To think it’s obvious which children don’t attend nursery?

[Omgshesaidthat]

I met up with a group of mum friends yesterday and it just got me thinking how to me it’s so obvious when a child doesn’t go to nursery.

From the group, only one mum didn’t go back to work after her maternity leave - at the time I felt quite envious but seeing her boy compared to the rest of the group now they are all 2 has made me think that I’m not actually so sure that being at home is such a good thing.

For example he’s not potty trained yet whereas the rest of the group are well on their way or totally dry and his speech is nowhere near as good as the others - even with things like numbers & alphabet, DD is parroting it all back to me whereas this little boy isn’t yet.

We did an organised activity and all the other children in the group sat nicely & listened and then participated whereas my friend’s boy just did his own thing the whole time.

My friend is a good mum and she does take him to playgroup and sets up little activities for him at home so it’s not like he’s just sat doing nothing all day. But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home and the impact of children being in that environment and surrounded by other children is huge for their development.

Mine didn't go to nursery until 2 and he was speaking in 6-7 word sentences by second birthday (he's still mega chatty today). He had also been walking since he was 10 months.

You're just trying to make yourself better about your own choices.

What a load of judgemental bollocks over a 2 year old.

If it helps match your sample size of one op, I have a 2 year old who goes to nursery and isn’t potty trained yet.

Not really sure how you have come to this conclusion based on a sample size of one...? Anecdotally my DD is 2.5, has never been to nursery, potty trained at 25 months in 3 days, has been speaking in sentences since 18 months old. But. again, this is a sample size of one so I don't use this to draw meaningful conclusions!

I work in childcare and I'm grateful almost daily that I kept my kids at home until school nursery (year before Reception) which was only mornings anyway. I enjoyed them so much!

I feel so sad for these kids that are with us from 7am-6pm and spend more time with strangers than their own parents. Many nurseries are staffed by overworked and underpaid people who can never love your child in the way you do.

Whether you don’t intend to be judgemental or not, you are. I was a stay at home parent with two boys who were both potty trained before 2 years of age, they could read flash cards, understand letter sounds and write their own name by the time they started reception at the age of 4. They didn’t need nursery to learn this.

At 2 years old they are all developing and hitting different milestones at different stages. They don’t need to go to nursery to learn toilet training etc-that’s a parent’s job.

All children in England are entitled to some free preschool hours from the term after their 3rd birthday. It’s a good age to start preparing them for school and isn’t necessary before.

Yes you can see a difference but stop being judgemental to make yourself feel better about working as this is how you are coming across. Just own your decision to use childcare and work not put those down that chose not to. That poor mum having you as a 'friend'.

At 2, the range of what is normal is vast. Just because 1 is not doing something now doesn't mean they are behind or not as good as others. It just means they have developing differently.

Neither of mine where potty trained at 2 and they went to full time nursery from 11 months. One was a chatty box, the other not so much. One would sit still for activities, one even now at 9 years would prefer not too.

SMH. Women like you are the reason I dropped out of the whole NCT post birth community almost immediately…sitting in judgement of another woman’s choices, competitive parenting and silent superiority. No thanks.

OP, I think it's obvious you don't know the first thing about child development. Maybe if you actually cared for your own child once in a while you would have a better idea. Yes I went there.

You sound smug. Children develop at their own rate.

Exact opposite is true, in my experience.
The standards in nurseries vary widely; they're in the gutter around here.

Someone said something to me once and I think it’s brilliant and still do…. It doesn’t matter what age your child or someone else’s does something it’s not going to be on their cv so it doesn’t make a difference. Let kids do things when they’re meant to. All kids are different

I took my Dd to a music group for babies and toddlers, one of my neighbours went with her toddler, he was unable to join in, spent the whole time running around the room, despite her best efforts- he's now a 4th yr medical student. I think it's far too early at 2 to tell if not going to nursery will delay their development, my Dd didn't go until 2 1/2, she's fine

Nah. You’re using it to make yourself feel better about your kid being in nursery. You said it yourself you were jealous. (I’m not saying either is better fyi).

FGS he's TWO.

1. it's really ok not to be potty trained at 2.
2. he doesn't need to be able to parrot some numbers and the alphabet.
3. being "school-ready" can be approached in the 12 months before the child is due to begin. It certainly doesn't have to start at 2.

