I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

I’m sorry but if some internet bloke I’ve never met tells me to ‘calm down’ after I calmly told them I didn’t like a sexual comment he’d made - I’d be judging him to be a bit of bellend and not for me at best, and a patronising misogynist at worst

What was his profile like? Was it full of cars, shirtless shots, and selfies at the gym?

If you're not sure what you're doing don't start talking dirty...

I didn’t! 🤪

Perhaps what we’re really saying is these two people are incompatible and it’s good to find out early. Next!

Yes the ‘calm down’ was the deciding factor ultimately. If he’d simply said “Misread the room there, my bad” I’d still have been open to meet, although my expectations would have been lower.
I could have looked past him misreading my comments, although as I have explained (50 thousand) times we are both athletes (me ex athlete) and train regularly. I’ve talked protein intake before and this context is was in no way suggestive.

I did, not sure why you say that? If you're talking about them being into fitness even less reason to tell a man protein will make him strong.

Not at all, I wouldn’t be attracted to a man like that.

I can’t believe someone on here has called you a prick tease! Actually I can as it’s Mumsnet.

Good riddance to creepy bloke.

That's the whole point

YANBU to not go on the date, but YABU to imply that women who dress more ‘provocatively’ deserve to receive sexual comments and what is basically sexual harassment just because they present themselves as sexual beings. Internalised misogyny.

What’s the whole point? You’ve narrowed the market down to a few people and then I guess you’ve got to marry one of them? Is that the whole point? Or could you have burned out some good ones too? Collateral damage I guess.

Honestly, I’d feel put off too. It’s not even about being against flirting, it’s the fact that you haven’t met yet and he’s already making assumptions like that. You’re not wrong for feeling differently about the date now.

Well done OP. You’ve dodged a huge bullet and saved yourself time and money. The “calm down” response from him was immature and uncalled for. The fact that he blocked you shows you did exactly the right thing. Have a peaceful evening free of moronic men 💐

Nor would I. Was the conversation very decent and platonic in the run up? You mentioned that you were never suggestive. Could he have clumsily been trying to inject some romantic tension into what was effectively a athlete peer to peer penpal dynamic?

Well done for following your gut instinct, OP.
His ‘lifting’ comment would have left me uncomfortable as well. Plus, for me it’s not just about him implying he wants sex - it’s also that his humour is off and that makes him seem less appealing. Flirting in a more subtle way would have been much more attractive.
Also, his ‘calm down’ comment is awful, especially so early on in a ‘relationship’.

Well, it does sound suggestive. He’s not a toddler so why are you telling a grown man how to be strong? Definitely agree with others here.

But I do agree with your feeling of being pur off. His reaction with giving, cheeky chappy, it’s just banter, unserious FWB hook up vibes. Not for me.

Really sorry I have come down with an awful migraine. Will be in touch when I feel better.

Who’d have guessed that one day a protein pancake would be a knee trembler of this magnitude. It makes me think of my fan dance in a completely different light.

What a creep. I recommend Burned Haystack Dating Method.

Sounds like he's had a lucky escape !

Conversation was not suggestive previously but was no platonic. We both made it clear we found each other attractive.

Could he have clumsily been trying to inject some romantic tension into what was effectively a athlete peer to peer penpal dynamic?

No I think he was trying to test the waters and got his foot burnt. I’m not sure why he decided to test just a few hours before we were due to meet for the first time, the timing was awful. I felt like he was trying to set the tone for the evening ahead and it put pressure on me (whether that was his intention or not). I really didn’t want him bringing sex up in person the first time I met him because it was would make me uncomfortable, so I felt the need to nip it in the bud. Hence the direct message.

ONly one course of action...LTB!

For the love of God don't send him anything of the sort - it would make him salivate!