I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

“ many a true word spoken in jest “

a well known and wise idiom OP

He was trying to save face at that point as he’d just been scolded. That’s what people do. They get defensive 🤦🏼‍♀️

What on earth is a protein pancake though?!

😅a protein pancake is essentially a healthier alternative to traditional pancakes made from protein powder, eggs and a banana. I make them after training, it helps me to reach my target protein intake per day.

He could have just apologised and said he didn't mean it literally.

What a ridiculous post. 🙄 The OP saying protein will make him strong was not suggesting in any way that she wanted him to be strong so he can lift her in bed! For goodness sake. Tell me you're a man without telling me you're a man!

How rude.

No where in your original post did it mention that you both train and weight lift. You said it was someone you'd never met and had chatted to online for a couple of weeks.

The fact that you cannot see how different people interpret written text in different ways says all I need to know.

I'm certainly not stupid. I just understand how written prose can be misconstrued. It's why people study literature.

You apologise when you think you did something wrong. This is so obviously one of those fuck ups where he thought he was flirting and the OP thought he was being a prick. To really analyse this in context we’d need to see all the messages that went back and forth. Judging someone on one of two messages within an exchange is never going to be accurate.

You said nothing to provoke that comment but at least now you know what he is expecting. From what I hear, that is not unusual.

Oh, purlease🙄

Good on ya, OP. He messed up.

I mean surely you were intending to block him if you weren't interested, are you childish too?

Don’t put words in my mouth. I see no need to block anyone unless I’m being harassed.

I wasn’t expecting a response as such, although from a grown man in his 30s I think a simple “No worries take care” would have sufficed nicely.

Ah, thank you!

Saying your pancakes will make him strong does sound like initiating sex talk to me. Why else would someone be telling a grown man that food will make them strong?

I’m not sure if anyone else has mentioned the burned haystack dating method to you? It is an online dating and filtering strategy created by rhetoric professor Dr. Jennie Young. She has groups on FB where she teaches her “rules” for online dating and what type of patterns to look out for to avoid. The name comes from the idea that instead of picking through a massive haystack piece by piece to find a "needle" (a compatible partner), you burn the haystack to the ground so only metal needles remain. The method argues that it is much faster and safer to rule men out based on red flags than to try and rule them in from a curated profile. All I can say is it’s helped me and my family friends a ton with online dating. In your situation the answer would be immediately block, no explanation or second chance. It’s a lot at first to understand but it truly does help seperate out red flags, men just seeking a hook up (unless that’s what you want) and low effort men.

It sounds like you both dodged a bullet. You want someone more thoughtful and serious, he wants someone with a bit more banter. Never the Twain shall meet. Maybe next time just speak to them on the phone and arrange a time and date for coffee.

I agree, presumably they have been flirting or what's the point?

OP can decide he's not for her of course, but I don't think a joke in the context makes him grim. He thought she was throwing out a line for him.

I think the OP is already excellent at burning the haystack down. What happens once you’re left with a few needles?

Yes, but with the info we have, the lack of apology and the attempt to blame her and tell her to 'calm down' is a red flag.

Maybe RTFT?

"someone with a bit more banter"

Oh dear.

So weird isn’t it, how many people have a one track mind and can’t comprehend anything outside of sexual innuendos. As someone who trains regularly I always talk protein intake with both men and women and what foods contribute to strength,
he’s the only one who has offered to lift me up for shag 🙄

‘Banter’ is just another way of saying ‘bullying people’.

Oh yes. Banter is of course synonymous with bullying. I guess we are having good bants now?

Not always, but here it's a synonym for being inappropriate. Dirty talk before you've even met because you thought the person was flirting with you. Come on!

It’s a moving goalpost. A potentially innocuous misunderstanding that turned into a scolding which initiated a defensive comment that led to a goodbye letter that finished with a block. If only people would use their phones for talking.

I think the 'make you strong' comment was quite suggestive - and yes, I am a woman. He clearly misread your intention with it and I can see how.

The real issue is the way he doubled down - any decent man would have apologised. Sounds like you dodged a bullet. 'Calm down' is appalling.