To think it’s obvious which children don’t attend nursery?

[Omgshesaidthat]

I met up with a group of mum friends yesterday and it just got me thinking how to me it’s so obvious when a child doesn’t go to nursery.

From the group, only one mum didn’t go back to work after her maternity leave - at the time I felt quite envious but seeing her boy compared to the rest of the group now they are all 2 has made me think that I’m not actually so sure that being at home is such a good thing.

For example he’s not potty trained yet whereas the rest of the group are well on their way or totally dry and his speech is nowhere near as good as the others - even with things like numbers & alphabet, DD is parroting it all back to me whereas this little boy isn’t yet.

We did an organised activity and all the other children in the group sat nicely & listened and then participated whereas my friend’s boy just did his own thing the whole time.

My friend is a good mum and she does take him to playgroup and sets up little activities for him at home so it’s not like he’s just sat doing nothing all day. But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home and the impact of children being in that environment and surrounded by other children is huge for their development.

I’m sure that once children are school age you can tell which of them went to nursery/preschool and which ones didn’t have that kind of socialisation or outside input. But at 2? They’re all so different. It’s pretty normal these days for children to show no signs of readiness to potty train when they’re 2. Plenty of 2 year olds don’t want to sit down to do an activity and would rather be up and about. That’s normal and so is your kid who sits nicely and parrots words back at you.

Mine went to nursery from 6 months.
The 3 of them still needed speech therapy.
The boys weren't potty trained until they were 3

It makes me feel sad that at two kids are being institutionalised ,I love the sound of the little boy who sounds free and wild !

I’ve recently met someone who currently works at a nursery but her child goes to a childminder! And also am friends with someone who is a sahm and won’t send her kids to nursery having worked at one at some point pre-kids!

Yabu. I used to be a nursery nurse and I'm a mum of 5. My 3rd didn't go to nursery at all. The others went to either private nursery or preschool from between 2y 3m and 2y 6m.

My 3rd child who went straight into reception aged 4y 8m was the earliest to walk, talk and toilet train. He is predicted to pass all his gcse's. He passed grade 2 piano in year 7.

I think it depends on what their home life is like and some children will benefit from nursery but some won't. My eldest was very lively as a toddler and it was good for him to have a couple of days in nursery. He enjoyed his 1-1 time in the car with his dad and going to "the tesco" on the way home. His brother is disabled and it was good for my toddler to be out and having fun while I tried to make sure most of dc2 appointments were on nursery days. My youngest was bored at home once my 4th went to school so he did 3 hours at preschool every weekday morning which was more than any of my others. He had speech therapy at preschool too.

In my experience as a primary teacher, the children that struggle most are the ones who have done long nursery hours from a very young age.That said some preschool experience is good.

YABU, my child didn’t attend nursery at all until nearly 3 and was ahead in most developmental areas. All children are different, your children are still tiny!

You’re being judgmental toward a child. Come down off your high horse. I’m sure your 💩 also stinks.

And how many of these two year olds in the sample size were also girls like yours??

Christ the conditioning is strong isn’t it! You aren’t even considering that maybe the more “babyish” baby of the group is how two year old humans are supposed to be, and nobody questions that perhaps the other more “developed” ones are in fact just more institutionalised - getting nice and trained to comply and sit still ready to be fed into the capitalist machine.

We are great apes. Maybe just maybe the sign of success with raising tiny humans ISN’T to get them as compliant as possible as young as possible?

Just a thought. Jesus.

There’s loads of kids at nursery that aren’t potty trained and can’t follow instructions etc.

Children who go to nursery play better too. Put a load of children in a room together who don't know each other and it's the nursery kids who immediately confidently mix and start playing. They're totally used to mixing.

I'm sure primate youngsters all mix together in a group, they don't sit apart with one parent.⁹

Not sure judging a 2 year old is the best way to make yourself feel good about your own decision to work.
I think on the whole nursery does help to get kids to be compliant for school setting but I think you'd only really notice in the first term or two and most kids level out after that. Stay at home is great for those who can afford it as one to one time with your own child is rare and beneficial. It's crazy we all have to work so much and such small kids are in nurseries for long hours. Families have been screwed over and told it's normal to spend so little time together. Being pleased about being school ready at 2 feels awful. Is that the prize? Is that honestly the trade off for not seeing your own child for hours? Surely we can be offered more. They are 2, let them make mud pies and have fun running riot. They are toddlers! Rather the nursery would be pleased they squished paint in between their fingers all day than learnt phonics at that ages. Can imagine schools need well trained kids though due to class sizes getting bigger and T.As disappearing due to funding. Again, just awful.

You sound very judgey!

you have a sample of one!

Children definitely benefit IMO from a childcare setting prior to going to school (I.e. from 3 or so) but I’m not convinced there is any benefit before that, and I had to send both of mine to nursery from about 9 months. They were happy there but I don’t think it had any meaningful impact on their development until the latter stages. Certainly didn’t have any impact on potty training or early speech.

one of mine was speaking full sentences at 2, the other barely at all until 3 and a half. Both at nursery at 9 months.

at 3 and a half you might have a point, at 2 no way. Huge variation in development at that sort of age.

make mud pies and have fun running riot. They are toddlers! ... squished paint in between their

That's EXACTLY what nursery is all about and it's more fun with peers than with a parent.

