No one seems to have much of a personality these days?

[Signingwithafelttippen]

Including myself in this too probably!

Has anyone noticed this? Maybe it's an age thing?
When my Dc was younger, I remember the kids parties having a bit of an atmosphere about them, all us parents were knackered, but we generally tried to have a laugh, chatted, made conversation and were interested in one another (or at least pretended to be)
Mid -late 40's now, party today and a couple of weeks ago, just so flat, people barely speaking.
I visit my family, with Dsis and Dbro there, we all chat but having a laugh seems more of a thing of the past?
Everything seems so dull, are we all just collectively depressed or is it just the people around me?
I miss people with a bit of life about them, an interesting story to tell or a bit of wit

Is it just me?

Homogenization of younger generations by social media is the root of this I think.

Everyone wants to look and be the same. Individual thinking developed through imagination and actual play (make believe, imaginary friends, dramas acted with toys) has long gone. It's all computer screens and praising children for even breathing which fails to develop character or personality in the long term.

I think it is age, but a lot of people don't relax and be themselves without alcohol or around people they don't know very well. If I think about times I've really had a laugh in the past, it has usually been with people I know pretty well.

I found school mums a bit dull 15 years ago compared to friendships I'd made when I was younger. But people are understandably being more guarded around people they don't know when their kids are also involved. Some people are also less confident and secure in who they are or feel intimidated.

Maybe they are all on Mumsnet and have read posts saying things like asking normal conversations about your job and your husband’s job is nosey CF behaviour.

I agree. I think phones and the internet have replaced the desire for interaction and interest in other people, or even the world in general. They've made people more introverted and in some respects more self absorbed. It's a whole mini-sphere which in theory puts them in control, whereas real social engagement requires a degree of skill. I also think people are afraid to say the wrong thing, they're more guarded. Humour has become a minefield for example and opinions on so many subjects have never been more polarised.

Yes, guarded is a good work

Can’t say I’ve noticed this at all. I wonder if it’s area specific. Where do people live who are experiencing this? I still meet up with my friends and have a good laugh and I find people I don’t know who I might encounter in pubs etc as sociable as ever.

I am 47. In the main, I have always just been myself in all situations. I am very unguarded. I get quite politicised, quite animated about things I enjoy, and I laugh a lot. Perhaps not as much as I used to! I've always enjoyed being with lots of different people. I like people! I am slightly more careful with primary school parents, but I can see that they (mainly much younger than me) are much more controlled than I ever am or have been in my life. It's screens. Growing up with screens, feeling scrutinised online, comparing yourself constantly to other people, having less exposure to other real life people. My age gives me some immunity to this. I think a generation (or three) has been badly failed. It's smoking for our times, but the impacts are hitting everyone because these anxious, locked-in people walk among us all. There are other factors at play too, I think. Climate change, cost of living, rising political unrest globally, covid lockdowns etc. all add to this growing sense of unease and dreadful news on the horizon. I think there is a lot for people to process at the moment, and younger people have not been equipped with the tools that might help them to do it, a basic faith in humanity being the most fundamental.

I definitely don't find people a dull or homogenous bunch as a whole though and definitely not the younger generations. They are absolutely fantastic. Have you ever thought you are dull yourself? I've certainly felt that way at some stages of life when it was all childcare, work and sleep. Perhaps you need to ask better questions to find out what makes people tick. And preferably where people feel more relaxed than a child's party.

I have a rather strong personality that can, often, lead people to believe I am a bit "much". I am the joker, the outspoken, occasionally abrasive one. The one that will say what everyone else thinks but is too afraid to say. The rebellious one most employers dread unless they want someone on a team who will bring a critical eye. It doesnt always do me favours.

That said, I am middle aged and really have got past the "oh will they disapprove?" stage if I was ever there to begin with.

I think it is a myth that its changed all that much though. Most people were boring 40, 50, 60 years ago, we just never saw enough of them to notice. With social media we now see how bland most people are.

That said, I also think most people have no idea who they are. When culture is saturated with bring "seen" to be something, it dorsnt breed authenticity.

