnt want the rest because she wasnt hungry. She likes it cold so I put it in a tub in the fridge for her lunch today. I do this loads with leftovers so its not like he didnt know I do it.

When I got up this morning the tub was in the sink and dp said he got hungry after I went to bed and ate it. He said he thought it was just leftover pasta and didnt realise it was for anyone. I said he knows I save stuff for dd but apparently that doesnt mean he has to know every tub in the fridge is already claimed.

He said I should have written her name on it if it was meant for her. I dont label every single thing I put in the fridge, like who actually does that in their own house. He knows I sort lunches and save food for the kids.

Money is a bit tight till payday and ive been trying to make what we have last instead of buying extra stuff. We do have food in, its not that serious, but id already sorted her lunch in my head. He said he could make her a sandwich but its the principle really.

dd thought she had the pasta for lunch so when I offered her other things she refused them and said she didnt want anything else. I just think dp could have checked first, especially as he knows I put leftovers aside for the kids. He says im making an argument out of nothing.

AIBU or should food thats been put aside for someone just be left alone? Would you expect to have to write names on everything in your own fridge?

If it was for a specific person then it needed to be labelled otherwise it is up for grabs for those living in the house. You are being a bit precious here. And DD should not have known what she was having for lunch to the point where she refuses to eat anything else.

NB I would be a bit miffed if food was in the fridge left over from someone's plate and it was not labelled as such, because my thing is not to eat left-overs from someone else's dinner - because yuk!
Your poor DP, he isn't free to eat his own food out of his own fridge. YANBVU.

"...raging at the rudeness..."!

"Raging" no less!

Half of MN must be in a constant state of the vapours with all the frothing they do over trivialities.

But by that logic you can't help yourself to any food in case it's been ear marked for something.

Do you go to bed particularly early Op, does he regularly eat another meal after his evening meal?

I can see both sides.

He wasn't clearly told that it was his daughter's lunch for the next day.

If I'd gone to bed I probably wouldn't expect that a meal's worth of leftovers would have been eaten by the next morning.

Well no, I don't think so. There's a difference between, say, some cheese off the block, or some juice from the carton, and the last rasher of bacon, right? If someone has gone to the bother of packing up leftovers, in my house, I would assume they had a plan for them.

Works for us, anyway.

How is it 'his own food'? He didn't make it! I'm sure there was plenty he could have eaten, just I'd have thought it would be obvious that someone had plans for that pasta.

He’s making it an argument? Sounds like you are. He ate it and then offered to make dd a lunch. Stop pandering to your child. She refused the meal. The meal hasn’t been wasted and has been eaten. Honestly, I think a grown man is allowed to go into the fridge that I suspect he contributed to and eat the food I assume he also contributes towards and eat it. He is right you should label it. You are not the only person in the house. He isn’t a mind reader.

It's probably a misunderstanding - next time, specifically ask him no to eat it.

I have to say though, there's a reason men make a bee-line for single mums and it's exactly coz there's always a fridge full of yummy snacks, sex on tap, plus he doesn't have to pay his fair share to live there which is what i'm assuming happens here as you say money is tight.

If he's your daughters dad, I take it back!

I can understand your frustration. You thought her lunch was sorted and instead you’ve got to make something in morning, although it’s good her offered.
I’d designate a specific lunch tub and if leftovers are in that it’s lunch not fair game.

But he may not have been listening and making mental notes. Keep some sticky labels handy to stop it happening again.

Really? In our house if there are leftovers they just go in a bowl in the fridge and someone hoovers them up!

Just buy some colored food tubs for designated (to DD) left overs.
OR
Post it notes in future.

Men are like overgrown boys with hollow legs, hoovering up anything in the fridge when they get peckish.

Lessons learned. 🤷‍♀️

Your DD is being a drama queen and you’re encouraging it. She won’t starve and the martyred refusal of anything else is a little over the top don’t you think?

You're mad because someone didn't mind read a plan that was un your head that you hadn't communicated?

Sounds like something that would happen to me!

You are definitely being unreasonable though (As is your daughter for refusing an alternative lunch)

So you didn’t tell him?

And why would he listen? You need to tell him directly to not touch x in the fridge. I feel sorry for your dp and also, you are raising your dd to be an entitled brat.

like who actually does that in their own house.

Me. I do this or DH and the adult DC eat things in the middle of the night. None of them pay any attention unless it's clearly labelled.

Jesus christ .... men can't help but eat everything in sight, and all common courtesy and convention goes out of the window because they're just boys who can't be expected to consider anyone else if they're peckish? I hope my daughters never end up with blokes who've been brought up to believe that.

So to be clear then - if OP doesn't want stuff she's cooked just to be taken, she must label it as though she's in student halls, or invest in special tubs. That said, since men have 'hollow legs' they may well be justified in taking it anyway. And if her food that she was looking forward to is taken by this hollow-legged toddler-man, it is on the daughter not to mind or be upset, and stop being a diva.

Once again, I'm astounded by some of the sexism in the assumptions about men and food on here.

Agree. If you've offered her the chance to have a meal together, and she refuses, she shouldn't necessarily assume she gets the food whenever it suits her. If you wanted that to be the case, you should have specifically told him and yes, labelled it if this happens a lot, or a have a specific bit of the fridge for her.

When I am wanting something saved for a specific reason, I let everyone know and ask them to leave it. They do.

You didn't mention this in your OP.

I would have assumed it was communal too. Maybe you need a different system to differentiate between general family food and specific individual food

I get where you are coming from about it being mentally sorted but I think this is a mild irritation then move on situation, unless there is more to it of course. To be fair of your dd didn’t want the pasta last night, so it’s fair for your dp to assume she might not want it for lunch either - it’s pretty valid to eat something that ‘needs using up’ if you are being careful with money too.

I would be raging because the bar is so insanely low for men anyway that it wouldn’t kill them not to take the absolute piss and literally take food out of their children’s mouths. I bet DH hasn’t planned everyone’s lunches and dinners for the week, but he just wanders around eating what he fancies and leaves OP to deal with the fallout. His selfishness upset their child and it was entirely avoidable. I would be raging.

As others have said, it sounds like a low level misunderstanding and lack of communication.

You said you told your daughter but I still haven't seen that you told your husband. It doesn't matter that he knows you keep leftovers for your daughter, he wasn't aware that this specific box of leftovers was only for your daughter.

If there's something in our fridge or cupboard that I don't want to be eaten I make sure that I tell all of my family "don't use the cheese, I'm saving that for a recipe on Thursday" or "please don't eat the leftovers, I'm out on the road tomorrow so it'll be my lunch".

I wonder if this post is more a symptom of something else in your relationship.