Partner on a business trip and he texted me this...

[GreatPlumBiscuit]

My partner left for a business trip earlier on today. He knows I'm really struggling at the moment. I've been looking for a job to no avail since January, and I'm feeling pretty shit about myself.

He texted me when he arrived in the country he was going to, that he'd arrived, and that, I quote, 'Im here and the women here are really hot 😍'

Am I being unreasonable to tell him he's being an absolute unfeeling cock. Am I being unreasonable that I told him him that he's really pissed me off and that if they're that hot, he can just go fuck them and fuck himself and fuck off?

His response was: It was a fucking joke, I’m sorry and when the fuck have I ever tried to make you feel insecure or done anything other than try to build you up. You fuck off.

Try telling him you're in a club and the men are really hot 😍. Maybe he'll realise how stupid it is to send that to your partner.

That could backfire as he can say see, we can say this and it's fine. On the other hand, it could go really well when he kicks off and you finally see what a controlling twat he is and leave.

For those saying he probably meant to send the text to a male colleague/mate does that make it okay? It’s a grim text.

I feel like he does this every now and again to make me feel a bit insecure, he's always done it,

Get rid.

What you wrote is clearly AI.

Op, when you get a minute, look up 'permanent level of tolerable unhappiness'. I hope you can free yourself from this misbegotten git.

I think you could have done it in a light hearted way. Like "oi what about your hot wife at home....you dirty dog"... it might have just jolted him into realising he had hurt you.
Men just don't think like we do.
On the other hand I point gorgeous women out to my husband at times. And he looks at me like I'm insane.

Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to shag one of these women (or a prostitute) and blame you.

What a prick. I wouldnt find that funny at all.
Abusive men often do this and call everything abusive a "joke". Or accuse you of being hormonal or mentally ill.
Id dump him if I was you.

No, you weren't wrong.
He's horrible.

Urgh my dh has done this. He forgets im his wife and not one of his mates.

I usually reply. 'Grim, im your wife and not your mate'

I think your reply was a little ott and he replied like wise. Id leave it until your both calmer. Apologise for language but stand by that his comment hurt.

I personally wouldn’t have used the F word but that’s more because I rarely swear, which is a personal choice - nothing against others doing it, but I don’t see her reply as being OTT.

Honestly I think that’s pathetic and utterly disrespectful of your husband to “forget” you’re his wife.

By the sounds of it has happened more than once , so evidently your response didn’t shut it down sufficiently.

Yep, Classic DARVO. The abusers focus on your response and pick apart your tone or choice of words, to deflect from their own actions.

I’d take the opportunity of him being away to pack his bags for him he sounds awful!

I'm sorry that you didn't appreciate my writing style. Wholeheartedly. Am I being given a detention or is it just lines?

No it’s not that I did or did not appreciate it.

It was just clearly AI.

Thanks all.
I've not heard anything from him since that exchange.
I told him he'd upset me, why would he text that to me, and that he's a knob. He knows my ex-husband cheated on me, and he knows I'm struggling with unemployment at the moment. He knows that I'm feeling low, so my libido is taking a bit of a hit as I'm not feeling great about myself. I just don't understand why he would send me something like that and say it's a joke? Now I feel sad at home while he's on this amazing business trip, and he's giving me the silent treatment, which he often does when I call him out. Sigh. Just can't be arsed with this.

I think you’ve correctly identified why he does this so you already know. It is to make you insecure.

Even if you look at the words he used it was basically him inadvertently admitting to what he was doing by vociferously denying it.

He knows what he is doing.

The silent treatment is abuse. It sounds like it's over, anyway, rightly so.
If a boyfriend told me to fuck off I would happily do so.

Did he try to start an arguement so he can fuck around? Is he that type of arsehole who could now justify it in his mind because ‘well she already thinks I’m doing it’

I just don't know what his intentions were, apart from to make me feel insecure.

He said 'Arrived in (the country he's in)
The women here are HOT
😍

I responded by saying, "Well, you married one, so you'd know," because his ex-wife is from the same country that he's now in.

I then just got really upset and really cross and lost my shit a bit all via text message.

He knows my ex-husband cheated on me in the most terrible way, so it just feels even more cruel. I have made a concerted decision to not let what my ex-husband did to me affect my current relationship. I have decided to trust my partner and always give him a kiss and a wave, and to have a good time, darling, even when he's mixing with loads of super successful, attractive women at the events that he goes to.

Maybe he wants me to be jealous and sad when he goes away. Maybe I'm too laid-back, and he needs more of a reaction? I don't know, but this really isn't good.

He has told you to fuck off, and ended contact, the relationship is over, which seems like an excellent thing.

No, you weren't! It was a most peculiar thing for him to say to you. It sounds as if he got you mixed up with one of his mates from the pub.
Your choice of language let you down, though. Ime, it's best to be cold when you are angry, that's far more effective!

Well this is why he’s done it. He’s punishing you and making you feel bad for not having sex with him which quite frankly is disgusting and this isn’t the actions of someone who respects you.