No one seems to have much of a personality these days?

[Signingwithafelttippen]

Including myself in this too probably!

Has anyone noticed this? Maybe it's an age thing?
When my Dc was younger, I remember the kids parties having a bit of an atmosphere about them, all us parents were knackered, but we generally tried to have a laugh, chatted, made conversation and were interested in one another (or at least pretended to be)
Mid -late 40's now, party today and a couple of weeks ago, just so flat, people barely speaking.
I visit my family, with Dsis and Dbro there, we all chat but having a laugh seems more of a thing of the past?
Everything seems so dull, are we all just collectively depressed or is it just the people around me?
I miss people with a bit of life about them, an interesting story to tell or a bit of wit

Is it just me?

I find it depends on the situation, even with the same people. In some contexts everyone is a lot more engaged , funny, outspoken etc. and we have a great time. In others it’s all a bit meh and same old , same old. I can still definitely have a laugh with my friends.

I totally know what you mean, OP.
It feels like eccentricity, whimsy, joy, humour and strong opinions are regarded as deeply suspect in some of my mum circles. Not only is everyone genuinely tired (and look I'm not judging anyone for that), but there is this unspoken expectation that as mums that we must also PERFORM exhaustion. If you come across as too humourous or enthusiastic people start looking at you funny like you have been snorting drugs in the toilets or something. Something very odd is happening in our culture at the moment.

Yes maybe, but even at something as boring really as a kids party, we'd all chat away, people had interesting things to say, there seems to be nothing that positive to say now

Yes exactly this! It's just all so flat, it feels almost strange to be happy or to make jokes, whereas the opposite was true before, rare to sit quietly (as I sometimes used to) there's just no oomph...of anything

From what I read on here, a lot of parents are terrified of other kids parents judging them, excluding them, thinking they're not good enough, and that this will negatively impact their child's prospects at school. Adopting a bland low key personality for public consumption probably feels like the safest bet.

Yes, maybe it's this. Seems like people had a bit of spark about them before, barely anyone seems as friendly either as the 'Old days'

I’m not a parent, but I feel like I’ve had to pack my personality away

Initially it was due to loss of friends in lockdown and I really blamed myself.

Then, as I had to navigate the whole minefield of meeting new people, I sat back and observed a lot. And I realised that either a lot of people are holding back, all things have changed a lot.

The people who know me well, I can still be myself with them. I’m not remotely offensive or loud btw.

I think it’s more that lots of people are holding things back… I don’t really know why.

I’ve mentioned on here before about a lady I know who went through some health and financial difficulties and I’m pleased to say that she managed to rebuild her career in her 60s. She’s just bought a house which is great. She was previously in a little flat. I give that example because she said she feels unable to say to her friends that she’s really proud to have made it this far and to be successful. Because that’s one of a whole string of things that you can’t say now.

it’s like you have to apologise for… everything.

as you say @Signingwithafelttippen it’s like you’re not supposed to be happy or make jokes. I was in treatment for depression and anxiety for a long time. I didn’t tell people. But I think now happiness is almost seen as a bad thing? I can’t explain it.

It’s the internet and social media in our pockets.

Gosh, yes, you're really onto something there, definitely feels like people are holding back, but why?
I'm actually an introvert, but even for me, the way people are now seems odd

Do you think it has just literally taken away our ability to communicate properly or care about others?

An example is today, I was at a child's party, I know the mum, the father i'd never met, he seemed perfectly pleasant, but barely spoke. They were the hosts, but didn't make the effort to ask others about themselves, initiate conversation, we were all just sat there. In a way it's refreshing to be rid of the small talk, but also there really does seem to be a lack of people not being able to connect with others, or just simply not wanting to.
I miss positive, interesting people who had something to say

Agree with this. A lot of paranoia and mistrust among parents in our generation. Quite sad actually. And everyone going around behaving like they are on a zoom meeting at a large American corporate. It's like we've all become self-policing.

It’s phones / tablets. DS was complaining that when he goes round to his friends house, one (age 10) is on his phone, the other (age 5) is on his tablet. The mum & dad would be on their devices too (fair enough, I’m on mine for work / leisure). I remember the days too, when everyone was present, whether at home, at the pub or a party or just out & about being part of society… Life was more carefree then, too.

Yeah and they dress boring too

i hardly see anyone wearing colourful or patterned clothes (or patterns that aren’t dull beige geometric shapes from Zara or something)

and I do notice a lot of humour is more like, sneering or something? It’s not just fun or silly. Someone is the butt of the joke.

oh and! I find people really obsessive about that they like? Their football team, tv shows, I dunno, singers?
This weird parasocial life of book character relationship wars or political arguments

Yes, I miss it so much. Does anyone actually meet in a pub and sit round, drinking, laughing, talking all night anymore?

Yep, just you.

Ah! but if you do show just a smigen of personality and character people cock their heads to one side and ask “are you ok? Honestly ok?” Or ask if your xx condition they’ve assumed you have (and don't have, you are just averaging normal) is playing up and maybe you need to see your Gp about medication to help.
Then they get upset when you stare at them, smile and go about your day.

I know what you mean OP. I used to have swagger believe it or not. Made everyone laugh, people used to say how funny I was. It just falls on flat ears now.

I guess it's the consequence of too much screen time and internet use.

I do and the pubs I go to always have other groups doing the same. Why don't you try asking your friends out and see what happens?

It's not surprising really.

How many threads on here where someone has taken offence at a comment which was probably not meant as it was taken.

I have two different personalities now. My "real" personality that can be a bit crude, find things funny that cause uproar on here, quite good at a flirty/sarky comeback. This is reserved for close family and friends.

Then there is my "outdoor" personality. Very PC, consider what I say, consider who is in the room. Quite boring.

This has happened over the last couple of decades, I didn't used to do it.

Okay....

We do go out, not as often as we did-kids etc and it's nice, but not quite the same as it was

Yes, seems a shame to have to censor

Totally agree with you - people just seem really boring and uninterested these days. There is definitely pressure to fit this boring stereotype of a school mum and for those of us who dare to show a bit of personality, we come off as 'weird'. I miss the old days!

I went back and changed my vote because I thought it might 🤏 be just you getting older, growing up and gaining perspective.

But then I remembered where I am , on Mumsnet , where a minute doesn't pass without a thread berating people for all manner of behaviours - some shitty, some reasonable, but often really really petty and inconsequential.

Being online forces other people's opinions of what's acceptable on you whether you like it or not.

I think it's an age thing but probably not on the way other posters mean. I'm older and mix with people a bit younger than me and up to twenty years older. We do still seem to have personalities and a laugh I think. Social media has a lot to answer for as many people have few interests any more and seem to lack enquiring minds. Also older people tend to pipe up and not censor themselves so much for fear of disapproval. Not always good obviously as the many threads on outspoken racist parents can testify to.any people are just bloody dull these days.