To think he’s too old for her

[BeGreySnake]

I have 3 children, eldest is 17 and in 6th form. She is 18 in April.
She is quite a quiet and studious girl, good group of friends, she is learning to drive and works part time. I know she has had boys who she’s liked but there’s been no boyfriends that I have known of.
About a month ago she went out to a pub and saw friends from the year above, who work together and who were out with their colleagues. One of these colleagues started chatting to my daughter and they hit it off. He is 27.
They have been somewhat inseparable ever since. I haven’t met him, but I have invited him over so hopefully I will get to soon. He has his own place so they tend to go there if they’re not out.
Its hard as she is smitten and I can’t say he has done anything wrong as such, but I just struggle with why an adult would want to date a school girl (albeit one who will be an adult in a few months). I have had the usual chats about being careful/contraception etc.

I find men who want to date under 18s utterly disgusting personally. And I think your daughter will find his interest deteriorates once she gets a bit older. If you’re 27 and interested in 17 year olds then you won’t be interested once that 17 year old becomes 21

How come (from some pp’s) he’s ’nearly 30’ but she’s not nearly 20?

I always deeply pity these type of responses.🙄

There is simply NO comparison as others have pointed out.🙄

Well it's been posted on here, so it's fair game for us all to weigh in on, and actually, that's what the OP is asking for, opinions.

I was 17 and a half when I married a man 25..He showed me off to his friends as a trophy wife..the marrage lasted 2 and a half yrs before I walked out..he was out partying every weekend and sleeping around..not the life I signed up for..3yr later I met my late partner and we were married for 50yr..very happily married.and he was 2 and a half Yr younger than me..

Ok so not quite as big a gap but DD is 18 BF is 24.

Same 6 year age gap with me and her dad so cant exactly say anything.

However she has never been one to be bothered by a boyfriend been chased a lot over the year and just find boys her age childish and not ready to settle. They all want to be "seeing" each other rather than "official" and my DD hasn't got time for the crap apparently.

They say girls mature faster and I must say agree.
Hes a lovely lad and got all that out of his system apparently 🤣
Steady job but still at home currently so I don't have the issue of her playing house yet and can still keep an eye.

I'm only quoting what you said, which seemed to me to suggest that ANY 10 year age gap was wrong.

That's a big age gap given how young she is. A 27 year old man has no place dating a 17yo in this era. I was in a similar he gap relationship as a teen (I was 18, he was 28 it turned out, I believed he was younger at first) and it was not good for me. He was increasingly controlling and kept going on about how he didn't like women his age because they "all had baggage"
I wish somebody had warned me at the time! He was emotionally abusive and cruel.

What’s the point in literally anyone posting opinions on an anonymous forum if we shouldn’t share thoughts on anything that doesn’t directly involve us 😂

Yuk! He’s weird let’s be honest. Nothing you can do. Get him round to your house more! You know what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies
closer ;)

It's such a weird dynamic, it's not even the physical years between them. There will be many queuing up to say there is 15, 20, 25 and 30 years difference and we are happy. She is at school and it's her at the edge of an adult life and he is grown, working full time with his own place.

I wouldn't be happy. He is too old for her, why pick a pick a school girl for a relationship. Will she reconsidering further eduction for him now?

This is absolutely wrong. She's still at school FFS. Not sure what you do about it but it's not good

What's likely to happen is that he's perfectly decent but she will get into university and it'll all fizzle out.

Or he'll decide she's a bit too young for him and they'll break up. There'll be a few tears and she'll move on.

No real harm done. Don't get me wrong, I can see there being issues owing to the age gap but all PP's comments about him being a creepy weirdo, Clare's law purely because of the age cap and so on are just ridiculously over-the-top.

The law might class a 17 year old as a child. So might the parents. But however social norms have changed, the aftermath of puberty hasn't. Girls are very often looking for sex too. When I was 15 (in the jurassic 1970s) I lost my virginity to a 21 year old lad who I first met at a disco. He wanted sex, but so did I. No harm done.
People who didn't live through those hippy-dippy times don't seem to realise that sex was often regarded as merely recreational. I think we had a lot less hang-ups

I was 19 when I met my now husband - he was 27. 30 years later and still together.

My sister met her husband when she was 20 and he was 36. All the old folks said OHHHHH!
They will be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary soon!
Just saying...

No, 17 is clearly not a child. Physically an adult. Young people is the term used for those aged for those ages 15 to 24 by the UN and WHO.

so he's nearly 100 now?

Not an adult then. I’m not sure why so many people are determined to convince us that a 17 year old is not a child. 11 year olds can have physically adult bodies ffs so I’m not sure why you think the development matters in any way.

I have no problem with 17 year olds having sex. I have a problem with grown men being involved. The fact that you don’t think a 21 year old having sex with a 15 year old is wrong is quite worrying, particularly if you have children.

What they said ^ 👏

You can 'just say' as much as you like. 1966 was a completely different time.

These 'me auntie Flo and Uncle Bill got married in 1963 with a 15-16 year age gap, and they're still married 63 years later' type posts are absolutely ludicrous.

It's 2026, not the 1960s. Sooo many things were 'accepted' then, including words and phrases and all kinds of shit including racism and ableism and sexism. Men got away with waaay more than they do now. There were fewer laws protecting women.

The fact something happened 60 years ago is irrelevant to the OP's dilemma, and the fact that a 30 year old grown man is dating her school age daughter.

Would be legal here in Germany unless the 21 yo was a teacher or in a position of power over the 15yo.

I don't think there is always a power imbalance, personality is a big issue. I briefly dated a 26 yr old at 18, not quite the same gap but close. I was very much the one in control and I broke up with him. I wanted to be out partying and snogging all sorts. I wanted some sexual experiences. He had done all that and wanted a stable serious relationship he very much wanted to be in love and be loved and I wasn't at that stage yet. Quite the opposite of what people presumed.

Similarly a friend of mine met a 25 year old when she was 16, they hit it off and kissed and he was smitten but freaked out when he realised her age. She was gutted and so was he but he felt it was wrong and didn't want the judgment. But they stayed in touch on and off and got together when she was 19. They got married last year and are expecting their first child. Two souls can connect sometimes regardless of age