This 100%

I wouldn’t give up the most precious years of mine and my baby daughter’s life just so that she could sit still at 2 and impress some snobby mums hellbent on comparing every tiny thing. The biggest difference between behaviour at that age is just temperament. My DD didn’t go to nursery until she was 3.5 for two days a week, and has started school fantastically. I also know a boy with a SAHP who only did 1 day a week and he could read full books before he started school. I’m sure your friend’s child will be pretty significantly different by the time he starts school, or maybe he won’t and he just happens to be developmentally delayed. Either way, it won’t be because his mum chose the most natural path known to humankind and actually spent time with her own child when he was born. I really, really hope your friend finds out what you’ve been saying about her child so she can save herself from having to deal with your toxicity in future.

The assumption is if with a parent at home then they have no peers? Of course they do, there's various stay and plays, play dates etc. possibly more variety of children and age gaps too?

Gald to read your nursery accommodates play. From earlier comments it was all about being school ready which is so appalling at 2.

Would you say one particular way is better than the other? I have four kids and when eldest were young it was rare for kids to be in nursery before 2.5 (very old) now it's from 9 months or a year. Obviously mortgages were less so you could be flexible about work/both be part time etc. with recent kids, kept them off nursery until 2.5. Loads of groups and experiences but also felt they needed small group size nursery so chose one with short hours and not many kids. Also not full time. Max three days a week. Cost a lot but doing it for less years. Small experience with mine, both girls much earlier speakers than the boys, also easy to potty train. Both boys very physical, early walkers/climbers and vocab caught up around 3/3.5, both very long to potty train. Both eldest did very well at school and uni. Little ones keen on phonics as friends doing it but not drumming it into them. Just letting them find letters on a page as I read to them and occasionally letting them blend if they are keen.
have friends who are aiming to home school and kids are super confident especially talking to adults or kids out of their age group. They been exposed to loads and have benefitted. I don't think one size fits all. I think I reacted to being school ready or the judgeyness of some posts as they are 2.

Maybe at 3/4, but not 1

They usually catch up at school. I’d love to have been off for longer with mine.

However I have heard primary teachers say you can tell which ones don’t go to nursery, and anecdotally I know a home educating Mum with four DC; the youngest is 4.5, no SEN and soils himself on a daily basis…

I have 4 kids

The only one who went to any childcare was my first. He was also the one who hit milestones later.

Now theyre all older and you wouldn't be able to tell which one went to childcare and which stayed at home with me until they went to school nursery

You can’t disguise being smug and judgemental just by saying you’re not being smug and judgemental.

I taught for over 40 years and had four children. I taught thousands of students. I’d say going to pre school is important, but nursery, not so much. Certainly any differences have evened out by the end of the first year or two at most, it’s not giving anyone a university entrance advantage. 😂

All children are different, the quality of the care makes a difference, the engagement of the parents makes a difference.

Having children who can sit in a circle and listen at 2 is nice, if for some reason they need to sit in a circle and listen, but it’s not a necessary skill at 2. Speech develops at quite different rates for some students, whether they are at home or go to nursery.

Students who go to nursery do still have issues at times.

I would say, one advantage of nursery before age 3 would be that it’s more likely for some special needs to be noticed and investigated so that families can take advantage of early intervention strategies.

As others have said, it can only be assumed that this is your first child, you adore them, that’s normal. Feeling good about your own choices, that’s great. Judging your friend and her two year old for still acting ‘like a baby’, awful behaviour on your part!

All of my kids went to nursery because I needed to work and I wanted to work. They had quality nursery workers and a quality home life, but not going to nursery would not have disadvantaged them.

As a teacher, I agree. But most of them catch up soon enough.

In nursery you can see which kids have come through the rooms in comparison to kids who start at their 2nd or usually their 3rd birthday when funded hours kick in. Simple things like being able to do their own shoes / jacket and know to give space / share.

YABU. All kids are different. My DS went to nursery and was barely talking at 2 and still in nappies at 3. You’re generalising. It’s not nice to compare kids, and it’s not nice to have such a superior attitude.

I worked in education for 20 years, including running a nursery, and I firmly believe that the quality of a child's early relationships and experiences matters far more than whether they attended nursery.

I've seen a decline in school readiness over the years, and I believe the amount of quality interaction with adults, excessive screen time and, in some cases, the quality of early years provision are all factors worth considering.

There are some excellent nurseries, but attending nursery is no guarantee of a better start, just as not attending nursery is no disadvantage in itself.

I never went to nursery. Both my parents worked full time, and I was cared for by my grandparents. I started school at four already able to read and write, and went on to gain degrees and postgraduate qualifications.

I'm not suggesting my experience is representative of every child. I'm simply pointing out that there is no single route to a successful start in education, and that the quality of care, interaction and support children receive matters much more than whether they went to nursery.