No one seems to have much of a personality these days?

[Signingwithafelttippen]

Including myself in this too probably!

Has anyone noticed this? Maybe it's an age thing?
When my Dc was younger, I remember the kids parties having a bit of an atmosphere about them, all us parents were knackered, but we generally tried to have a laugh, chatted, made conversation and were interested in one another (or at least pretended to be)
Mid -late 40's now, party today and a couple of weeks ago, just so flat, people barely speaking.
I visit my family, with Dsis and Dbro there, we all chat but having a laugh seems more of a thing of the past?
Everything seems so dull, are we all just collectively depressed or is it just the people around me?
I miss people with a bit of life about them, an interesting story to tell or a bit of wit

Is it just me?

Which could turn into, oh my god where do you fine the energy? Want to run ours with them?

And occasionally people say “sure drop them off”

There are very active 40+ people. Yes we had a running mum who would happily do a free turns around the field whilst us lazy ones sat/stood round the benches giving commentary and vocal encouragement each lap.

Yes we bought the coffees afterwards (totally worth it).

And friendships grew, and yes I could be around most pick ups so collected their child and walked them home sometimes, and she took on the field laps at the park again.

Much more fun and friendly than keeping within your own bubble and judging.

I think basically someone has to make the first move nowadays and run the risk of being judged as pushy, needy, weird.

And fewer people are robust enough to be able to take rejection.

Right.

I would be too busy focusing on my own child than watching the other poster play with theirs.

I know two things can be done at once but judging other parents through a snapshot of parenting at a playground where you would expect most children there are capable of playing on their own or someone their own age is not something that would enter my mind ( depending on the type of playground equipment and what ages it is meant for.

Tbh, I don’t recall my parents playing with me at the playground after the age of 6. I just went on the play equipment on my own and/or played with the other children there. From what I remember, most parents usually were talking amongst each other, reading something, or doing a circuit in the park (walk, jog, run). Yes, there were the parents that run around but they were the ones (often dads ime) who didn’t seem to mind and then left the kids to do the game on their own and just monitored as did the parents around. No idea if they were judging the other parents.

Tbf it’s clear from threads on here that some people are pushy and needy and choose to ignore the most obvious signs that someone isn’t interested. I think that comes from being forced to accept people at school and include them even if you don’t like them. They have never learnt that some people don’t like them and how to deal with that.

Me too!

Of course, I totally agree with that. I'm in my 50s and I run three times a week and play sport with my kid, I just don't feel the need to hammer home to people how much more vital and energetic I am than all the other mums, I think its a bit crass.

I completely agree with the broader point though that life is too short to give a shit whether other people are judging you. You'd never get anything done.

And I also think it's really important to model this to kids. If kids are brought up to feel a sense of shame associated with trying things or getting involved they will never try new things. That's a massively limiting thing to carry with you (particularly for women).

It's really important for them to feel that joining in and taking risks is OK and that if people give you funny looks or laugh at you its their problem, not yours.

I have a child and I don’t recognise what the OP is saying at all. Certainly the people I know are still as interesting as ever, and I don’t notice any difference in strangers — I’m on holiday atm and fell into conversation with a very interesting woman in an art gallery on Saturday.

Hmmm, but that cuts both ways.

Some people isolate themselves because they are genuinely happy like that, some do it because they are insecure and lack confidence and actually want to be included.

Learning to read a room and read other people's boundaries is important but if you take that attitude to logical conclusions no one would ever approach anyone else outside their family because of the risk that they don't like them (honestly there's a lot of this around at the moment anyway).

You want kids to learn not to push themselves on people when its unwanted and to read other people's emotional energy of course, but you also don't want them growing up in a state of fear of being rejected by everyone which is so crippling they never try. It's a balance.

I am in my fifties and cannot relate to this at all. We often have a laugh, meet up loads and everyone has a personality. We don’t always agree. Lots of chat. Serious and fun. What a shame if people are changing.

I'm not sure this is new TBH.

My MIL at toddler and soft play seemed really taken aback at how much many parents like me played with the kids and didn't sit ignoring them. Kids being ignore trying to play was also a feature- and my DC are late teens early 20s. So no phones but still not attention on the kids - other parents as distraction.

