DP ate the food I was saving for my daughter, AIBU?

[messier63]

DP ate the pasta I was saving for dd’s lunch and thinks im being dramatic over it. I know it’s literally pasta but im annoyed because he doesnt even get why it bothered me.

I made chicken pasta last night and dd ate some but said she didnt want the rest because she wasnt hungry. She likes it cold so I put it in a tub in the fridge for her lunch today. I do this loads with leftovers so its not like he didnt know I do it.

When I got up this morning the tub was in the sink and dp said he got hungry after I went to bed and ate it. He said he thought it was just leftover pasta and didnt realise it was for anyone. I said he knows I save stuff for dd but apparently that doesnt mean he has to know every tub in the fridge is already claimed.

He said I should have written her name on it if it was meant for her. I dont label every single thing I put in the fridge, like who actually does that in their own house. He knows I sort lunches and save food for the kids.

Money is a bit tight till payday and ive been trying to make what we have last instead of buying extra stuff. We do have food in, its not that serious, but id already sorted her lunch in my head. He said he could make her a sandwich but its the principle really.

dd thought she had the pasta for lunch so when I offered her other things she refused them and said she didnt want anything else. I just think dp could have checked first, especially as he knows I put leftovers aside for the kids. He says im making an argument out of nothing.

AIBU or should food thats been put aside for someone just be left alone? Would you expect to have to write names on everything in your own fridge?

If it’s not in the bin, it’s been saved?

You are being unreasonable

I'm a bit torn.

It really depends on whether he should have known or at least considered it a possibility and checked and I don't think that point is clear. I can see how someone might not have known if you have all sorts of left overs/things in tubs in the fridge and they aren't all earmarked for specific things. And I agree he could be in the same room but not really listening to your conversation with DD.

But I also think a lot of men don't consider the household's needs and take what they want and let everyone else work around them. So would never cross his mind to look at food and think "hold on - this looks like the sort of thing messier63 might give DD for lunch, I'd better check." or even might think it might be DD's lunch but not care because it's messier63 who's going to have to sort out something else not him.

I don’t see how it was his right to eat it. He didn’t make it. If he was so hungry he should have made something for himself.

If I have leftovers and they are for a specific person they are labelled, my favourite is “Mum’s lunch, hands off”
anything that isn’t labelled is fair game in our house it seems.
As an adult I would check before I helped myself but I tend to do most of the cooking, food prep etc so my husband wouldn’t have a clue if the leftovers were for a specific reason, I’m not sure he’d think to check with me if it wasn’t labelled. He would just think he was eating something that I didn’t want to waste and had popped it in the fridge for someone to eat

you didn’t tell him though, you told DD and unless someone is specifically talking to me I will sometimes zone out and not be paying attention. In future label the tub if it is specifically to be used for another meal / someone else.

It’s not unreasonable for him to go into the communal home fridge and take some food if he is hungry that he hasn’t specifically been told not to use. YABU

But when you are on a budget, like most of us, it would be quite annoying for anyone in the household to start making a meal or snack from ingredients presumably there for another day's meal, when there were leftovers there, which it is reasonable enough to assume needed eating up.

I don’t hate men but I do hate the way society coddles them, usually at the detriment of their wives and daughters.
It’s so sad for men that they’ve been allowed or encouraged to be so incompetent that they cannot help be lazy and selfish, and are indulged by the women who insist a man’s appetite must come first, he couldn’t possibly have heard the people in the same room discussing lunch, and a child is unreasonable for being sad her expected lunch is gone but he wasn’t unreasonable for eating it.

We have 2 fridges. Everything in the main fridge is fair game. Anything we don’t want anyone else to eat goes in the small fridge. You need to label anything you don’t want as a free for all.

but apparently that doesnt mean he has to know every tub in the fridge is already claimed.

i mean… he has a point. Unless stated otherwise or in a recognisable lunchbox, I would assume leftovers are just leftovers to be eaten.

I can see why a lot of men and women stay single now.

All this drama over a bit of pasta.

Isn't it? If this happened in our house (which it does, so we do say don't eat that if it's going to be a problem), it'd just be "Sorry DD, dad didn't realise you were going to have the pasta for lunch and ate it, so he's going to make you a sandwich". And on with our lives.

Exactly! All this drama over something so utterly insignificant. It must be exhausting. Though I do think some people just enjoy being outraged, so maybe not exhausting for them I suppose.

They are all huge sweeping statements.
Do you think that all men are bad / the same?
Has every man you have met been as you describe above?

Doesn't mean he heard you. When other people in my house are talking to each other I'm not always listening to every single word.

Sorry but this one is on you for not being clearer.

Is your child starving? No?
Then chill. 🙄

You don't save food just because it's left over, and then it's just there if anyone wants it in the next couple of days?

I save all food. Did spag Bol last night. After I dished up all the spare went into tubs and into the fridge once cooled. Free for anyone and everyone to eat.

If I wanted to save it I’d stick a note on it or verbally tell everyone individually or the family whatapp 😂

Odd to just throw food away just because.

Bloody hell!! OP you are being ridiculous!!

How old is DD? If she was over 3 then she's being unreasonable to not want a sandwich.

Yeah just because you said it doesn’t mean he heard you! What an unreasonable suggestion! Next time tattoo it on his arm which is probably hollow because he’s a little boy who can’t be expected not to eat everything in sight!

the bar for these men is so unbelievably low

Again, that bar can barely be detected ….

He sounds a greedy pig.

I'd let this one go BUT write DD's name on her lunchbox and tell him that anything in it is out of bounds to anyone else. It's for her lunch next day. Hands Off.

Then if he scoffs contents in future just kick the fucker out - after he coughs up for replacement lunch £5.

How was he to know?