To think he’s too old for her

[BeGreySnake]

I have 3 children, eldest is 17 and in 6th form. She is 18 in April.
She is quite a quiet and studious girl, good group of friends, she is learning to drive and works part time. I know she has had boys who she’s liked but there’s been no boyfriends that I have known of.
About a month ago she went out to a pub and saw friends from the year above, who work together and who were out with their colleagues. One of these colleagues started chatting to my daughter and they hit it off. He is 27.
They have been somewhat inseparable ever since. I haven’t met him, but I have invited him over so hopefully I will get to soon. He has his own place so they tend to go there if they’re not out.
Its hard as she is smitten and I can’t say he has done anything wrong as such, but I just struggle with why an adult would want to date a school girl (albeit one who will be an adult in a few months). I have had the usual chats about being careful/contraception etc.

She's an adult now, she is entitled to make her own choices for better or worse.

Your reasoning seems to be along the lines of if she is old enough that she or any if her mates drink alcohol underage, then that is adult enough to be fair game for grown men. You seem to have no concept of how inappropriate your comments are. And with regard to your other posts, no concept of how a large age gap before a girl has even left school is different to an age gap in her 20's or after. Life experience is the power imbalance, not whether a boss or teacher etc. There is such a lack of critical thinking here, are you actually just hamming it up?

Some 27 yo men are very immature, but would you actually wish your young DD saddled with one before she has had time to study or travel or do her own thing for a bit? And the chances of being caught in a far too serious relationship, far faster and longer than a more age appropriate relationship, are much much higher... precisely because it so often is coercive (and/or creepy) ...obviously not always... but experience suggests a great deal more often than not.

So if your 21 year old daughter came back with a 90 year old man, you would… what?

What could I do?

This. ^

To be honest I am not responding to the (few) posters condoning this now. I don't know anyone in real life who would think a 30 year old man dating a 17 year old teenage girl is OK.

Except a man who is around that age or older... 🤔

.

Report her for elder abuse?

Can you imagine having dated any 17 year old boy when you were a 27 year old woman? Dating a boy still in sixth form?

Urge her to reconsider. Express your serious concerns.

You'd have to remain disgusted then. It's actually none of your business what people do.

Nothing to do with me or you.

Be very careful with this. I know someone with that exact age gap, she ended up not going away to Uni as she didn’t want to leave him, had kids very young and never developed a career. As he was so much older he was earning enough to look after them both financially so she never had the motivation. Then when it eventually ended years later she was left totally vulnerable with no career and kids to look after.

No normal 27 year old would be interested in a 17 year old.

Has she introduced him to her friends? What do they think?

I don't agree with your last sentence but the main paragraph is the real worry with this. Unfortunately there's sod all her mother can do about stopping it, anything she does is likely to push her further into it.

The post hidden just above, in case it doesn't come back, is a true story about a 35/18 f/m age gap relationship while I was at school and one I have written about before. I have no idea why anyone would report it.

It’s really weird how many people jump to defend creepy bastards. Worrying. I’m not sure if they don’t recognise it, can’t face up tot the fact it happened to them so deny an issue or if they genuinely believe it’s ok.

A 27 year old grown man and a 17 year old child who is absolutely still a child despite the numerous posters trying to suggest otherwise. It’s vile. And these men know it, their attraction is to young people. 16/17 is legally ok so they stay on the right side of the law, but lest he real here, adults are not or should not be attracted to children regardless of which side of puberty that child is on.

The protection of children and the vulnerable is the responsibility of all of society. Would you say ‘it’s none of your business’ if you saw a young woman being abused or a teen being trafficked?

@BeGreySnake
Maybe a bit old, but she's nearly 18 isn't she? If you show you don't like it or want them together, it will only cement them together. Make friends with him, suss him out, keep your enemies close

My reasoning is that there isn't that much of an age gap between 17 and 27 in that I'm particularly morally outraged by it, therefore I couldn't give a stuff if a 17-year-old girl dates a 27-year-old young man.

And of course I realise that ten years isn't the same at every age of life.
I was just pointing out how ridiculous the suggestions that ten years in itself is a big deal.

I realise that she may out grow him, that there may be issues but to suggest that he's some kind of creep, weirdo or coercive for wanting to date a young woman of 17 when he's only 27 himself is ludicrous.

My reasoning is that there isn't that much of an age gap between 17 and 27 in that I'm particularly morally outraged by it, therefore I couldn't give a stuff if a 17-year-old girl dates a 27-year-old young man.

And of course I realise that ten years isn't the same at every age of life.
I was just pointing out how ridiculous the suggestions that ten years in itself is a big deal.

I realise that she may out grow him, that there may be issues but to suggest that he's some kind of creep, weirdo or coercive for wanting to date a young woman of 17 when he's only 27 himself is ludicrous.

Not old enough to get married in England or Wales. Not old enough to send him topless pictures of herself. Not old enough to buy a house or a bottle of wine. Because she is a child.

Lots of people seem OK with this age gap when the girl is 17 and the male is 27. I often wonder if they'd feel the same if their 17 year old boy announced they were seeing a 27 year old woman and what they would think of that woman. It's too large a gap when one of the pair is still in their teens; 34 and 44, for example, isn't the same because the power imbalance is not as pronounced. Both then have plenty of life experience. A man of 27 looking at a 17 year old is either lacking in something or predatory. I said what I said.

Ive had this. Keep calm its bound to fizzle out. Leave it to her friends to point out the weirdness. The more you dig in the more he seem attractive. Noone likes parents criticising their partner.

Agree with this. He definitely must be lacking in something to want to date a teenager. I work with men around this age and I don’t think they would be interested in teenage girls. I could be wrong though!

Someone i worked with was a similiar age when she met her future husband, he was 10 years older
They now have 2 beautiful children, both work hard, have a great life, support each other , theres alot of love in their family.