To think parenting high energy little boys is a different type of parenting?

[iwonderificould]

DS is now nearly six and I have to say I love parenting him now although he can still be quite hard work, but he’s got bags of energy, fearless, independent and fun to be around.

But thinking back to when he was a toddler … it was really hard work and not very enjoyable. He didn’t really play with toys in any meaningful way but could create chaos in seconds. One of his favourite things to do was to pull books off the bookcase and throw them across the room, or empty the cats water bowl. He was just a mini wrecking ball of energy and mischief. He didn’t even watch TV so I didn’t have that option.

We ended up out a LOT as a result. I remember my friends from the NCT group (all with girls!) commenting on it. If there was a group, we were there, we did soft play, parks, all sorts, I had so many passive aggressive sort of comments about it.

Three years later I had my second child and I understood that actually you don’t have to be out all the time. DH and I waited for her to destroy the house (sort of toddler part 2) but it didn’t happen and still hasn’t. I can stay in and do puzzles and playing.

There wasn’t and isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with ds; the opposite but I do find even now that energy needs burning. So when I read on here things like ‘when do they get time to chill / I loved staying home doing crafts and playing with mine / oh a long bath is all they need’ I realise some of us with children with bags of energy … we are doing a very different parenting journey!

I suggest using reins if you aren't then there is no worry.

Oh, undoubtedly. I think most children present their own set of challenges and like I said in a PP I do think a lot of people tend to romanticise how hard the preschool era is.

We’re all on different journeys. People with a lot of support around them are on a different journey, as are those with just one child. Not suggesting they are necessarily easier automatically as they come with their own sets of challenges, but they are different.

I'm still breastfeeding my nearly 18mo, primarily because it's the only way I get to sit down for 5 minutes! We're already on first name terms with the doctors at minor injuries. Winter is easier than summer because we can wrap up, but the heatwave was horrible. Our local swimming pool doesn't have much shade so even that wasn't an option in the afternoon. I'm quite high energy, but both DH & I are cautious people so the lack of fear was a shock. There's plenty of ND family members, so I'm wondering, but don't want to start imagining things.

Having read some of the PPS, I'm so glad ours goes to nursery 3 days per week. He's in a 0-3 group so can chase the bigger kids, although I suspect he finds the play equipment a bit tame. He could climb the 3m climbing frame at the park before he could walk and gave me a lot of grey hairs in the process. Trying to entertain him myself all day everyday would be a nightmare. He'd go mental at a 1-2 toddler group. The nursery isn't English either, so it gives his brain a good workout.

This is such an annoying statement. " Girl Mums" if you want to call us that have our own issues that we have to deal with that you may never understand or experience if you have only boys.

Why does everything have to be so divisive?

I voted YABU as its not a boy/girl thing. Its a high energy kid thing. I have 2 of each and all boisterous. My sibling has one of each, both quiet.

So what is the actual point of your post, then?

If you agree that ALL children present challenges why would you frame this as mums of girls not "understanding" your journey blah blah.

It feels like another bashing thread for mothers of girls.

We parent the children that we are blessed to have been given. A woman cannot choose whether she has a boy or a girl.

If you feel judged - find new friends.

If you feel you want to change some behaviours in your child - ask for advice on that specific matter.

We are all literally trying to do our very best for our children. Your attitude is so annoying.

I have 2 of each, now teens, and recognise those things from all 4 of my children. There are some physical differences, more from about age 5 onward, but nothing as dramatic as what people make out.

That you dont have that much experience to be making sweeping statements.

I voted YABU as this is not a boy / girl thing ime.

This is not a boy girl thing and that's extremely annoying to hear. My DD had unbelievable energy and I never knew a boy like her. It's slightly more channeled now age 7 in that we are past the total destruction phase at least. What makes it harder though is that boys would get away with behaviour that she would be critiqued for and that has added a complex layer of psychological challenges. F the patriarchy.

And I wonder how many parents had similar
children. Couldn’t handle them and/or decided their behaviour wasn’t “normal”,
and had them diagnosed with ADHD as a result?

Agree.

My first two, both boys were pretty chill and played with each other. I could take them everywhere and they would sit quietly in the baby/toddler years. Youngest, toddler girl is a cling film, ball of energy, walking and running by 10 mo, climbing before then. Have to step out of middle’s school activities or stay at the very back because she wouldn’t sit still and wanted to run around even when I brought books and colouring books. It was a new place for her to explore. Refused naps by which meant no nap or break for me until after bed time which she fights so by time I got her to sleep, I had fallen to sleep. Saying that, she is much more advanced than her brothers were at the same age in everything at newly 3. Middle and her play together despite there being a 6 year age difference. I think she thinks she and him are the same age and she’s apprehensive around children smaller than her even though she’s small herself (wears 12 mo clothes).

She’s calmed a little but I’m so happy I finally got her in nursery (took 10 months!) so I can finally work (self-employed) and have a moment without being on alert and/or her attached to me.

Having a high energy child is exhausting regardless of gender.

I have 2 boys and we were outdoors a lot, and they did loads of after-school activities (Scouts, football, swimming, climbing etc.).

I was full of beans myself as a child , outside on my roller skates when I wasn't at a dancing or martial-arts class. Their father is doing a physical activity every opportunity he gets.

I did know people with sons were were less energetic, so I think it's probably a personality/upbringing thing rather than a boy/girl thing.

It's a positive and it just needs to be channeled. My sons are now 22 and 20 and still both very active most days with hobbies and sports.

I was on one of those the other day - thing is I did have boundaries and consquences we were consider on more sticter side with parenting and we were some what lucky in that they could be tired out.

I even mentioned the ADHD diagnosis that have come through now - and I was being castiagted for going out and keeping them busy - running of their energy which did work for us.

I should have let them be bored - I thought you just have no idea how creatively destuctive they could be even in short periods of time.

We thought it was normal and just managed it - though ADHD is very common in our wider families - it's DD1 and DS at uni who've sought diagonaiss them selves with other things as well and turn out they have it.

@FloorWipesit may be annoying to hear, but your anecdote of your energetic girl does not negate the data backing up the proposition that boys are more likely to be like this than girls.

I can’t understand why that’s such a controversial thing to say.

The girls make up for it when they get to be teenagers! Lovely as children, but nightmares as adolescents!

I've explained why in the post.

Because the erroneous belief that girls don't behave this way negatively affects how people respond to the behaviour. Society believes that "boys will be boys" but that girls must behave properly, meaning that the many, many girls who display this adventurous energy get a lot of negative feedback from a young age, causing psychological damage.

There could still be residual differences on average in how boys and girls behave that aren't accounted for by the "nurture" influence of society, that's fine, but using these average differences to perpetuate sweeping beliefs about the behaviour of individuals is somewhere on the spectrum of silly to harmful.

I hope that clarifies for you.

God yes. ‘It’s good for them to be bored.’ Maybe it is mate but not for my no claims bonus!

There’s a big difference between what I think is right (and which research supports) - ie that boys are more likely to display really high levels of energy than girls on average and saying “girls do not behave this way at all”. I never claimed the latter, but the former is uncontroversial.

I also do not believe the phenomenon of girls getting negative feedback as a result of this behaviour, with boys being much less likely to, is anywhere near as much of a thing as many posters on this thread are making out.

Hope that clarifies for you.