I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

Does it matter?

You probably wont’t be single forever (unless that’s your choice) because not all men are like this thankfully. But those who are sure like to make a show of it.

Alternatively you can follow your advice, give lots of “second chances” to men who introduce their boners to early messaging and still find yourself single as you wasted too much time on red flags.

YANBU. Don’t meet him. That comment shows a lack of class and respect.

Those who are are all over OLD! Which figures, really.

Context is important, she told him to chill on the sex talk, men know that some women do not want this, and she was letting him know that she's one of those women.

He told her to calm down when she expressed discomfort and a boundary, which is something else entirely and a major red flag.

@Jtfrtj you sound like hard work to say the least! Can’t you see that you played a part in this conversation by saying the pancakes ‘will make you strong’? He most likely interpreted this as a bit of flirting and then replied… it wasn’t like he said anything dreadful! IMO it was a bit of a clumsy response that’s all…

The irony of your post is not lost where you said…

“Jesus. Why are so many people taking the f'ing pancake remark so literally? Do I live in an alternative universe where irony and tongue-in-cheek remarks only exist there?”
and
“He said he wanted to try some (as a joke). I joked back sure, they'll make you super strong heh heh heh. Banter.”
^^
Christ.

You’ve written it was a joke and banter but suddenly it’s not when you’ve decided it isn’t. You should join a book club and not do online dating just incase anyone dares to flirt. What kind of relationship are you looking for btw? Platonic and obviously non sexual in every way I assume…

I could definitely make innuendo out of pancakes and protein.

Pancake - referring to your genitals and eating remarks

Protein- doesn't take a genius to get from there to ejaculate

I'm a 43 year old widow with a child and I'd be laughing away, flirting and loving the joke

Good call OP.
Calm down🙄
To a woman?
Brave and stupid🙄
Daytime meets for a walk and coffee completely weeds out a lot of losers according to my nieces and nephews.

They are both into fitness and athletics. Why would her talking about meal prepping protein pancakes be taken sexually?

And it appears OP is looking for a serious relationship. Not a man just looking to have sex and run away.

Good Lord…

So now you know he's only meeting you to hook up.
Sadly this is what 99.9% of online dating is. Men expecting sex and nothing else.
It's why I no longer go on online dating sites because most of them are married and nearly all of them think it's free sex.

Yep. My experience of OLD is it is mainly men looking for free sex workers.

I wouldn't have thrown away the whole date over one comment. Jeezo, it wasn't even that sexualised. Unclench.

There's a distinction between "flirting" and "sexual innuendo". While "I'll make you stronger could be interpreted as "flirting" by some (not by me) "I'll lift you in bed is" blatant sexual innuendo.

@Cornetto98 I don't know if you're man or woman but if you cannot distinguish between "flirting" and "unsolicited sexual innuendo" you might want to take a step back from OLD and the dating scene in general just to avoid messy situations.

I'm a 43 year old widow with a child and I'd be laughing away, flirting and loving the joke

With all due respect how is that relevant?

Protein- doesn't take a genius to get from there to ejaculate

Grow up. I’m an ex athlete who trains 5 days a week, protein intake is a big issue part of my lifestyle which he well knows as a current athlete. Call me humourless all you want but If you’re happy with a man you’ve never met potentially referencing your protein intake to ejaculation it doesn’t make it sound you sound like you have a sense of humour, more so that you lack respect for yourself.

That joke from someone you been dating 6 months: good.

That joke from someone you've never met: creepy.

I was trying to show that while for you and your experiences what you said isn't an innuendo, that for others it could easily be so.

I did already post earlier to say that I agreed with your reaction to his reaction, even if I personally wouldn't have found his original comment inappropriate

You should do whatever you feel most comfortable doing. I do think though that this is one of the reasons that protracted messaging (you guys have been messaging for 2 weeks before first meetup?) is not great because it can, and evidently has, create a off-kilter sense of closeness which isn't real. It's just messy. Better to message basically to arrange to meet up.

@Jtfrtj perhaps you should share the contact of this man with this poster? They are clearly compatible with each other.

I agree with you, ideally I wouldn’t message someone for this long either for the reasons you mention. However we were both busy beforehand.

10/10 - that is an excellent response - wish I could think up responses like that!

Warning - daft old bat comment incoming - when I was young we met the opposite sex at discos, dances, parties, the pub, the workplace, through friends. Do younger people not do any of these things any more?

Telling him you will make him protein pancakes to make him strong. ( as if to imply him as weak)
Asking him a question with 'no' at the end ( very cringe)
Telling him your reply was calm (when you're fuming inside)
Telling him to get home safe (as if he may have an accident)

I'd say its him who's dodged a bullet.