I have a first date in a few hours, now he’s texted me something that’s put me off

[Jtfrtj]

I have a first date tonight with a man I’ve never met, we started talking online. He knows I’m very into cooking/baking, and just now while texting him I told him I made some protein pancakes. He asked if he could have some, I joked back that I would make him some, and because they’re protein pancakes they will make him strong. He replied “Strong so I can lift you in bed yeah 😏?”. I’ve never even met this man before. Now I feel that expectation and pressure for sex is there now and feel less excited about meeting him. It also feels very presumptuous of him, like he thinks because I’ve agreed to a date I’m up for sexual activity. I’ve not texted back yet because I’m not sure I want to go now.

For context; I have never made any sexual remarks towards him before or him to me, we have been talking for almost two weeks. I am conventionally attractive but I am not provocative in how I dress or how I present myself online. Most of my photos online are of my travel pictures, scenery and food etc. I don’t think I do anything to invite these remarks or give off the impression that I’d be into that so prematurely, but for some reason men will always try and initiate a conversation about sex before the first date. I’m getting tired of it. Am I overreacting?

I wish I was born in your era, honestly. It is a minefield. The online dating scene has made men
feel like they’re shopping in a big candy shop. It’s turned into a numbers game and they lack respect for us now because we’re easily disposable. If he’s not getting what he wants from one woman quickly enough they’ll be on to the conquest, who’s available at the tap of his phone.

I think you have had a very lucky escape. At least he showed his true colours before you had the embarrassment of spending the evening with him.
The fact that he blocked you instead of apologising tells you everything.
I can imagine you’re disappointed that he turned out to be a pig after a promising start.
Probably the advice to meet the next person during the day is sensible.
And there’s nothing wrong in knowing you’re attractive for heaven’s sake!
Better luck next time.

It's interesting to know that a man telling a woman to "calm down" is still attractive to some people.

Probably old age talking, but that “lol” would have sealed his fate anyway, even had the preceding sentence been a quotation from John Donne.

I could've got past his clumsy attempt at a "joke" (although I agree with PP he was likely trying to set the tone and work out if it was worth buying condoms today or not) but his follow up text to your response to said "joke'? Nah I'd be having a night in, you made the right call

Always see these threads too late and all resolved so scarcely worth commenting but very glad it ended at "calm down".

Im so sorry that you 've had to deal with such crap on here.

My children are late 20s/early 30s. They've all met their partners in the 'usual' way, ie friends of friends, parties etc. I think that the whole online dating this is horrendous. I've tried it and I have met some total lunatics! There's no recourse, you will not know anyhing about the potential partner.

I wish you luck. It's no fun out there.

Why do they always do that… ick! I don’t like sexual remarks before I’ve met someone either.

People date to ultimately have sex.

Stereotypically men tend to want this to happen faster than women but women still want this, else they wouldn’t be dating.

But FFS rule number 1 is to not talk about sex before even meeting!
Men ruin it for themselves.

If you had gone 2 weeks without him bringing it up and he thought you had brought it up with your strong comment, then I probably would have let it slide and changed the conversation and still met up, hoping it was a clumsy comment.

But you were right to put your boundaries in place and the rest of the conversation proves that you guys are incompatible.

I think there’s a balance between having your boundaries and having a set idea of what you’re looking for vs remembering that everyone is only human and there’s no such thing as perfect.

You should not have engaged in exchanging texts.

The best thing to do was ignore the innuendo and not meet him.

(although I too did wonder what 'lift you in bed' meant. I thought my sex life must have been vanilla for decades.)

No point getting wound up over men and comments like his.
Far more dignified to say nothing, block and move on.

You were pretty aggressive in your texts to him

I was not once passive aggressive with him, I was point blank direct and very clear. Do you understand the definition of passive aggressive?

And then you also say “The best thing to do was ignore the innuendo” 😂😂

Nevermind, it’s too easy.

Omg ignore the people saying you were being suggestive. It's ridiculous that anyone mind would go straight to sex like there aren't other things someone would like to be strong for🤦‍♀️

I just personally would have been confused by the protein pancakes comment and wouldn’t have known what to say in return!

Agreed. OP was absolutely right to cancel but her text is odd. His response was yuck and also weird "lift you in bed"???

Oh hell no!

At least you found out he's one of those men! They give so much away about themselves with those stupid little comments like 'calm down'.

Where is the word 'passive' in my post?

It says 'pretty'.

I had an almost identical scenario with OLD the other week. I binned him. Some women may like sex talk before meeting (feels unlikely though) but I certainly don't.

I’m so impressed with how you’ve handled yourself OP, taking no crap and keeping your standards high! Well done and hope a decent bloke is out there for you, you deserve one. 👏

My mistake for rushing through all the posts on here but you’re still wrong.

My messages were not aggressive of any sort, I was calm and polite but direct. I was dignified in my response. Also as a grown woman I take responsibility and tell somebody I have plans with
exactly why I will not be meeting them that evening (whether they deserve that decency or not) Cancelling with 3 hours notice with no explanation or ‘ghosting’ is cowardly.

Thank you

What, the outrageous standard of having actually met the man in person? 😄

Did you tell him why? How did he respond?

Well - clearly he was testing your boundaries and was most likely hoping for sex on first or second date. Good for you for the way you handled it - pressing the NEXT! button was the right call .

Plus why shouldn't we be calling out men on their behaviour?! I'd absolutely want this guy to know exactly why I'd binned him off.

Same here, all the younger members of my family and the adult children of my friends met their partners in real life and not on dating apps. it sounds like a hell pit out there. I am too old for dating which makes me feel a sense of relief. If I i do get lonely I just have to read some of the threads on here.

Don’t go. You don’t want Pancake Popeye anywhere near you ever.