To think it’s obvious which children don’t attend nursery?

[Omgshesaidthat]

I met up with a group of mum friends yesterday and it just got me thinking how to me it’s so obvious when a child doesn’t go to nursery.

From the group, only one mum didn’t go back to work after her maternity leave - at the time I felt quite envious but seeing her boy compared to the rest of the group now they are all 2 has made me think that I’m not actually so sure that being at home is such a good thing.

For example he’s not potty trained yet whereas the rest of the group are well on their way or totally dry and his speech is nowhere near as good as the others - even with things like numbers & alphabet, DD is parroting it all back to me whereas this little boy isn’t yet.

We did an organised activity and all the other children in the group sat nicely & listened and then participated whereas my friend’s boy just did his own thing the whole time.

My friend is a good mum and she does take him to playgroup and sets up little activities for him at home so it’s not like he’s just sat doing nothing all day. But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home and the impact of children being in that environment and surrounded by other children is huge for their development.

YABU and I am saying that as someone whose kids were in nursery full time from 6 months.

All kids are different. Both of mine went to nursery and were hitting milestones at different times.

Seems like you’re enjoying your smugness? Don’t, baby no 2!may be completely different

Your sample size of one is not proof of anything.

are the other dc girls by any chance?

They are two
Assuming no special needs it will even out over the next few months.

It shows in different ways at different ages. Some good, some bad. It’s swings and roundabouts.

You can be confident in your parenting choices without knocking others.

That’s ridiculous.

If that were the case then no kids in childcare would have speech or developmental delays.

Going to a good nursery is good for kids but your friend’s son isn’t the way he is because he doesn’t attend. Once a child is ready to learn something then they may learn it super fast and even overtake early achievers.

You can't draw conclusions from 1 child! My 2 DC were at home until 3.5 and they both were doing well. My youngest DC had learnt to read and add 3 digit numbers by age 3, although he was later to potty train. My eldest was potty trained and holding full conversations by 2.5. Each child is different. Getting lots of 1:1 time from an engaged parent doesn't hold children back. The only issue is if the parent at home isn't engaged and paying the child much attention, which doesn't sound the case for your friend.

I know several primary teachers and they will all say the same thing. When children start reception is generally glaringly obvious which ones didn’t go to nursery, and even more so if they didn’t go to pre-school. They don’t need to go mon-Fri 9-3, a day or two, a couple of mornings, etc. But not going at all makes a clear difference.

All kids are different. Horrible to compare them tbh.
Mine never went to nursery, one was starting to read simple words by the time they turned three, another had zero interest in anything like that. I do think it’s sad that two year olds are trained to sit and listen(although as an ex nursery worker I appreciate why it is done) that is not a natural behaviour at that age,

Jesus OP, you can't compare a handful of 2 year olds.

If a toddler is slower with vocabulary for example being in a busy nursery setting isn't going to help that. It would be more helpful to have the 1:1 attention from a mum.

Lots of kids just want to charge about and not sit down to do an activity.

I think you are being very judgey.

This. And academic achievement is a marathon not a sprint. Plus academic achievement is not the be all and end all of life.

Ha! Don't be silly.

None of my children went to nursery. All of them could read before they started school, knew their numbers, could cope with the school environment, were able to do the basics of self care (going to the loo on their own, hand washing, getting changed etc).

I made sure they were school ready. (Didn’t actively teach them to read but read a lot with them and they picked it up.)

I worked in a couple of nurseries as a student and that put me off (I know lots are excellent but it only takes one member of staff who isn’t kind/dislikes a child for them to have a tough time.)

I’m not being smug, it was just an observation. I’d never share it with my friend as wouldn’t want to upset her but her son was still like a baby really compared to the others.

Yeah that one example is so representative. One of my children didn't attend nursery. Toilet trained at an appropriate age, reading and writing by the time they went to school, loved sitting with a book, happy to sit at play group with activities. I didn't need a nursery to teach my child that 😉

Edited to add academically very high achieving. Her child will get there, I wouldn't be too smug.

Hes two🙄

YABU. Loads of kids that go to nursery are not potty trained by 2. And there is a HUGE variation between vocabulary at age 2. I didn't go to nursery and was consistently at the top of my class through school.

As a Reception teacher…yes I can always tell which children didn’t go to nursery!

Exactly - there is a difference

I don’t agree.

My DS is 20 months and hasn’t gone to nursery because I’m lucky enough to be at home with him and work a part time evening job, he isn’t potty trained yet but we’re slowly introducing it but his speech, behaviour etc is fine. He goes to 2 groups a week and sits and does whatever the task is just fine.

All children do things differently, it really has nothing to do with if they go to nursery or not…

ROFL at OP's assertion that the one who doesn't go to nursery is "a baby" compared to the others!

OP - at 2 they literally are still babies! The fact that your baby has been taught how to operate in a group and follow instructions does not make her more advanced/better than one who doesn't.

Even if the nursery kids have a better ability to follow instructions when they start school, pretty quickly that difference will fade away. It's no predictor of how the future will go.....

(good luck of you have another kid btw - not all kids who follow the same path react in the same way......)

Both my children seemed to benefit enormously from going to nursery before school. They were better at sharing and waiting their turn and they seemed better at adapting to new situations and more accepting of other children.
I'm not saying that mums can't nurture the same skills at home, but being with a bigger group definitely let them practice their social skills in a different environment with larger groups
A good nursery compliments what is going on at home but also adds the dynamic of a larger group which is difficult to replicate successfully at home for a prolonged period of time.

If they were all 3.5 or closer to 4 then you might have a point (only might). Two year olds vary enormously.

Preschool is beneficial from three or even four and probably matters for how they settle into school. Hence universal government funding. Nursery from 9 months plus has no added benefits. For a two year old it shouldn't make any difference to how they settle at school.

I'm not a big fan of nursery for infants (maybe we just looked around particularly depressing ones) and we used grandparents/ childminder and then part time preschool when my oldest was 2 (but actually in hignsight would have waited until three). Have one Mum friend who is always trying to make a point of it. Her latest comment is that her DD can share better as she is in nursery (mine is at a childminder). They are 18 months FFS!

Like most 90s kids I didn't go anywhere until 3 and then it was only mornings. We were all fine.

OP you sound very judgemental. You can own your parenting decisions without critiquing others.

Thats your experience based on one child.
I’ve been a parent for over 10 years and in my experience over the years I would say the exact opposite.