I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

Then you KNOW KNOW KNOW that your gut was right! You have totally swerved a bad one there. Disappointing but such a lucky escape.

Even without the innuendo the "calm down" told you all you needed to know about him. Bullet dodged.

Well done OP and hopefully now he'll think twice on how he speaks to women.

I agree, he was trying to move it into very definitely sexual territory before the date started. It does put pressure on you, you might not like him on the date but he's already set the tone and the expectations. It does create pressure.
If some bloke I'd never met told me to calm down I'd feel so mental angry, I think you were pretty measured.

I think you are right. He jumped the gun. He should have simply waited for the date and had swagger in person. He's a junior practitioner. You were right to throw this one back.

Oh I think you’re absolutely right. I think he was totally hoping for sex. Best way to manage that expectation is to make the first date a day time date. A coffee, a walk, my parter and I went to the zoo on one of our first dates 😜. Was very cute.

So are you still going on the date? I can't be bothered to scroll.

Trust your instincts. Do not go. A lovely man once told me that a man, at the start, should be ‘way up there’ trying to impress you. If he starts low, he’ll only go lower.
Block.

A possible cack handed attempt at flirting? Gone wrong i ageee..
When we first met in the very early days texting I mentioned I was off in the bath. He text asking for pics. I sent one of the taps.

Irl he apologised and said he thought thats what everyone expected 'these days '.. he has never asked again in 14 years!

Id have sent him a dick pic off the internet and said you're ok with trans girls yes? 😂

@Jtfrtj

This is how I feel. I replied;
“My reply was calm and I literally said I knew you were joking, I only asked that you not bring the topic up since we’ve never met. Let’s just leave it actually I don’t appreciate the ‘calm down’ remark. Get home safe and have a good evening.” (He mentioned he was driving home from another city)

Well done and impressive decision making. I think it's easy to let people pressure you with the 'it's only a joke line' but to me it's about what behavior I want in a partner. I expect someone to treat others with respect. Sexualised joking with someone you don't know is disrespectful and not funny. It shows their character from the start. Wouldn't bother many people but then that's how they end up married to people like ....

Thank you

"Urgh, sorry love, thats
put me right off. I'm going to pass on meeting later, have a nice day"

I was in a relationship for 7 years previously- our first date was daytime at a zoo too! Hopefully the next one is an animal lover 😂

OP's remark def could've been taken as suggestive and that's obv what the guy thought - she was flirting.
I think OP got cold feet. Fair.
But. "Calm down." ????
Buh- bye.

I’m a fitness person, on 120g of protein a day with creatine supplements. I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone, let alone a fellow fitness enthusiast, that eating protein pancakes would make them strong. It’s a weird thing to say to someone who takes their nutrition and fitness seriously, and as I expect you know, factually incorrect.

I wouldn’t have liked the sexual innuendo either but if someone had said to me that protein pancakes would make me strong I’d have been sufficiently confused that I’d have probably made an awkward comment in return too!

Totally agree about the calm down comment though. Rude. Best to forget about him. Good luck with the next one hope he’s better! And enjoy your pancakes!

Wouldn't bother many people but then that's how they end up married to people like ....

Exactly. Some posters on here are attempting to make me feel bad by suggesting that he’s had a lucky escape and this is why I’m single etc. But it’s a stupid way of thinking because it’s relatively easy to get married, it’s not easy to find somebody worth marrying. I know more women in unhappy or ‘meh’ marriages than happy ones, their husbands are not prizes. I’d rather stay single than cast aside red flags for the sake of a relationship status.

Love that 🤣

Obviously it went downhill and he showed that he cant handle a small confrontation with grace, but the original comment would have made laugh and flirt back.

Now all I’m thinking of are animal innuendos 🤪

Seriously though you can cut through this crap by meeting up quickly and ensuring it’s a daytime date. Then there are zero opportunities for masses of clumsy messaging and evening dates leading to sex. Make clear they know you couldn’t possibly know if you fancy anyone until you meet them and if they try to cancel the daytime date and force it into the evening that’s a definite red flag.

Good luck OP xx

Factually incorrect? Jesus. The “pancakes will make you strong” comment was me being ironic and tongue in cheek, as I expect you know.. I don’t know why people are taking it so literally.

Thank you, but I think I am pancaked out for tonight. Don’t think I’ll look at them the same way for a while now 😂

I'd still reconsider... he might have postponed it for an hour because he wanted some time for pxrn first before meeting you, since he hoped he could perhaps get his needs met with you. But when he realized he might not, he may have thought he needs some time with pxrn first. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't rule it out. Now having urges/needs or whatever isn't wrong per se, but if it's to that degree, I wouldn't be surprised if he will raise the topic again very soon. And if you're unlucky, he might bring it up in a situation where things can get unsafe.

I agree with you.

Congratulations on dodging a bullet. There's some good TV on later too.

Ok so you know they all just want sex and are filtering their comments until they get what they want from you. Ok. All he did was show his hand too soon then. If that’s not for you then you made the right decision.