To have let my boys play outside with toy swords?

[cm100298]

My neighbour has just had a go at me about my boys playing outside and is now threatening to report them. They were playing with plastic swords pretending to fight and apparently they were making threats to people. I honestly dont know what to make of it. sorry if the typing is a bit dodgy my phones screen is cracked and its making it hard to type properly

dc (8 7 6 4) the older 3 were playing together and the little one was running around the field doing his own thing mostly. They were on the bit of enclosed grass opposite our house where they always play. its not someones garden and its fenced off from the road

we’ve only recently moved in and she’s never seemed to like them. She’s made comments before about them being noisy and has never been particularly friendly so I do wonder if she’s already decided theyre a nuisance and is looking for reasons to complain

It’s the first dry day we’ve had in days so they’ve been desperate to get out. They’ve been stuck in the house for days and were going a bit stir crazy. They took some toy swords and a plastic shield out with them and were playing some sort of battle game. Yes they were being loud but they werent damaging anything or bothering anyone deliberately as far as I knew

There werent any other children out there. It was just my four boys so they werent playing with or threatening anyone else. They were running around together and shouting as part of their game

My neighbour came over and said she was sick of them shouting and carrying on and that she’d heard them threatening to stab people with their swords. She said it was completely unacceptable and if I couldnt control them she’d report them. She mentioned the council and the police although I couldnt really tell if she was serious or just trying to scare me

she also said I was being unreasonable allowing the little one out there as well because he’s only little (he is small for his age aswell). But he was just running around the field and wasnt doing anything to anyone. I dont see why he should have to stay indoors when theres a safe enclosed bit of grass right opposite the house

I said theyre plastic toy swords and the boys are playing not actually going around threatening people. But if I’m honest I wasnt stood next to them the whole time so I cant swear blind about every single thing they said. I can hear them from the front window and check on them but I’m not right there listening to every word of their game

She was basically saying theyre old enough to know better and that its intimidating for other people to hear children shouting threats. I do understand that if they’ve actually said something nasty to somebody then thats not on but I dont know if she’s taken something said during a game completely out of context. She’s never liked them since we moved in so I’m finding it hard not to think this is partly about that

I brought them in and asked what had happened. I told them they cant go around threatening real people even as a joke but they insist they werent doing that

theyre all inside now and I’m starting to worry that I was unfair bringing them in when they hadnt actually done anything to her. I didnt want the situation to get worse or for her to call someone but it feels wrong that theyve been punished just because she doesnt like them. They were only playing together and there werent even any other kids there

For context our back garden is tiny and fully concrete so its not really suitable for four boys to run around playing in. This bit of grass opposite is where the local kids play and mine have always used it. I’m not saying theyre angels because theyre definitely loud and can get carried away but theyre children. I dont expect them to sit quietly indoors all day when the weathers finally dry

I’m just annoyed that she’s gone straight to threatening to report them rather than having a normal conversation with me. At the same time I dont want to be the parent who refuses to accept her kids have done anything wrong if they have

AIBU to let them play out with the toy swords? And does she actually have a point if they’ve been shouting things as part of their game?

I am from a similar era. I certainly wasn't allowed out to play with my sibs when I was 4!!!

My "unfortunate history" didnt make me a risk averse paranoic. Because it taught me that women and children are far more at risk in their own homes than they are everywhere else.

But I have critical thinking skills. Shame that you don't.

One of them married your daughter?

The problem is, you left them unsupervised so you don't actually know what went on. Of course theyre not going to tell the whole truth if they were being silly or outspoken through fear of getting in trouble!
Your neighbour sounds like she's overreacting however, in order to not be one of those mums 'don't speak like that about my boys, they'd never do that!' you need to supervise them properly if only to safeguard them from false allegations!

You’re absolutely right. The higher risk is from within the family but there is still a risk outside of the home too.

This is so lovely!

We've a family opposite with three young children. We're in a very quiet cul de sac. The children go out with mum or dad to play on bikes, little toy tractors it's lovely to hear them having fun. But another neighbour complains a lot about them to other neighbours.

I'd just ignore her.

@BigBadPotato @sprigatito Imaginative play outside is really good for children. I did it, my children did it, and the younger children who live around here charge around on a nearby grassy area too.

No one will take seriously if she reports you. I agree with others that you should be supervising properly though.

Really surprises me you were the first to say this. Yes, in the past, 4 year olds went out with no adult directly watching them, but thought that went out long ago. And if they are threatening people, that could be very worrying for frail people-if you've just had an operation, or have a serious health condition, even being hit with a plastic sword could mean you're stuck in hospital.

Of course it’s ok for your kids to play on the grass outside. It was 2pm not 2am!!

