To think parenting high energy little boys is a different type of parenting?

[iwonderificould]

DS is now nearly six and I have to say I love parenting him now although he can still be quite hard work, but he’s got bags of energy, fearless, independent and fun to be around.

But thinking back to when he was a toddler … it was really hard work and not very enjoyable. He didn’t really play with toys in any meaningful way but could create chaos in seconds. One of his favourite things to do was to pull books off the bookcase and throw them across the room, or empty the cats water bowl. He was just a mini wrecking ball of energy and mischief. He didn’t even watch TV so I didn’t have that option.

We ended up out a LOT as a result. I remember my friends from the NCT group (all with girls!) commenting on it. If there was a group, we were there, we did soft play, parks, all sorts, I had so many passive aggressive sort of comments about it.

Three years later I had my second child and I understood that actually you don’t have to be out all the time. DH and I waited for her to destroy the house (sort of toddler part 2) but it didn’t happen and still hasn’t. I can stay in and do puzzles and playing.

There wasn’t and isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with ds; the opposite but I do find even now that energy needs burning. So when I read on here things like ‘when do they get time to chill / I loved staying home doing crafts and playing with mine / oh a long bath is all they need’ I realise some of us with children with bags of energy … we are doing a very different parenting journey!

It’s not a boy / girl issue imo. I have 2 of the same sex and one has hyper activity (adhd) and the other doesn’t. Absolutely different kettle of fish.
The one without is a total pleasure to have around and contains themselves and plays really nicely wherever we go. The other one is difficult, while being a nice child, everything is much harder. Having the non-hyper one on their own for the day is like a mini holiday in comparison to a regular day.

No, girls can be just as high, or higher, energy. And some boys are lovely and calm. There do seem to be some judgmental people who say really awful things about even young boys (smelly, lazy, noisy, messy) and these same people probably moan about men in general, and wonder why they, and fair-minded women, get fed up. These people sometimes, but not always, would tell their child off for racist remarks, but let sexist ones fly.
And there are some that use the "boys will be boys" to excuse little Jasper booting someone over the head (they'll say "she's so spirited" if their daughter does it).

Ds is 7 and has ADHD , he's never randomly stripped books off a shelf or tipped the cats' water over. He does need and want regular physical exercise though

I had a very high energy (ADHD), loud, extrovert DD who barely slept, and then a very placid, quiet, introvert DS who slept loads. They are young adults now but still pretty much have the same personalities they were born with.

To add, one of mine was high energy but neither of them were destructive, thankfully.

I know a bonkers girl.
My DD was pretty chilled as a toddler/preschooler but she has made up for it in her tweens and teens. My previously very hyperactive boy is now a very chill teen who can entertain himself. DD is always bored if she's not occupied and expects me to be her entertainment when her friends aren't available.

I don’t think it’s a boy/girl thing either. I have a 2 and a half year old boy and while we do go out a lot he’s equally happy playing at home without particularly ransacking the place.

My boy and girl are definitely different in quite stereotypical ways but the type of chaotic risk assessing hell raising you describe is definitely not just a boy thing. My girl can't be trusted around anything for even a second or she'll wreck it. Sooo naughty (in a super innocent adorable way). My son has never been like that, even though he's always been a lot rougher and more high energy. He's always played with toys and never really dismantled a room in the way my daughter does.

YABU to try and segregate into boy mum vs girl mum. It's tedious.
Some girls like to colour and craft
Some like to bring chaos. Same as some boys.
I treat my DD like a dog, in the sense she needs one walk a day minimum. I also know boy mums who can sit and paint their nails whilst their DS watches a movie or builds lego.
All kids are different, it's not gender dictated.

Wouldn’t it be more accurate to say that the parents of these children will never understand what it’s like to parent those children? Given that humans are all unique and individual, including children. I’m assuming you don’t think that your children are the same as all other children of the same sex!

Some of it is due to temperament and some of it is due to parenting, but none of it is due to their genitals.

There are girls who are high energy and boys who are more placid, but there’s does tend to be more high energy boys. This is not a controversial thing to say. And it’s not an excuse - high energy children need boundaries (probably more so)

and OP yes I spent a lot of time outside when DS was young!

What about if you have both? 🙄

@iwonderificould this is making me think of the 'I never shout at my children thread'.

To he fair, if I only had my daughter perhaps I'd be able to say that but as I also have boys, I definitely shout!

I have a placid boy and an absolute crazy girl with another girl who is more towards the placid side but still not as placid as her brother.

I’ve known girls like this. But in my limited experience it is more of a “boy trait” to be need to be exercised. I used to say dd was like a Labrador puppy.

I used to take him age 2 to 3 on the school run with dd - it was a three mile round trip, twice a day. He’d do the entire trip on his balance bike, it didn’t wear him out. He would come home and jump all over the sofas like it was his personal soft play.

By the time he was 7 he was doing 25km bike rides with his dad at the weekends. I would often have to take him to school on our bikes “the long way” just to wear him out enough that he’d be able to concentrate on lessons! Wintery wet weather when we couldn’t cycle made things difficult!

Now he does judo and tae kwondo clubs, as well as cyclocross and MTB with his dad. He does three other sports at school during the week and cycles to school every day that weather permits.

This is just about enough activity to keep him on an even keel. Any less and he really struggles.

I have two girls and a boy.

DD1(now 12) and DS3(now 2.5) were/are super chilled and will play nicely with things, colour, do puzzles, read books…

DD2(now 6) was an absolute whirlwind toddler. She had no sense of danger and just launched herself about all the time. She’s mellowed now but still has a lot of energy.

If you have a high energy child, parenting is just different. It’s nothing to do with being a boy/girl though. I definitely became a better parent because of DD2 because I really had to think about it. DD1 lulled us into thinking we’d perfected parenting with minimal effort. 🤦‍♀️

Yes all children are different and some need more activity than others but please can we not make it a girls v boys thing!
My eldest DD was way more energetic than my second and she really did need a good run every day

My 3yo daughter is like a Catherine wheel with pigtails at all times 🙈

I was chatting to another mum at the park today with an equally wild girl who felt boys are calmer and more placid based on her sample of 2.

I don't believe sex has an influence on temperate but I am SO tired all the time and often wonder what it would be like to parent a quiet and still child 😅 I wouldn't swap my firecracker for the world though.

Yeah. It’s a completely different ball game. People’ll claim it’s not a boy/girl thing, offering anecdata of their high energy girls, but little boys are much, much more likely to be like this.

I don’t like boy mum and girl mum either, especially given I have both. And I do know plenty of chilled boys but all the nutters I know (said with affection!) are boys. Although that is probably because ds attracts them and they him, like magnets.

What I do imagine is hard is if your first is a chilled soul and no2 is the wild child.

I've got 4 kids. My youngest is the only one who's like this. He literally trashes the house. We've had to move all our herbs and spices (about 100 jars) on a higher shelf in the pantry as he likes to empty them. He's emptied most of my perfumes that can be unscrewed. Just last night he broke my salad spinner inner basket. He's only 20 months old bless him

Yes, I hear this.

’He’ll be so tired when he starts school,’ they said.

He was not!

I think some parents treat their sons differently from their daughters which can be misinterpreted as a sex based difference between the children

It certainly is a boy/girl thing.