I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

I was so wishing the guy would apologise to OP for overstepping her boundary. Well done OP @Jtfrtj for holding the line. Isnt it sad that when another bites the dust for once again falling short of your expectations?

I used to date potentials and overlook for so many red flags. And that has cost me in the long run. Now at the back of mind I will communicate my reservations then step back and see how they react. And their reactions tell you a lot.

🤣🤣🤣

The common theme with men that want to talk sex but also date you is they’re insecure. Interesting, intelligent, secure men don’t feel the need to try and ‘lure’ women into bed with their giant penises and sexual prowess, which they tell you allllll about. Either that or how much money they have or flashing the cash.

Everythong seems so speeded up.witb online dating. Flirty texts are part and parcel.of this culture.

I don't think you should be offering him baked goods on a first date either though.

I'd be making it clear that the pancakes and a bedroom room isn't on the agenda, if you still want to go on the date.

I can't believe all the cool girl responses on this thread telling you you overreacted. Well done OP!

I'm following the Burned Haystack method of dating and sex talk before meeting is a definite block to burn.

Well done, OP. I’ve caught up with your posts and see you did not get trapped into giving him the benefit of the doubt. He entrenched himself in his lewd gauchness and did not apologise.

Good for you, OP. I think you handled it beautifully.

I don't think you should be offering him baked goods on a first date either though.
I'd be making it clear that the pancakes and a bedroom room isn't on the agenda

Jesus. Why are so many people taking the f’ing pancake remark so literally? Do I live in an alternative universe where irony and tongue-in-cheek remarks only exist there?

I mentioned I was making protein pancakes with my supplement protein powder I use for training. He said he wanted to try some (as a joke). I joked back sure, they’ll make you super strong heh heh heh. Banter. 🙄

Christ.

I wouldn't have suggested my food would make him super strong as it lent itself to his reply. At the same time his response would have had me running for the hills

How is the pancake thing banter? Where is the joke in saying a pancake will make you strong?I’d definitely take that as suggestive.

That’s separate to him and his reaction which is an ick.

That would put me off too, it is so presumptuous even though I know they're trying to be cheeky/playful. It's like they are always trying to move it on much faster and it actually does the opposite.
I was due to go to a spa with a guy and he made a comment about seeing me in a bikini that made me feel so objectified, I didn't even reply and that was that. I think they shoot themselves in the foot.

Did it though? People choose their responses and, IMO, the potential date knew very well what he was doing with that response.
He is either trying his luck or has no idea of what some women consider to be appropriate.

I would be completely put off by this. It’s inappropriate and presumptuous. It indicates someone lacking in manners or finer feelings (and, dare one say it, class.)
I guess he’s told you what he is looking for in this relationship.

You are not overreacting and this is your excellent instinct protecting you.

Good job! Block to burn 🔥

You're blaming the OP?

Really?

WTAF??

Massive ick.

No baked goods on first dates - a child is born from the twisted world of online dating and it is beautiful 😂

I love testing how men respond to some light ribbing and emasculation like "pancakes will make you strong" implying he isn't strong 😂

Some recommended reading
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/197036073-how-to-piss-off-men
as a fellow sporty person (but nowhere near an athlete) from this book I like "do you have any friends that can recommend a gym?" and "you look like you'd be a slow runner"

I wouldn't have read much into it except clumsy flirting.

If you'd been enjoying talking before and had things in common, I'd have met for the date and gone by how I felt meeting him in person.

I mean, his original remark was weird and crass. Trying to shoehorn sex into the conversation.

But then he doubles down with the "calm down" line??! Eeeew, that is not a man I would want to spend a date with, never mind anything more.

huge amount of potential suitors and this guy is just number 2 in a list of a hundred

What are you talking about?

You should have messaged, 'Yeah I'm going to call our first born Fleur after one of the pancake ingredients' Nudge Nudge

That works with a
? Liverpudlian accent...

I'm getting deja vu vibes. Are you the same poster who ditched a man she'd been seeing for a few dates because he didn't cook a homemade meal from scratch?