To think parenting high energy little boys is a different type of parenting?

[iwonderificould]

DS is now nearly six and I have to say I love parenting him now although he can still be quite hard work, but he’s got bags of energy, fearless, independent and fun to be around.

But thinking back to when he was a toddler … it was really hard work and not very enjoyable. He didn’t really play with toys in any meaningful way but could create chaos in seconds. One of his favourite things to do was to pull books off the bookcase and throw them across the room, or empty the cats water bowl. He was just a mini wrecking ball of energy and mischief. He didn’t even watch TV so I didn’t have that option.

We ended up out a LOT as a result. I remember my friends from the NCT group (all with girls!) commenting on it. If there was a group, we were there, we did soft play, parks, all sorts, I had so many passive aggressive sort of comments about it.

Three years later I had my second child and I understood that actually you don’t have to be out all the time. DH and I waited for her to destroy the house (sort of toddler part 2) but it didn’t happen and still hasn’t. I can stay in and do puzzles and playing.

There wasn’t and isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with ds; the opposite but I do find even now that energy needs burning. So when I read on here things like ‘when do they get time to chill / I loved staying home doing crafts and playing with mine / oh a long bath is all they need’ I realise some of us with children with bags of energy … we are doing a very different parenting journey!

I have two boys and neither of them were like this as toddlers. Both would play contentedly. One really didn't like mess, but neither of them was prone to chucking stuff about. I have a niece who was very high energy, into everything and constantly making a mess. I don't think it's a boy/girl thing - it's just your luck!

Yes! My DS was (and still is, but he’s improved massively now he’s 11) just a ball of energy!

He now does competitive swimming training which seems to help tire him out, but he really needs to be outside every day. He can’t even watch the tv sitting still.

My DD is younger and is much more chilled. Of course she still likes to run about and do physical stuff, but she is just a lot less wild. My toddler nephew is much calmer too compared to his big cousin!

😂 I feel heard here. I had two boys 2 years apart and lived in a state of perpetual chaos! We had a little girl when my eldest was six so bigger age gap and out of the toddler trenches and she is much more chill- saying that though she is the only child of mine who would sit down and draw she is obsessed with scribbling on anything inappropriate (walls, bills, floors, the cat…) and both boys have since been diagnosed with ADHD to no one’s surprise.

My ds was much calmer and quieter than both of my 2 dd’s! So i dont think its a girl/boy thing

I so needed to read this! My third child is exactly like this and its exhausting! He wants to be out all the time. Mine is still a toddler.. I wonder how we'll manage the high energy as he gets older and whether he will eventually calm down a bit! 😅

Plenty of high energy girls out there including mine. The main difference I see is that parents are more likely to step in and tell their daughters not to hit etc and teach them how to control their emotions. Parents of boys often ignore it or constantly excuse it, so as the “girl mum” I’m suddenly responsible for disciplining someone else’s child when they hit/push etc my daughter.

My daughter ends up with the message that girls must be responsible for their actions, but they should turn the other cheek to male violence. Sounds like that’s probably the message you’ve given your son too OP.

Aah, waiting for 1st parents evening, expecting a similar report.

I feel your pain, Mr4 is known as the duracell bunny here, though he also has very big feelings and is highly sensitive too.

Finding the FB pages for highly sensitive, spirited kids helped my sanity..

My two DDs were fucking feral 😂 There’s only 18 months between them and they egged one another on. I used to be exhausted watching them … they’re 18 & 16 now and sleep so much. It’s bliss!

I think there is a more likelihood for boys to be like this, I think there are a small percentage of children like this and they are more likely to be boys but not always. I certainly wouldn't dismiss it as a boy v girl thing though because it's about personality. In fact I suspect it's harder to manage with a girl because there are different expectations from people and maybe more likely people presume it's parenting rather than innate..which is silly really because you can't parent a child into being wild. I work with little children and only a small number fall into this high energy bracket, many parents of regular kids think their kids have high energy but I think they have no idea how extreme that can be for others. It's virtually impossible to discipline or manage a child like this and it's about being inventive about occupying them and using the energy up. Exhausting for a parent on a totally different level to regular toddler parenting. Thankfully it's a short enough phase and they usually learn to manage themselves and regulate themselves between 3 and 4, that's when parenting really comes into it.

This was going to be my point- I’ve taught for 32 years and have 2 very different girls. I used to thank God I didn’t have a boy when they were little, I had so many friends who could not contain their son’s energy! As an ardent feminist, I did not believe the sexes were so different but generally boys are more reckless and physical when they’re young. My youngest was always up a tree or on a skateboard and not conventionally ‘girly’ but she was also mature, something lots of boys lack. Everything changes in adolescence though; most older teenage boys are quite calm compared to the girls. Of course it’s not a rule and I do also believe that rowdiness in young boys is acceptable in a way it isn’t for girls.
I have friends whose boys were placid and thoughtful (my brother was and is) and whose girls are lively but in my experience over many years, there are general inherent biological differences. I think girl Mums face the challenges after about age 9. Year 7-9 girls can be the hardest!

So many people know to say "Its not a boy/girl thing!!!" - because it isn't acceptable to admit that boys and girls (on average) are different at that age.

Exceptions don't disprove average differences, and there are significant average differences between boys and girls.

