To think parenting high energy little boys is a different type of parenting?

[iwonderificould]

DS is now nearly six and I have to say I love parenting him now although he can still be quite hard work, but he’s got bags of energy, fearless, independent and fun to be around.

But thinking back to when he was a toddler … it was really hard work and not very enjoyable. He didn’t really play with toys in any meaningful way but could create chaos in seconds. One of his favourite things to do was to pull books off the bookcase and throw them across the room, or empty the cats water bowl. He was just a mini wrecking ball of energy and mischief. He didn’t even watch TV so I didn’t have that option.

We ended up out a LOT as a result. I remember my friends from the NCT group (all with girls!) commenting on it. If there was a group, we were there, we did soft play, parks, all sorts, I had so many passive aggressive sort of comments about it.

Three years later I had my second child and I understood that actually you don’t have to be out all the time. DH and I waited for her to destroy the house (sort of toddler part 2) but it didn’t happen and still hasn’t. I can stay in and do puzzles and playing.

There wasn’t and isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with ds; the opposite but I do find even now that energy needs burning. So when I read on here things like ‘when do they get time to chill / I loved staying home doing crafts and playing with mine / oh a long bath is all they need’ I realise some of us with children with bags of energy … we are doing a very different parenting journey!

Plenty of studies say there is a very minor difference, but it’s mainly social.

researches have found no difference in in utero activity between the sexes, for example.

there’s no neurological difference until puberty.

the testosterone surge in males at puberty does cause an increase in physical activity or violence.

bottom line is you absolutely cannot say whether it’s nature or nurture.

I remember taking mine to a library playgroup when she was about 2.

toddlers all sitting around singing, doing actions…

while mine tried to climb the bookshelves 🤣. And would have done it if I hadn’t removed her 🤣

I have an energetic DS, a very calm DS and an absolutely feral DD. DD is not only 100 miles an hour, she also has extreme mood swings and we're always at loggerheads about something. DS might be very energetic and spirited too, but he at least is quite chill with his moods.
A few years ago my DM, her partner and my DSIS looked after my DCs for 2 hours. The partner and DSIS both had to have a nap afterwards and they haven't looked after them since!

I think comments like this forget that humans are an animal species. Sex differences are seen in other ape species too. There is difference in the physical bodies of human males and females which is due to the different roles each sex would have in society, females' roles obviously being heavily informed by a life of pregnancy and child bearing. Given this, it is a reasonable hypothesis that we would see other differences between males as a population and females as a population. Socialisation can enhance (or reduce) these natural differences.

This should not be a problem for feminists. Saying females as a population are more likely to be like this, or males as a population are more likely to be like this, does not mean all are. Opportunity should still be equal.

It doesn't have to be 'there is no difference of between males or females', or 'females are all like this and males are all like this'. We can take a more realistic view in-between these two extremes.

My red coat would have been off in the distance halfway up a tree with her mates at the bottom.

It may be relevant sociologically that my mother described me as a boy. Not that I was high energy, non stop, accident prone, not scared of anything, that I was a boy. I didn't match the profile, so I therefore had to be a boy.

Now, what does society try to do to girls who don't fit the gender roles? These days she'd have been met with encouragement to 'do something about it'.

I had 3 boys under 5, the eldest borderline ADHD. I was run ragged but had them on a very short rein. Some of my friends looked pityingly on me (mainly those with girls) however, my boys didn't give me much grief in their teenage years. They have all worked out fine.

Which is fair enough but the majority of my friends boys also eat loads, cupboard raid etc
When I said I literally used to joke that boys were like labradors, it was my own boys (and to be fair the vast majority of boys I have come into contact with) I was talking about, in my original post I should have said ‘My boys’ although I object to the poster assuming I can’t parent because my boys were creators of chaos.
Of course there are exceptions to the rule, one of my friends daughters plays rugby in a mixed team as they are allowed to at her age, she is literally the only girl…
One of my sons best friends loves art and crafts and hates all types of sport…
Ive never said to mine you have to behave in certain way because you’re a boy, youngest will still regularly dress up in princess dresses at his cousins, and when he was a toddler he carried a doll and pushed a dolls pram.
But boys usually are more physical and louder, of course that’s not all boys but evidence has shown that they are.
That doesn’t mean I’m raising emotionally stunted men, mine cry if they are upset, have stacks of empathy and loyalty but if I didn’t get them out the house for lots of fresh air exercise when they were small they didn’t used to play nicely with their toy kitchen, craft sets etc they would have been wrestling each other and climbing the walls.

Agree, the amount of ‘gosh, haven’t you got your hands full’ or “I don’t know what I would have done if I had had all boys” I got from usually girl mums when I was out and about…
Now 2 of mine are in secondary, and the horror stories I’m hearing from my friends who have girls in years 7-9 makes me thank my lucky stars!

I don’t think we have to say unpleasant things about either sex. My son is lovely, as is my daughter.

