No one seems to have much of a personality these days?

[Signingwithafelttippen]

Including myself in this too probably!

Has anyone noticed this? Maybe it's an age thing?
When my Dc was younger, I remember the kids parties having a bit of an atmosphere about them, all us parents were knackered, but we generally tried to have a laugh, chatted, made conversation and were interested in one another (or at least pretended to be)
Mid -late 40's now, party today and a couple of weeks ago, just so flat, people barely speaking.
I visit my family, with Dsis and Dbro there, we all chat but having a laugh seems more of a thing of the past?
Everything seems so dull, are we all just collectively depressed or is it just the people around me?
I miss people with a bit of life about them, an interesting story to tell or a bit of wit

Is it just me?

Yes it's this

What? No not at all. I dint go to many parties but the last one (a friends 60th) was a very jolly occasion.

Not at all. It’s different but the sooner people realise that this is how it is now, the better.

I use headphones and have my head in my phone/kindle when I’m out and about as a way to signal that I don’t want to be pulled into talking shit with a stranger. If people do interpret my reluctance as a lack of personality, I am fine with that.

COVID was terrifying but the social distancing and remote contact was interesting and quite a relief in’a lot of ways.

I definitely think it could be this!

Fear has seeped in to our very souls!

Just scroll idly on Instagram or similar for five minutes and you are bombarded with don’t do this, don’t do that, here are five things that will make you look better, sleep better, lose weight more easily, hold a more interesting conversation (ironically) but also be careful because other people are narcissists, controlling, are jealous of you etc etc.

I saw someone had written somewhere that older dc or teens no longer dance at parties because they are too afraid of being filmed and teased and I wonder how that particular fear of being observed and recorded is conditioning our collective psyches from an early age?

Finally I think we have become so much more insular and isolated staring in to screens which don’t ask anything of us except passivity and the ability to consume content. Children are brought up now to fulfil themselves and be authentically themselves and self confident and that’s great but there is too little emphasis on how we as individuals relate to others and society as a whole.

I've noticed this and I think the main problem is phones. People would just rather be at home on their phone than doing literally anything else.

And it feeds on itself. I used to try to organise things with my friends, and if someone else organised something, I'd always try to be there and never cancelled. But now I just think why bother being like that, no one else does or appreciates it. So now I've stopped organising, probably someone else may see me and think "gosh if even LimeSegment isn't going, I'm definitely not".

There's also been an attitude change, its now seen as better to being boring and a bit aloof. It used to be the person that had the most friends and went out the most was the coolest. Now that person is seen as a bit of a loser (don't they have anything better to do?) and the person who is at home is above it all.

It's a bit like in the past, you won an argument etc by having the last word. These days the first person not to reply is seen as having won, because they must care less, and the ultimate victory is leaving someone on read.

one of the ways that I think this might be showing is that young people-teenagers/early twenties- do not seem to dress in a quirky way that shows individuality- I used to have a quirky dress sense at that age
i lived in London until my early fifties and that was very obvious there - I don’t think that its just where I live though - more to do with them being worried about standing out and receiving negative feedback for it

Aren't you just observing the difference in yourself?

This is why people look back with rose-tinted glasses, they felt more excited when they were young.

Yes, performing exhaustion or being too busy is the default of parents in my area.

It dawned on me the other day that I am an absolute weirdo as a parent - literally the only mum in the park who runs around with dc, playing football, water pistols out or pretending to be a huge hairy monster. I am in my 40s! EVERY other parent in the park is sipping a hot drink and staring at their phone. Their kids sometimes ask to play with us.

I'm beginning to feel I haven't 'adulted' yet - even though I love my hot drinks and do look at my phone, it wouldn't occur to me to go to a park and not play with my young child! My dad was the same and often played with us when we were small.

I'm not sure where the joy has gone but it all feels a bit depressing that real fun is missing in many people's lives.

Think it’s things like tone policing tbh, I’m friendly and chatty but I’ve started to tone down my opinions (middle of the road not extreme in any way) because people are fucking mental these days imo. I think a lot if it is done in a rather sneaky way as well, express an opinion on womens rights and you can get dobbed in to HR, theres a lot of “holding people to account” or ostracism for having the wrong opinions. I’ll happily chat to someone who wants to vote reform or greens (not a parties I would vote for personally) and be interested in why that is without feeling the need to try to publicly shame anyone or win an argument. Look at our universities, instead of debating we have actual students at places like Oxford trying to still no platform people. It’s shambolic. The standard of public debate is shit as well, it’s all gotchas instead of authentic exploration of ideas and facts.