The people that were more eccentric in my youth would be cancelled today; the old dears who acted like granny from Catherine Tate , the Delboy Trotter types. They were cliches and stereotypes for a reason.

We get far less time to connect with people in communities, given how we live... mass online ordering, huge retail chains etc. We dont meet the local corner shop owners anymore (e.g. we used to have an Indian lady who called herself Mrs Bibi who ran our corner shop and who was a walking parody.)

HR departments and local offense taking groups have sanitised whatever eccentricity there was. Not saying its negative, but I have gotten in trouble for having a personality in the public sector. How very frowned upon!

One big change I have noticed is how many people nowadays associate with their victim labels and it can be tiresome. They can have nothing outside of their neurodiversity (I say that as someone a diagnosis, ironically saying it here), gender ideology, feminism, right-wingness etc. Being part of those groups is now who people are anf they believe it makes them unique (being part of a huge group ironically).

TLDR: most people have always been boring and it isnt new. Those w personality are often demonised especially in workplaces. Many think they havr personality becauee they ID with group belonging.

I absolutely agree with this. However, I would add that while tech may have replaced the desire for social interaction, they in no conceivable way provide the enrichment and wellbeing that real human contact does. It's a genuine tragedy if anyone out there believes that they do. People go on about how they love to hibernate and they won't go out if they can't get home by 9pm, they're pleased when arrangements are cancelled etc. I find all this desperately sad. It's like everyone is becoming deliberately more isolated and distrusting of other people. Humans ARE social animals. We thrive together. Tech can damage us and make us believe otherwise.

Perhaps it's only back to normal when the booze comes out?

People don't talk anymore. Not to the extent they used to. Friends communication is mostly through text. When I was growing up we used to talk constantly, long phone calls, gossip, chatting. This is why oracy is a big focus in education.

I truly believe social media has killed people’s social skills.
I remember in my early adulthood, being excited to meet up with friends and hear their news, long phone calls to catch up, making the effort to keep in touch. Also having chats about what was in the news, what we’d watched on TV the night before. Coming back from holidays full of stories to tell. Generally, enjoying the company of others - friends, family, neighbours, colleagues - making the effort to have a relationship, converse, engage.
These days, the only people who I still have that sort of engagement with are those who don’t have social media.

I think there seems to be pressure to come across as miserable, exhausted and burnt out. Whenever I try to talk to anyone these days they just seem to want to tell me about their condition or why their DCs school is letting them down. My DC is getting on brilliantly at his new secondary school and it's almost frowned upon to share that joy with anyone.

Yes I agree about younger people for sure, but i'm also seeing it with people a similar age (47 here too) or a bit younger/older, not every person, but more than they're used to be

Maybe it's me too, I said this above, but i'm seeing it with others (not just when they're with me directly) so I don't think it's me boring them in this instance!

Yes

I belong to a local social thing where that happens, but I do feel like a lemon because I’m the only single woman there.

I genuinely think a lot of people are using up their empathy and the bit of their brain that does interesting things, or likes to hear about interesting things, online. Very often on here people will say that they don’t have time because of family obligations, but as I have said several times on here, I grew up with two working parents who were very short on time… but they always made time for friends.

I have been at that local social thing on a night where it’s been really flat and thought that I would have been better off at home looking at stuff online… that is a factor when I’m thinking about going out and how much it will cost, safe getting home etc

Weird example, I went to a really great exhibition at the fashion museum last year. I’ve got one contact who is really big into fashion so when I saw her, I told her about it…She wasn’t really interested in anything I had to say. She immediately looked it up online, decided to go and that was the end of the conversation. I did message her and ask her what she thought of it and I just got a couple of words back.

But actually, the nicest thing about it wouldn’t come up online… which was the vibe. I went with a friend and we were both really struck by what a lovely friendly vibe there was there and how people were chatting to each other about the exhibit. (There was a lot to chat about because it was an exhibition of period drama costumes. So as well as looking at some fantastic British design, people were chatting about their memories of the scenes and so on).

Anyway, I didn’t even have time to make that remark to her. Maybe that’s not significant, but I think it’s quite a good example of how being online can shut down conversation.

