To think parenting high energy little boys is a different type of parenting?

[iwonderificould]

DS is now nearly six and I have to say I love parenting him now although he can still be quite hard work, but he’s got bags of energy, fearless, independent and fun to be around.

But thinking back to when he was a toddler … it was really hard work and not very enjoyable. He didn’t really play with toys in any meaningful way but could create chaos in seconds. One of his favourite things to do was to pull books off the bookcase and throw them across the room, or empty the cats water bowl. He was just a mini wrecking ball of energy and mischief. He didn’t even watch TV so I didn’t have that option.

We ended up out a LOT as a result. I remember my friends from the NCT group (all with girls!) commenting on it. If there was a group, we were there, we did soft play, parks, all sorts, I had so many passive aggressive sort of comments about it.

Three years later I had my second child and I understood that actually you don’t have to be out all the time. DH and I waited for her to destroy the house (sort of toddler part 2) but it didn’t happen and still hasn’t. I can stay in and do puzzles and playing.

There wasn’t and isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with ds; the opposite but I do find even now that energy needs burning. So when I read on here things like ‘when do they get time to chill / I loved staying home doing crafts and playing with mine / oh a long bath is all they need’ I realise some of us with children with bags of energy … we are doing a very different parenting journey!

Ds never flaked out at home. I definitely found him much harder work as a toddler: just absolutely hellbent on destroying things!

I have wondered about ADHD but he sleeps well and he can sit for eg theatre performances and storytelling sessions.

What do you mean by “girls have a different energy”

how? How do you know it’s down to sex and not one of the million other variables- parenting, birth order, reactions to adults other than their parents?

boys bring chaos- maybe you have less strict rules than your sister so her kids learn not to be so chaotic. You don’t live with them, you’re only seeing public snapshots.

I hate the Labrador analogy. It completely discounts boys emotional needs for one. Oh just exercise, feed and sleep and they’re happy.

it’s like the “girls are bitchy” stereotypes. The only bitchy girls I’ve known have “queen bee” type bitchy mums. They learn that behaviour somewhere…

I have 2 girls my eldest used to happily sit and colour in. My second she is 2 and from the minute she gets up is a ball of energy she can’t stay in.

Hahaha, I have 2 girls and my second is craaaazy 😂Tries to climb windows, stroke wasps, etc. etc. I have to wear my two out pretty constantly, so I do empathise!

OP I had one of those and one chilled out one.

The high energy one - I honestly didn't sit down for years, it's impossible if you haven't had a child like that to explain how mad it is, very lonely as you are constantly chasing them round the perimeter of the park or standing in a national trust acreage in january in the freezing rain - never have puddle suits got so much use. I knew every toddler space and play area for miles, we just had to rotate through them constantly - mums n tots in the morning, a snack in a cafe while I had a cuppa, then out out out no matter what the weather. Even as an immobile baby (for the 5.5 months before they started wriggling everywhere) they preferred being out looking at stuff from the pram, and as soon as they could move routinely unpacked every cupboard and shelf. I had every babyproofing tool invented, toilets had to be locked shut, heavy items stored away from floor level. Unsurprisingly I lost all the baby weight quite fast!

Not much use to you yet but as they got older, sport was indeed a blessing and they are brilliant at lots of different kinds of it.

Ha one of my tricks for 5 mins and a cup of tea was to let her get on with emptying my pan cupboard 🤣

I moved everything down there that was safe and let her get on with throwing it all out on to the floor 🤣

I do think it’s a boy girl thing. My boys were like digs. They needed to feed sleep and run around or they were feral. DD was much calmer and happy pottering

Totally agree with this.

One of my dd's was like this. Used to run off all the time when the other girls were walking nicely holding hands. Threw DVDs all on the floor laughing, would get told off, would do it all again two minutes later. Managed to cover 26 surfaces with a black permanent marker in a two minute interlude whilst I was changing her brother's nappy. Ditto the TV with Sudocream.

It was a bit mortifying. She's turned out a lovely teen and adult though, it was just excessive energy as a child. Used to take her for a run in the park daily like a dog which helped a bit.

Apparently the sleep issues were a big sign of ADHD.

The story and other things they could sit still for - though did try and help them succeed with that with exercise and time outside before it being needed. My DC not partciaurlys sporty - dsypraxia also present but walking, dance and swiming but not competitively and time outside were important.

I did know few other families with boys and one girl who were not diagonsed with anything but were full on and yes were often channeled into sports as they got older.

and once they are in sport they have training with coaches! Luckily another sport ratcheted up as footy ended so ds still has 7 sessions of sport a week outside school if you include swimming, and he can bounce and shoot non stop at home. In our spare time we take him running and at the beach we enrol them in nippers, the junior surf lifesaving training program.

