I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

It would put me off. I gave someone the benefit of the doubt once and met him for a daytime coffee after he suddenly sent me quite sexual messages out of the blue. In reality he seemed really nice and we got on but I couldn’t get over the messages. When I told him he said, Sorry I misread the signals. I looked back at the messages between us beforehand and there was absolutely no hint that I was up for that. Maybe some women are. If you think about it, a lot of people meet up for just a hook up and have sex straight away.

Very presumptuous message. He clearly has one thing on his mind...wide berth here, I think!

How is any of that relevant?

You remark about "making him strong" could have easily been misread, too

Yes, the OP gave us the 3dited vet

I think you handled it really well. Ignore the posters who seem to think you "asked for it" by making jokey pancake batter banter

Or maybe she would have had an open and honest conversation early doors and realised they aren’t compatible. I don’t think it’s fair in any relationship to play guessing games and make them guess what you want to see if they meet specific criteria that you haven’t shared with them. If you are in a dating app there is an expectation that you are looking for a physical relationship in one form or other and I would say that if you don’t feel comfortable talking about how you feel about that with someone you’ve matched with then this probably isn’t a great match for either of you. Different strokes for different folks.

OP managed to weed out someone not worth the time quite quickly. I think the method worked well (even if that was not the intention).

Also, dick pics? Just block, women don't need to get better at handling stuff like that.

You dodged a bullet there, OP.

I think you will find it very difficult to date online of you assume people are going to avoid flirting and chatting sex. You remark about "making him strong" could have easily been misread, too. Ultimately, I assume you are going to have sex with someone you like, so why pretend it is completely off the cards?

You are not a free flirt and chat sex line. If someone is serious about finding a long relationship and not just having sex and running away, they won't be going on about sex before you have even met- what if you meet up, you don't fancy the person and you don't want to do it! I'm pretty sure women are not spamming men with sexy talk for fear they won't step up to the plate. Men are, especially ones who are all about the sex and not about relationships.

Join burned haystacks FB forum or buy the book, find a nice man who knows its rude to talk sex before you met a person and go from there. Weed out the ones only after sex or who just want to flirt/talk sex and won't even turn up immediately and give yourself time and energy to find someone nice. If you want FWB/hookup, it might be different but interesting intelligent men looking for committed relationships aren't making stupid sex jokes before they have met you, they are finding a date to go out and turning up.

@localnotail Ultimately, I assume you are going to have sex with someone you like, so why pretend it is completely off the cards?

That's not what she's doing though, she's not pretending that having sex would be off the cards if she met and liked him, she's saying sex talk is off the cards until later, at least until after they've met!!

I've been on Bumble and Hinge and I've never got a dick pic. If you hang around making sexy chat with randos, the likelihood will go up you start to get unsolicited pics. I don't get them and anyone that asks me for pics gets blocked immediately, again, I'm not a free sex chat line or a source of light entertainment for bored men. I did not know this but some men get off on getting sexy pics from a real woman even though they can access porn at any time, so again, block to burn (haystack terminology).

It's so much nicer doing online dating with a clear set of rules and a game-plan. I found a LTR within a couple of weeks doing this.

It's not a relationship, they hadn't even had a date yet.

I would always hold back from telling them my specific criteria before I've even met someone, because many men would just lie and say 'oh I'd never do that' or 'of course I'd do that' if they want to make you think they've met your criteria so that you go on a date with them. I would much rather they reveal themselves to me first so I can suss them out.

It's not about not feeling comfortable sharing how you feel about that, I wouldn't be uncomfortable sharing how I felt about it, I just wouldn't want to and would rather let them reveal themselves.

Personally I don't think I'd have an issue with the 'lift you' comment anyway but the OP did, but the 'calm down' crap is a HUGE red flag for me and instant dealbreaker.

I wouldn't tell a man that at the texting stage either, not because I wouldn't be comfortable saying so, but just because I would rather see if he reveals that crap to me early on, such as talking about all his 'crazy exes' etc rather than being on his best behaviour pretending he had loads of respect for women, if I told him that was what I expected in a man.

I’ll wager he’ll unblock, come back and have a go at her soon.

Hope you stayed home.

I doubt, she's really hurt this mans fragile ego, first with the "you're not strong enough" comment and then basically calling him a creep for the unsolicited sexual innuendo. I bet you 20 pounds he's not unblocking.

That would be why.

You told him to chill, he told you to calm down.
To me its basically the same thing.

No man comes back when you crush his ego, unless the guy is a psycho or a malign narcissist then yes, he may try to love bomb you back just to cruelly dump you later just to show you who has the last laugh.

In any case this man is no good so even if he unblocks (which he won't) the OP should drop him back in the sea because he has the emotional maturity of a 5 yr old.

I meant to berate her not to have another crack.

Nah... men are too practical, he's probably busy matching up with other protein cookie makers as I type this.

Men who bring up sex early are a block to burn for me.

Experience has shown me they are only after one thing.

This echoes my experience of OLD. 9.9999 times out of 10, men try and get sex into the conversation within the first few messages. At least you'd arranged to meet this one. I get the impression most of them really just want some dirty talk and a wank.

I get this despite not responding to that kind of thing AT ALL. I am not going to start being all sexy with someone I've never met. Yuck.

Anyway looks like I'll be single forever!

I love this! 😂

Love. This.

Why does total number of suitors have to affect the standards one holds?