You said this “I miss positive, interesting people who had something to say”

I had one friend - now not in touch with her - who said to me “ I like going out with you because you always have things to say, you talk about things”.

And I said “?? what do you mean? Doesn’t everyone talk about things?”

And she said “ no… a lot of people will just talk about their families, they want to gossip about other people… they don’t really talk about things like art or films or whatever”.

I don’t want to be a bore, so I actually hold back on stuff like that. I do get really into the details of script or I will have a lot to say if I’ve been to an art exhibition or something. But I do think she was unusual in that a lot of people don’t seem to want to talk about the stuff they do. I mean, I know they are going to things like that, but when I ask them about it, I just get “ it was good/bad/whatever”. If you’re lucky you might get shown some photographs.

Within that social group, we’ve had people who’ve been to see Oasis, Bon Jovi, lots of big shows in London…. I genuinely love to hear the details of all that stuff, but there’s not a lot of people who actually want to tell you about it. I feel as if that’s a change.

I also feel as if I have waffle on too long already… but this is something that was really bothering me a couple of years ago.

Whatever the change is, I no longer really let it bother me…. I think it’s permanent and I’ve not enjoyed going out and meeting people.

On the rare occasion that you meet a fellow single person, they will disappear the minute they find someone to date. This seems to apply whether 20 or 70.

Some of the descriptions I read on here, I’m actually quite grateful that I’ve got those surface level acquaintances around as an option. Clearly lots of people don’t even have that.

And now I feel like I ought to apologise for taking up too much space by waffling on here!

Yes! That’s why I mentioned about having suffered with depression and anxiety even though I didn’t tell anybody.

It’s so nice to be in a good mood…. But apparently, I’ve done this in the era where you’re not supposed to tell anybody that you’re in a good mood, or they will ask you why you are so cheerful… as if it’s a suspicious condition to be in!

Screen zombies.

I haven’t seen one of my closest friends for 3 weeks because she’s like an old maid at 59 and things have gone flat between us. She doesn’t want to go out in the evening, doesn’t have a drink, has no hobbies, doesn’t keep fit or do anything physical, shit husband, etc etc and I’m the same age with a whole lot of life in me, feeling in good shape and thinking I feel 35.

We have friends (a couple) who i've struggled with in this way over the last couple of years. We are categorically not loud, dominating, controversial people, but sometimes we want to have a silly joke - never at anyone's expense or pranks or anything, something as benign as doing an impression of one of our pets doing something amusing, and it just feels like... i dont know, we're not serious enough for them? Even if thats one moment in otherwise very normal conversation. I think its stemming from their staunch perception of us as 'chaotic' which is confusing to say the least... i cannot stress enough how drama free and stable our life is. We dont make dramas out of nothing either. Its like if they do something its normal, if we do it its proof of how 'chaotic' we are. If they were hungover, thats fine. If we are hungover (maybe twice a year that this gets mentioned) thats us being 'wild'. They are odd fish.

No, not at all! It's really interesting what you say about people not going into much detail about a concert they've been to, a holiday they've been on...I notice this too. I wonder if we're all just exhausted

There is definitely something in the censoring any sign of being jolly or happy. As I say, i'm quite introverted, but am sometimes happy and a bit of enthusiasm for life might come back, I definitely feel as though I have to play this down a bit. Really odd

A lot of people are working full time in full on jobs, long commute nowadays etc. They have less energy as they are working a bit too hard.

The PC police mean you cannot say anything for fear of offending some minority group. You can't say you are pleased about decluttering as it looks like you are showing off. People may take it as a dig at them. Some people can see an insult in any interaction so I don't blame people being a bit bland.

Do you mean you went to a kids' partty with your youngest, and it's very different from the parties you went to years ago with your oldest? Or do you mean you just attended a kids' party with your family's kids?
Because I think there is a difference, in that you would more likely know the other parents, and be in the infant school headspace if they are your own kids?

Some people do say that parents now tend to be on their phones more, and go out less, than pre Covid, and maybe as there's more wfh, meaning people are more likely to rush drop offs/pick ups and not chat as much as in the past? Not sure if it's true, really.