Every year on the “look at my fridge” threads at xmas there are people who complain about it all being tone deaf. Our society itself has taken the joy and normal rhythms of conversation out of a lot of things in an effort to “be kind”.

It's pretty unpleasant to dismiss others as performing exhaustion, perfectly possible they're experiencing exhaustion.

I think it’s censorship. People are scared to say anything for fear of offence so conversation remains bland. Not a good development

our whole society has become so woke people are probably scared to say anything in case of offending someone. Everything is instant and put on social media, lives are constantly compared to others. no wonder people are more stressed now than ever before

There’s another thing which hasn’t been explored much which is that socialising when I was younger (Gen X) meant copious amounts of alcohol and sometimes drugs. I know not everyone was like this but alcohol played a huge part in people’s social lives.

I’m now mid 50s and have sadly watched people from my generation die young in part due to lifestyle diseases. My life is insanely busy and my child is going through exams. There’s no space in my life for any socialising which involves recovery time and I am menopausal and alcohol is problematic now for me. Socialisation in pubs and parties has lost a lot of its allure for me and I just don’t have time for it. I have more or less stopped drinking.

Obviously its possible to have fun without alcohol (and I do), but it does require a bit of a redrawing of the rules of your life if pubs have been central to the way you meet people for decades. I think quite a lot of people of my age are probably in the same situation. It doesn’t mean you stop socialising of course but it does change things.

I think that people are scared to joke about things these days, for fear of offending anyone. People lack a sense of humour and there’s no gentle banter. We have the ‘professionally offended’ to thank for it, (a phrase I learnt on here)

Because everything you say these days offends someone

You’re not allowed to be interested in a wide range of different/ wacky things anymore unless you’re autistic/ adhd

I thoroughly enjoy deep thinking. That’s apparently weird

Quite a lot say proudly that they don’t listen to the news

isn't it just the bell curve of aging.

you start off young and carefree, having a larf, perhaps shagging about, getting smashed, mischief with you pals.

them you settle down with a partner, kids and responsibilities

they you age out, kids sod off and you become a oldie that don't give a stuff and does and says what they can/want

I think there are outside pressures, people having to work harder to keep their jobs because employers know it’s an employers market at the moment. A difference in some people/parents having flexibility and WFH whereas some are dead on their feet with longer shifts.

Financial worries and political instability does ripple through society, there isn’t much good news out there, and force people into being trapped in less happy households.

I raise my head up once in a while and am gobsmacked at the increase of open, not overt, quite subtle, but it’s there racism, sexism and homophobia. And almost totally across the board entrenched views with no one open to engaging in debate.

People are less inclined to share goofy stories as outwardly it seems it’s all about having control. Over how you look, what you eat, clean living, if you house/car/kids are insta-worthy. When people inject themselves with botox, steroids, weight loss drugs for vanity yet can’t recall the last book they read or have a cultural opinion, yeah it’s different. And as people point out less happy.

There are pockets of people who are still fun, kind, giving, non-judgemental, sarcastic, happy but you have to hunt them out. People who are genuinely content don’t take offence or judge. It’s finding them that’s become the hard bit.

I’ve found this really interesting, and it’s actually made me make plans with friends so we’re still connecting and having fun! My kids have done lots of clubs and one thing I’ve really noticed is at the ‘waiting’ time - waiting to drop off or pick up - when my 14 year old was young everyone chatted at these points. Now everyone stands looking at their phone. It’s always seemed quite weird to me, the difference

I wonder if it’s phones too. People are so quick to bury themselves in a phone. Also there used to be more shared experiences from telly which was a good fallback. Also people are worried about talking about politics or religion…

I really noticed when on holiday up north recently that fandoms were so much more open to a chat too, that keeps a conversation going.

I also think people are just knackered…don’t know why…

I think this hits the nail on the head. We are all contactable all the time now so share things as they happen. I miss those long phone calls too.

Yes and god forbid you make a joke with someone you do not know - they will almost certainly be mortally offended and have a breakdown

Pretty unpleasant and also unbearably smug. You have no way of knowing what issues other parents are facing.