Everyone also seem to compete for how tried they were and even then it was increasing taboo to say you love being a parent and enjoyed the kids.

People have got ever more flaky about meeting up. Even my teens find this - though DD2 keep trying and getting very low turn out. Pre covid my IL would have thrown a party for their big anniversary post they went away for the weekend. Most weekend pre covid we'd be out and about with plans post covid hit exam years and rising cost of everything - a cheap meal out now is over a hundred pounds so we go out less.

I think the comment made by @frozendaisy is spot on

@Thepeopleversuswork ”But this particular poster was just being smug and self-centred. "Look at me! I'm in my 40s and still running around a field with my kids!" Yay!"”

I don’t know.. I’m not a parent so I am not privy to all the delicacies of parent communication. I think that’s a classic case of someone expressing happiness and being told that they shouldn’t. You’re accused of showing off about every little thing online, and people increasingly are IRL the way they are online.

isn’t it possible that poster was just… happy? And happy to be healthy? Is that not allowed anymore because it’s over privileged? (spoken as someone who technically had chronic illness for years and years, as well as major physical ill illness and injury)

meanwhile I think I’ve realised the answer to my own question about people not talking about the stuff they’ve done. I think they’re either nervous to talk about it or they have already put it on their social media along with photos and video clips and they feel that they’ve already done that and moved on. Or they used up their social energy doing it.

regardless, the outlook for friendship is not good.

I agree with you about people being accused of showing off. I have no problem with people being happy and showing their happiness… I just thought it was a bit gratuitous to start a post about what a fun mum you are when everyone else is miserable.

@Thepeopleversuswork ” I just thought it was a bit gratuitous”

I thought it was completely understandable in the context of what we’re discussing. Ironically, criticising that poster for being gratuitous or showing off… I’ve lost the plot somewhat… is a really good example of what the problem is.

Apparently, nothing can be said without accidentally pissing somebody off. It’s ridiculous.

actually this thread has made me realise that I’m in a much better situation than I thought. I might not be seeing a lot of enthusiasm, but at least I am seeing people who can socialise and who can say that they got promoted or they went on holiday, etc and none of us are secretly thinking “ that’s unnecessary showing off, how dare they be in a good mood”.

I didn't mean it in a nasty way, just agreeing with the posters who said people seem to compete with how tired or busy they are - We are all tired and busy! It would be great to talk about other things too and actually express joy without being judged.

Not everyone does this of course but is more common.

I think we’re all a bit stressed with the economy, cost of living and doomsday media. I can’t sell my flat (or find a nice boyfriend) it’s causing me so much stress it’s all I can think about (the flat) and all anyone asks me about at meet ups (the flat and dating)! For example.

I also imagine it’s this - when children are tiny we choose who we do playdates with and we pick the fun parents with a bit of spark who we gel with. At nursery we had the best group of parents and kids. Now my son is at school I don’t have that fun group, and I imagine play dates when he is older will all be his choice of peer and I might not vibe with the mums.

That’s why I like it at the gym/spa place I go to. It’s almost like an unwritten rule that people don’t talk about how busy/stressed they are.

I agree with this. I don't recognise any of the changes other posters mention, apart from people making arrangements before calling to someone's house (for teens and adults). Where I live kids still play outdoors in all weathers and the chatter and laughs out of them on the walk to and from school is still full on and enthusiastic. I went to a pub in the touristy part of Dublin last week and the craic that strangers were having with each other was great, interesting and fun conversations galore.

Similar at my new job, we have our emails scripted for us - I am very expereinced at dealing with people and wondering why they hired me if they don't want any original or authentic content or relationships. But its a public sector adjacent company and extremely risk averse.

Yes I can completely relate to this.

It really seeps into the way you perceive yourself.

Obviously there has to be an expectation of professional behaviour and communication in the workplace, but if you signal to people that they can't be trusted to conduct themself with colleagues or contacts without some corporate sign-off it makes them really doubt themselves more broadly.

Corporate life has really expanded to take more and more of people's personal lives in recent years. You see this most obviously in the amount of work hours it takes, but I think it also eats into people's personality.