I won't go into what I think about school readiness in general and this ridiculous notion that TWO YEAR OLD CHILDREN need to get on life's treadmill at this age but hear this really carefully:

Your friend's son is not behind. His speech may appear delayed compared to the other children you saw. Unless his mum doesn't interact with him, that is unlikely to have anything to do with not going to nursery and you have absolutely no idea if the little boy has any kind of additional need or if he is simply going to develop his language skills a bit later on. It may surprise you to know that PLENTY of children who attend a nursery setting have some kind of language delay.

Your friend's son is benefitting from a pressure-free childhood and being allowed to develop at his own rate. He also receives (unless you're concerned about neglect, in which case this is a different thread) 1:1 quality linguistic input from an adult throughout his day.

Your friend may (oh, by the way, completely reasonably and sensibly) decided that he doesn't need to learn his numbers or letters yet and that he is exactly where he should be just playing.

Also, it's totally normal for two year olds not to be able to wait their turn. I would be EXCEPTIONALLY surprised if your child and those of your friends sit politely in a circle taking turns and playing beautifully with each other, waiting with no issue 100% of the time.

I've had two children. I went back to work very early with my first through lack of any other choice. I stayed at home with my second and they didn't attend a nursery. I can tell you very easily which of my children had the better deal and the more secure start.

😂😂😂

You are being SO, INSANELY, RIDICULOUSLY judgy and it comes across to pretty much every poster here.

You can tell yourself all you like that it's "huge for their development" to be around lots of other kids but it it's absolute nonsense.

Horses for courses, each to their own but your choice to send your kid to nursery is not superior or better for your child's development than your friend's choice to not do so. Your attitude is exceptionally arrogant.

Nursery may have some benefits (although this is debatable pre age 3 imo) but you are actually deluded if you think being in a room with lots of other little children with an adult to child ratio of 1:5 is better developmentally for any two year old than being at home with a parent who can provide 1:1 input and security.

Sorry to post twice in succession but the level of arrogance in your posts has actually really pissed me off.

You sound a bit smug having to hurry your PFB into potty training before their time because nursery dictates. Did you WANT to go back to work and leave your tiny tot in the hands of nursery workers before they could speak? MMM, no?

Maybe you are just jealous you didnt get to stay at home longer?

I’m astounded that you have written this. If the mother had posted that she was so glad that she was more able to spend more time with their DC than her working friends she would have got roasted. Her child will get potty trained and learn to sit still, but would never have been able to get that time spent together back.

Some nursery environments are good for development and some aren't. Some home environments are good for development and some aren't. Kid vary hugely in their development too. So you cannot draw any conclusions from this group. I did look into this at the time and there is no evidence of benefit from group care under the age of 3. I still sent my two year old to nursery, but that was for other reasons rather than to benefit her development.

Maybe there's a reason she doesn't take him to nursery? Never assume you know everything 😌 as he could be ND.

Also to add, I went back to work and DC went to nursery but as a ND child their behaviour was always different to his peers.

None of mine went and were all top of the class at school, early readers and all that. Better behaved and better listeners generally.
I will agree that they seemed possibly a bit less resilient though. And too attached to me.

My 3yo GD didn’t start nursery or really interact with children until September and she’s fully toilet trained and seems to be quite far ahead of the other children that started nursery with her.

It depends on the child and how the parents interact with them. We chat to her all day and involve her in the day to day running of the house, she helps to clean and prepare food, she is wonderfully polite and loves playing and joining in.

The sample size of one doesn’t really work. My little girl isn’t in nursery, has just turned 2 and has way better speech and development than her peers that are in nursery. Every child is different.

Nursery has nothing to offer children bellow the age of 3 .it may make your life easier but it doesn’t benefit the child in any way , specifically when it comes to emotional development . And I’m not saying I don’t understand the need to have children in nursery , my 2 oldest went to nursery early on as I was early in my career and couldn’t stop working . Yes they did all you described earlier than the 2 younger ones but as a whole the 2 younger ones are much more balanced and less anxious children .
As I had my last 2 in my 40s I could put their needs first and if I could tune back time I would have done the same with all of them .

Neither of mine went to nursery, both hit their milestones for walking, talking and potty training within the windows set by health visitors. At school they were both in the top half of their year groups for reading, writing and maths and both have a degree. A short play date does not give you any insight into this child's abilities and at 2yo he may well pass your child in a few months.