8, I forgot one.

It's a personality thing.

My boy is very calm. He loves nothing more than to sit down with a good book, do a puzzle, draw etc he is very nearly 4.

My 2 year old girl? She is wild. She started walking at 9 months and hasn't stopped since. She is insanely physical, in to everything, throws books and anything else she can get her hands on. She loves to run, run and run some more.

She has a twin sister who is also on the calmer side, though not as calm as my boy.

YANBU- fostered both, boys are in a league of their own. Have to be out every day or no house left! Also making sure they don’t get overtired with activity- or no house left. Up early and busy- or no house left!
But honestly, terrific fun

As I write this on my sons 3rd birthday I completely agree. The last 3 years have been a whirlwind. I never expected to have such a high energy child. Just before he turned 2, I started getting the most horrible, cruel comments from people. So much so I stopped going out and taking him anywhere. He is just extremely fast, he means no harm by it. That is his natural body movement, and people found that to be a negative trait.
My eldest daughter who is now 9 was the same, but perhaps because she was a girl people were not so harsh. Now that he is 3 and will be starting nursery soon, I feel like we are turning a corner. But it has been bleak and very lonely at times. The only thing that got me through was looking at my daughter and seeing that she bared no resemblance to what she was like as a toddler, and I knew one day I would feel that way about my son. I already see him calming down lots as to what he was like a year ago. He still needs to wear a harness when we go out or he just escapes and runs.
It is lonely having a toddler that doesn't fit into what society agrees is acceptable. At times I have been so low, but just couldn't face taking him out to be verbally abused by strangers and aquantices for something beyond my control.

My girl is more likely to want to play football all day long than playing with barbies. I have an idea.

Try having an autistic boy who loves to wreck the house. 100% worse.

Is he doing any sport? If not do so. My girl was very high energy and needed an outlet. We also used reins on her until she started school. She still has loads of energy.

Totally not a boy /girl thing.
Ds was sweet and docile and loved books and still is the same today as a 6 ft teen in a hoody

DD was always boisterous and feral she did however always look deceptively angelic with blonde curls and huge innocent looking eyes framed by enormous lashes. So I imagine a lot of people were taken in

I remember looking very enviously at parents with children who would sit and colour in. It seemed miraculous.

Same. My DD has only just started sitting for a film now she is nine.

YANBU about different parenting journeys. YABU about the sex. It’s my DD which is nuts.

I have to say I commented on the adhd thread to say I didn’t believe it really existed a few years ago but now I can categorically say if it does exist - she has it.

It’s not even like she’s operating on another level. Shes playing a completely different game entirely. That’s the only way I can describe it 🤪

Oh @Wishingplentyi couldn't agree more. Meeting with friends or other parents was the worst, they'd have the nice chats while I'd be running circuits. Or conversations with other parents where you don't make any eye contact at all because your eyes have to stay focused on your child and then you dont even remember what this person looked like despite having a heart to heart! Family members never offering to mind him but saying 'ill sort him out, he is only spoilt'.

My favourite is the toilet training one, 'just get him in the habit of sitting on a potty when he is looking at his books and when he pees make a big fuss.... ' there was zero chance ds would sit anywhere unless strapped into a car and that was a battle too. The idea of a child randomly sitting down for periods long enough to look through a book was insane to me. Having my youngest was also eye opening the other way, I was lucky to have the easy child experience and I really appreciated it

My 2 (one boy, one girl) were both high energy toddlers. We were very very lucky to live in a city which had toddler activities (trampoline club, gymnastics club, toddler baking at small cafe, soft play, church groups, etc) on most days, and 2 zoos that offered annual membership nearby. People uses to always comment how good it was of me to take them out so much, and I just always felt a bit baffled because spending a day at home would result in chaos. Taking them out every day was the only way we could all retain our sanity.

Once they were in primary I let them try out all the sports clubs they showed any interest in (plus swimming lessons). They are now both teenagers, still do sport 4 times a week but equally enjoy festering in their rooms and no longer need to be taken for a bracing walk twice a day.

Ds was 6 at the start of lockdown and I ended up running couch to 5k with him as he really needed a way to burn off his energy, thats probably been the worst of the parenting travails for me as im not a runner at all.

I saw a video where Anne Hathaway says "the thing about boys is that they don't make sense". I have a high energy boy and girl and they are both nuts but my girl is high energy in a way that makes sense to me, talking non stop about her turtle toys while building them a new cinema or something. My son will spend an hour or more whacking a hedge with a big stick making weird cave man roars.