They do both present challenges but they are different types of challenges.

Exactly.

No sorry, I was editing my post and I messed up! I meant to say that opinions either way were anecdata (unless there’s a clear study that shows pre-teen boys have more energy than girls)

I have 2 girls and one was of the whirling dervish variety. The other calm. In my experience, boys get told off for disruptive behaviour much less than girls do. Much, much less actually.

Ha! we’ve got several absolutely nuts girls in the wider family. Also have family friends with 3 difficult girls!
My ds has always been quieter and calm. No terrible twos or tantrums. He’s never talked back or deliberately damaged anything. We went on holiday last year with the crazy girl relatives and it was an eye opener- arguing, destruction, crying! My son said he needed an another holiday afterwards.

We left the house this morning at 930 to go to forest playgroup and that was an hour and a half. After that went to soft play after the rain came and looked to be staying. Home by 330 and playing. Had dinner and put the TV on. DS still roaming around, up and down, down and up, sitting then standing, ambling around, up, down …

I do love him dearly but sometimes I wish he’d just sit down for ten fucking minutes!

All boys aren’t like that. Parenting them is different to parenting girls, but what you’re describing is just your boy. Can you find a group of mums of boys to connect with? It would be helpful to share experiences and have dialogues.

Mine is like this, even when hes gaming hes bouncing around all over the room working up a right sweat. Always been like it, even in utero- he was flipping between head down a breach right up until his 39 week delivery 😵‍💫

But you could say this about any type of child, not just very energetic boys. I’d say parenting a girl with extreme OCD, sleep issues and an eating disorder is a different type of parenting. 16 years of hell. But then there will be boys like that too.

And then parents of kids who are disabled, autistic, anxious could all say the same thing. It’s just different kids, different issues

Yabu as its not boy/girl but maybe sen asd/adhd thing
My dd was a wrecking ball.
She is audhd.
We went to a few houses of antenatal group. She was 14m old tried to go up the persons stairs, ate stones round another house, another destroyed a toy dog. A bit later she was in another kids conservatory and had every single book off the shelf and toy out. The boy was hardly moving at that age.
Some boys are incredibly placid and eat and sleep.
i think generally boys as toddlers are less able than girls so tend to sitting or running about. But some girls are already having the concentration to draw, read etc.

i would say my girls were worse in that while we did go out it was incredibly stressful as they would rub off not sit fo story time have huge tantrums.

I don't think it's a boy girl thing, my eldest boy has always been really placid and my friend's daughter is by far the wildest child I've ever met, but my youngest son definitely feels like parenting on another level!

He's fantastic and so entertaining, but he doesn't stop from the second he opens his eyes until he's fully asleep (I never knew someone could keep talking as they fell asleep until he learned to talk 😂). I'm knackered, happy but knackered.

Please don’t. I had an active, fairly high energy girl. I also have brother. I’m quite capable of listening and comprehending the comments of my from my friends who had boys and thence understood the need for action, wrestling constantly. ( one boy with his brothers the day he got married) ‘you have to run the every day’ unquote.
Bit patronising, honestly.

In terms of adhd 3-4 boys diagnosed adhd compared to 1 girl.
However having been through the process there is a huge amount of sexism both from the school and the assessment process.
My dd was classic adhd and i knew it from 3 and was equally as challenging as most difficult boy in reception. But it took about 4 years more for diagnosis and an argument from me. Even thoigh they were so similar in reception. But likewise other boys who never struggled before age 12 were then pushed through quickly even with no previous issues (which doesnt match the diagnostic criteria..) .

However my other dc also seems to have adhd but doesnt behave poke that at school. Or… at least doesnt stand out as below how the boys behave.

Both my high energy girl and boy would love to throw books around and empty water bowls on the floor... If we let them. Never happened though.

High energy kids are hard work yes.
We do end up outdoor a lot (the 7 am playground crowd 🖐).

Complete rubbish. It’s not a girl/boy thing, it’s a personality thing. Some girls are like this, some boys are not. We also subconsciously mould children differently according to ‘gender stereotypes’ from infancy. When little boys are boisterous and energetic we go ‘oh he’s such a boy’ and when girls do it we tell them to stop. This conditioning kicks in very early, but these are not innate behavioural differences based on sex.

We had high energy kids. Had to be exercised every day or chaos would ensue, but once they'd used up the energy they'd be fine. One would scale trees in the park which could be alarming. They tried every sport. It was tiring but probably kept me fitter than otherwise.
The up side is as teenage years kick in, they are more likely to sleep in a bit.
But they were always having to be doing something, sports, hobbies, plans, which is reflected in their life choices now when they've grown up.
They are never dull.

I've only said YABU because high energy little girls is also exhausting, though I don't have any boys they sound exactly the same! Pulling books off the book shelf and throwing them is exactly what she does, and with her toys. Today she flung an ounce of my breastmilk across the kitchen, last week she broke some eggs on the kitchen floor. She has SO MUCH energy.