To have let my boys play outside with toy swords?

[cm100298]

My neighbour has just had a go at me about my boys playing outside and is now threatening to report them. They were playing with plastic swords pretending to fight and apparently they were making threats to people. I honestly dont know what to make of it. sorry if the typing is a bit dodgy my phones screen is cracked and its making it hard to type properly

dc (8 7 6 4) the older 3 were playing together and the little one was running around the field doing his own thing mostly. They were on the bit of enclosed grass opposite our house where they always play. its not someones garden and its fenced off from the road

we’ve only recently moved in and she’s never seemed to like them. She’s made comments before about them being noisy and has never been particularly friendly so I do wonder if she’s already decided theyre a nuisance and is looking for reasons to complain

It’s the first dry day we’ve had in days so they’ve been desperate to get out. They’ve been stuck in the house for days and were going a bit stir crazy. They took some toy swords and a plastic shield out with them and were playing some sort of battle game. Yes they were being loud but they werent damaging anything or bothering anyone deliberately as far as I knew

There werent any other children out there. It was just my four boys so they werent playing with or threatening anyone else. They were running around together and shouting as part of their game

My neighbour came over and said she was sick of them shouting and carrying on and that she’d heard them threatening to stab people with their swords. She said it was completely unacceptable and if I couldnt control them she’d report them. She mentioned the council and the police although I couldnt really tell if she was serious or just trying to scare me

she also said I was being unreasonable allowing the little one out there as well because he’s only little (he is small for his age aswell). But he was just running around the field and wasnt doing anything to anyone. I dont see why he should have to stay indoors when theres a safe enclosed bit of grass right opposite the house

I said theyre plastic toy swords and the boys are playing not actually going around threatening people. But if I’m honest I wasnt stood next to them the whole time so I cant swear blind about every single thing they said. I can hear them from the front window and check on them but I’m not right there listening to every word of their game

She was basically saying theyre old enough to know better and that its intimidating for other people to hear children shouting threats. I do understand that if they’ve actually said something nasty to somebody then thats not on but I dont know if she’s taken something said during a game completely out of context. She’s never liked them since we moved in so I’m finding it hard not to think this is partly about that

I brought them in and asked what had happened. I told them they cant go around threatening real people even as a joke but they insist they werent doing that

theyre all inside now and I’m starting to worry that I was unfair bringing them in when they hadnt actually done anything to her. I didnt want the situation to get worse or for her to call someone but it feels wrong that theyve been punished just because she doesnt like them. They were only playing together and there werent even any other kids there

For context our back garden is tiny and fully concrete so its not really suitable for four boys to run around playing in. This bit of grass opposite is where the local kids play and mine have always used it. I’m not saying theyre angels because theyre definitely loud and can get carried away but theyre children. I dont expect them to sit quietly indoors all day when the weathers finally dry

I’m just annoyed that she’s gone straight to threatening to report them rather than having a normal conversation with me. At the same time I dont want to be the parent who refuses to accept her kids have done anything wrong if they have

AIBU to let them play out with the toy swords? And does she actually have a point if they’ve been shouting things as part of their game?

Which law do you think makes it illegal to have a toy sword in public?

I live on an estate with a green area out the front. It's become a general play area for kids and I think it's a good thing as kids need to be able to play. Generally there's a parent visible though.
Maybe sit out the front and see for yourself if the neighbours have reason to complain or not? It would settle the argument and the kids will either learn to adjust playtime to not annoy the new neighbours or the neighbours will realise they can't make false accusations if you're there witnessing it all.

hope this article makes you feel better op

Risky play rewards children with better physical and mental health

https://www.thetimes.com/article/238e8e68-ac8a-4462-9831-a6fd35ff69ea?shareToken=99e15c4b7495a971267eb2c580c21921

The “space” is a completely enclosed field (possibly private property, the Op isn’t sure) across a road.

As if the Op would have clear sight of her 4 year old the entire time from her kitchen window

And in ways we should consider returning to this because kids are penned in at home constantly on screens and it’s resulting in mass anxiety and depression.

OP, I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. You know this field is enclosed and safe and you can see them at all times. You didn’t let them play next to a motorway. It sounds like they were four little boys using their imaginations - shock horror! Your NDN needs to get some friends.

If the field is fully enclosed… how do you get in?

Me too. I can't quite picture this 'enclosed'green field that is completely visible from the row of houses. Regardless of how enclosed it is, there are presumably a number of ways to get into it and therefore a number of ways out. No one should be leaving a 4 year old to wander around it. Kids that young have no common sense. I wouldn't leave a 6 year old out there either.

4 is far too young to be across any kind of road from a supervising adult. If they are out there then you need to be out there too. All it takes is one silly driver and a normal 4/5/6 year old’s utter lack of forethought and you have yourself a disaster.

your neighbour is probably less worried about the swords and more cross that 4 unsupervised children are running around without any kind of meaningful adult supervision.

There is risky play as in climbing a tree, jumping across a brook, biking down a dirt track etc - with appropriate adult supervision - and playing with no adult supervision at age 4 across a road from home. One is constructively risky, the other negligently risky. Very different.

Horses knew where they were going, and didn't stop! It was normally the rag & bone man.

Theres different kids from different families that play there. it’s communal.

And they are no safer for all our apps, phone-tracking etc than they were when my DC were 8 and 6 or I was 8. Indeed, they may be less safe because we are relying on technology which can lie to us, stop working, be hacked, stolen and falsified by the abductor etc.

Who’s talking about technology? We’re talking about a parent of a 4 and 6 year old actually making an effort to leave the house and supervise her kids whilst they play outside.

They were within sight and all together. But I thought the problem was the nosy neighbour who didn't like DC playing outside. I don't agree with the nosy neighbour. And playing without mum hovering over you is something DC need.

This is the very reason that some teenagers can barely function or be independent. They were never allowed to be away from hovering parents. How can you have children and not know that it's absolutely essential for kids to be able to play without their parents breathing down on them? The children were safe, it's fine.

I am a bit puzzled that you say the enclosed area is used by all the neighbourhood children to play on, yet on this day, the first dry day for ages because of the storms that have targeted your estate, your children were the only ones playing outside.

'This is the very reason that some teenagers can barely function or be independent. They were never allowed to be away from hovering parents'

You're supposed to hover when they're 4

I 'hovered' from inside, could see them at all times. They stayed where they could be seen, they knew they'd have to come in if they wandered off elsewhere. Mine were at school at 4, well able to play outside for a while in a quiet estate.

On the contrary this is the very reason some teens run wild and don't have social skills, lack of parenting at a young age. Not obviously in the ops case as she was watching from a window just generally hovering aka supervising is necessary and a good thing.

I think you were being unreasonable if they were out there by themselves. A four year old is much to young to be unsupervised in a public area.
Also if the neighbour was right about them bothering passers by and threatening to stab them with their swords she was not being unreasonable to complain as that is unacceptable too.

Op is it actually enclosed by a fence/hedge or is it just an open patch of grass surrounded by a road?

You're talking about a completely different scenario then aren't you? You're talking about neglect, that's not what the thread is about. If you have to tell lies and exaggerate to 'better' your posts then you can join the other poster who said OP's children were playing by the roadside 😂

Can't be enclosed by a fence or hedge surely or else she wouldn't be able to supervise from her house, surely she'd need to see the 4yr old? But then if open it's not particularly safe either. Little kids get easily distracted and often wander.

I hope the 8yr old knows they are looking after the 3 even younger ones.