4 is a bit young but if he’s with his brothers in a fenced area that you can see and get to in seconds then it’s fine.

some people are being ridiculous. Not everyone have massive gardens. And tbh even with a decent garden, kids playing will always annoy some people. She just doesn’t like it.

let them play OP and hope they enjoy the fresh air. Just maybe pop out and check their language to double check they’re not being too cheeky.

sorry about your housing situation.

Nor me , born mid 60s , my mum didn’t let us play out at that age unsupervised but then from what I’ve seen about 60/70s childhoods on here I think my parents were an anomaly .

I wouldn't leave kids of those ages unsupervised. Also, when they are old enough to play outside unsupervised they also need to be responsible enough. Being responsible enough also means not being antisocial and bothering other people.

@cm100298 doesnt know what the kids were saying to people. Doesnt know if the grassed area is private property. Doesn't know what they were doing because they wasn't actually watching. Ignorance isnt a defence.

It’s actually illegal to have plastic swords/knifes in a public place and if they are ‘making threats’ even if it to each other then yes the police can be called.

This enclosed field across a road must have been tiny if you were able to see your 4 year old from your kitchen window the entire time

Fully agree with this. If a school did this they would be in a lot of trouble. Why do you think you can just hope nothing bad happens. They need to be supervised. And if you had then the woman wouldn't have had a problem. As you would have seen exactly what happened.

Horses tend to stop or swerve when someone appears in front of them and they certainly weren't going at least 30 mph.

If they had no reins, how did they steer them round corners?

I absolutely LOVE this story! (Also I do HEMA too, and played with toy swords as a kid. The posters who think playing with toy swords make kids into psychopaths are cracking me up😂We understood the difference between pretending and real life from a young age, strangely.)

We played with guns, had those smelly caps and everything.

The issue shouldn't be the toy used it's the lack of an adult present. Not quite sure why the op doesn't see that with a 4yr old they need an adult in attendance, not across the street occasionally peering through a window.

Imagine if at primary school the teachers just left the kids to it in the playground and sat in the staffroom. Doesn't happen because primary aged kids need adults supervising.

We have a similar set up in a cul de sac near us. It's completely normal for the kids to play out from the age of about 4 with parents keeping an eye from their houses. Of course it depends where you live and what the area is like.

Fuuuuuucking hell! Who in their right mind would call the police to report kids out playing?

Next time she comes to you with a similar complaint ask who they were threatening. (I suspect the boys were just shouting that they were going to stab each other as part of the game). Whatever she says (unless it actually is a serious worry) I would just respond "Thanks for letting me know. I'll have a word with them.". Don't promise anything else. I might start calling them in and sending them straight into the back yard to play so that the neighbour starts to realise that over the road is a better bet and leaves well alone.

She just doesn't like that there are kids around. It's the sort of unfriendliness that has helped make the UK one of the worst developed countries to grow up in as a child. But you don't have to let the pressure change the way you let them play. Absorb it so your kids can have a decent childhood.

Getting outside and playing on their own with minimal oversight is one of the best ways to help them develop resilience, emotional regulation, conflict resolution, risk assessment, and social skills. It is great for them and I encourage you to keep doing it.

I'd tell her to bore off and to send the police over when she's done with them so you can report her harassment of you and your children.

If it's not the first time she's complained and you've lived there a matter of months, I'd put her down as one of those annoying neighbours.

@OutAndAbouting

I'm not sure the Jamie Bulger case is a relevant comparison here. There's nothing to suggest that those kids would go and brutally murder someone.

It is certainly not a normal part of childs play as you seem to infer.

It may not be normal for everyone, but in my experience, it was normal for me, growing up, to play with toy weapons, and other children that I knew played with toy weapons as well. Water pistols are essentially toy guns, aren't they? I'd say they are a normal part of many people's childhood.

When I was about 10 years old, my Dad made me a couple of wooden swords so that I could play sword fighting. (I'd got into the Narnia books and enjoyed the old BBC series and wanted to play at having sword fights myself.) I used to play in the garden, fighting with those wooden swords.

I agree that I don't think it's appropriate to have a child as young as four outside without full supervision.

We have no idea what they were doing, and if and whom they were threatening.

Right, we don't know for sure. Which is why it seems quite strong to declare that the boys were playing threatening games. Perhaps they threatened passers-by, in which case you'd be correct, but it's also possible that they only made silly, un-serious threats to each other as part of their play. When I was a kid, we used to sometimes make our hands into the shape of a gun and pretend to shoot each other, and the "victim" of the shooting would do a big exaggerated collapse as though they'd actually been shot.

Anyone doubting the benefits to both the younger and older siblings in this scenario should have a read of Play is the Way by Peter Gray. You'll see how much learning and development can occur in this environment.

Let kids play out!

She must be the terrible dragon they are meant to slay.