" Large multi-country databases show that boys log roughly 20% more total movement and about 38% more moderate-to-vigorous physical activity (such as running, climbing, and vigorous play) than girls"

A quick search for the academic evidence and research around sex and childhood will tell you that it is (on average) a boy/girl thing. That doesn't mean that every boy is like it, or every girl.. but over the whole population, more mums of boys will have to deal with containing energy and the need for excessive physical exercise in a way that mums of girls will generally not have to worry about.

(Exceptions don't disprove this, in the same way that "well, some women commit sexually assault" doesn't mean that sexual assault isn't a vastly overwhelmingly male problem. Exceptions exist, but they don't make averages meaningless)

It is very much a boy/girl thing. You can have quiet boys and very active girls, but the most active kids are far more likely to be boys.

My DD2 sounds exactly like your son. She is the child equivalent of a border collie 🙃

Aren't all pur children different so I assume we all parent in an individual way so why the need for definition it is not a competition

This kind of sexism is so tiresome. No, pre-pubescent boys do not have more energy than pre-pubescent girls, they are pretty much the same before the hormones kick in. Society has different expectations from them though which is incredibly dangerous. My DD was fairly wild and my DS much less so. They were both subjected to relentless sexist comments from other parents though.

We only have girls (always been given twice daily blasts of fresh air and exercise but they've never had problematic excess energy). I know people whose boys are chilled like my girls are but also know parents of (mostly) boys whose children are on the go, non-stop, and highly physical - one said if the girl had come first they'd have been at the doctor's with the boy trying to find out what was wrong😅
From my calm place I can say that isn't variety wonderful. It looks exhausting but good fun! Good luck 😆

This is the only thread on MN I’ve ever seen where people are falling over themselves to describe their children as feral and wild and so on. Normally it is where are your boundaries / what are the consequences / good for children to be bored.

I've got 2 boys,2 girls.First son very quiet,always has been now in his 40s. Second,always in trouble at school, oldest daughter, same, Second daughter paragon of virtue at school hard work at home from the word go. Worst thing she did....we were just going shopping, she was 3/4 luckily I went into the kitchen, she's climbed up on the worktop, turned the taps on,,plug in, water is pouring out,all over the kitchen floor,I swept it outside,it was February and it froze instantly! Our kids at their ages,didn't have phones,screens, or watch much tv. I wouldn't expect a young child to just sit there.

@iwonderificould I hear you. I had 2 boys - one year apart - and both high energy (and didn't like sports - though we did try!) and it was non-stop.

Baby groups/toddler groups I went to despite DS1 always running off and hiding or up to something..

Then had my DD 4 years later. Completely different type of baby and toddler. I'm not going to lie - it was a heck of a lot easier. Maybe cause there was only one of her?

They are all great as grown people but yeah - I get it.

I stay away from those threads 🫠😅

My 2 year old is absolutely bonkers. She's the size of a 4 year old and has endless energy. Refuses to sit in the pram for the entire day and won't have a nap even after 6 hours of playing in the park. It's absolutely ridiculous and exhausting. She will still want to walk home after a whole day out and if she naps it's usually 20 mins. She has 0 sense of danger which is really scary and likes to climb on the biggest/most challenging equipment in the parks that my 6 year old has only just gained confidence with. She never stops moving unless she's asleep.

This is very true! Or "mine would have loved that but I never allowed it". I used to pore over them desperately for what these magic "consequences" were that would stop the madness. Usually when pressed it was something like "I asked them in my firm voice and after the second time they knew and never did it again"

I have one of those kids too, OP. Suspected ADHD. Few people will ever understand how absolutely constant it was for about 5 years, couldnt take eyes off him for a second. Quite literally. Multiple trips to a&e, many things destroyed. Deconstruction a favourite activity. Absolutely love him, but he's utterly exhausting.

My second, the opposite. Actually asked to stay home when his brother started school, after being used to the endless days out filled with being active. Will read/puzzle/activity book for hours. If they were both like him maybe I too would be smug about my parenting!

I do think overall there is a difference in how physical small boys are, even if girls are also very energetic, loud and always on the go. I have two sons and am smiling identifying with so many posts on this thread - the having to be out every day, the never seeming to get tired, the dread of a rainy day with toddlers, the being first in through the gates at National Trust properties, the child who asks questions and doesn't wait for you to answer the first one before asking another😂

My two were similar in many ways - bags of energy, never stopped talking, poor sleepers, very physical, etc. Eldest has ADHD and his behaviour could be quite challenging and I spent so much time aware of how 'naughty' people were probably perceiving him to be often due to what I now know as sensory seeking behaviour - constantly jumping around, hitting things with sticks and throwing objects, going 'loopy' in certain situations. It was stressful and it was only when observing relatives' kids at length that I realised I did have a really different experience to lots of parents. Younger DS less like this but still always on the go, never stops talking, was a bolter as a toddler. They are more chilled now they're older but as with many others, very active and do lots of sports.

My observation from relatives is that I have one niece and one nephew who are very similar - full on, active, never stop talking etc. - other nieces and nephews are much quieter and placid. With DS2's friends I notice the girls are often just as loud but generally less physical. I think sometimes activity manifests differently. I was a bit of a stereotypical 'reading and colouring' girl in many ways but recognise now I had a very busy brain and was also a poor sleeper etc.

High energy children are full on! The boy/ girl comparison is annoying because it suggest girl mums have things easier because of course girls just craft and colour all day. Parents of high energy girls are probably judged more because so many people seem to think girls just sit quietly, so a wild tearaway girl must be badly behaved and parents must be doing something wrong!

I was going to say he sounds like my four year old autistic son. 😂