To think he’s too old for her

[BeGreySnake]

I have 3 children, eldest is 17 and in 6th form. She is 18 in April.
She is quite a quiet and studious girl, good group of friends, she is learning to drive and works part time. I know she has had boys who she’s liked but there’s been no boyfriends that I have known of.
About a month ago she went out to a pub and saw friends from the year above, who work together and who were out with their colleagues. One of these colleagues started chatting to my daughter and they hit it off. He is 27.
They have been somewhat inseparable ever since. I haven’t met him, but I have invited him over so hopefully I will get to soon. He has his own place so they tend to go there if they’re not out.
Its hard as she is smitten and I can’t say he has done anything wrong as such, but I just struggle with why an adult would want to date a school girl (albeit one who will be an adult in a few months). I have had the usual chats about being careful/contraception etc.

Exactly.

But the parallel universe that MN is, some people defend the creepiest of men.

My 19 year old daughter mention how a guy she knew through tennis, also 19 years old, was going out with a 17 year old last summer, and she and her friends thought that was icky.

Two years is one thing, but no, he's in university and she is still in school and it was judged as off.

Yanbu.
Hopefully it will fizzle out but where does he work?
Would he be happy with his employer knowing he's dating a 17 year old?

I would be concerned he might impact her further education plans.

Watch things very carefully and absolutely no overnights etc.
I would be collecting her from nights out.

Yeah to try and make the age gap sound even bigger.

Yes, he[s 96 and still very compos mentis, driving, etc.

Young women like older me. Older men like girls. I agree that 27 and 17 is pure ick but in my experience it won't last.

I think she sounds like an ideal daughter and you need to trust her. If you intervene you may lose the lovely relationship you currently have with her.

These things tend to have a way of working out if they run their course.

See my o level year was 87. The borough i went to school in had 3% of kids go to uni

Which is less than 6 months away. Not 6 years

So? In some countries the age of consent is even lower than that, does it make it ok? Absolutely fucking not.

Because 17-year-olds are not children, that's flipping well why.

They're teenagers/young adults.
They can drive cars, get a job, have sex, pay tax and even vote.

It's ludicrous to think that an 11-year-old and a 17-year-old are anywhere near the same. Ludicrous.

Well it makes it ok here. Is 15 and 21 really so different to 16 and 21 or 16 and 22 which would be legal in the UK?

I wasn’t saying they are the same. Thsts stupid to even try to suggest. The poster I was responding to made a comment about a 17 year old being ‘physically an adult’ - 11 year olds can also be that developed - that was all I meant, but you must have known that?

17 year olds are children, no matter how many people tie themselves in knits that fact remains that we don’t have a legal distinction between children’s ages here. They are children until they become adults.

Yes, because 15 is under the age of consent.

I remember being 17 and it felt like a huge gap when I dated a 21 year old. Can't imagine what 27 must be like for her!

If she was the 15 year old then I think she has the right years later to hold the opinion that she used the 21 year old to gain sexual experience just as much as he used her to obtain sex, no?

You can think that. I don’t.

17 year olds are children, no matter how many people tie themselves in knits that fact remains that we don’t have a legal distinction between children’s ages here. They are children until they become adults.

Surely the only people who would call a 17 year old a child are the young person's parents and anyone who is offended by feeling they are being too young to be involved in something they are involved in?

I doubt there's a 17 year old in the whole country who would describe themselves as a child, and most would be downright annoyed to be called a child and most adults wouldn't call them one.

You don't think people have a right to hold an opinion about their own life?

How extraordinary.,

She’s only a year younger than Diana was when she married Charles who was more than 10 yrs older.

I was that 15 year old. I wanted to have sex for the first time with someone older--not a pimply-faced youth of my own age. I didn't give a toss about the age of consent. That's just social engineering. Someone pointed out that it would have been legal in Germany. Both there, in the Netherlands, Italy and a host of other places the age of consent is still 14. At the time, I wouldn't have considered a German girl to be more mature than me, and I still wouldn't.

Diana was 20 when she married Charles. The OPDD is 17. Your maths is off.

I met my husband when I started uni at 18, he was a mature student of 27. Sometimes you just get on with who you get on with. We've been together 20 years this year. Happily married with an 18 year old daughter. I can assure you that I whole heartedly pursued him and love him even more than I did then. If he is a nice guy, it may work out, if not, she'll see him off.

Sorry no, that’s not what I meant. I commented on the fact that posters opinion hasn’t changed despite being a fully grown adult now. Would you be happy with your 15 year old having sex with a 21 year old? Surely not?

Are you suggesting 14 is reasonable as an age of consent?

An idle thought, but still connected to the age gap thing. If teenage girls still put up posters of their icons on their bedroom walls, I bet those pics of throbbing desire are all a lot older. When I was 15, I had one of the Spanish matador, El Cordobes, on mine. He was 20 years older and I would have shagged him in a heartbeat. Another was of Robert Plant of Led Zep, 8 years older. Same thing.

“An idle thought” indeed