Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

The problem is that when things go wrong/don't happen, it's the women that get the blame. So women are in a lose-lose situation.

I do agree with a lot of this tbf. And most can be blamed on the dreaded social media - the insta perfect influencers have a lot to answer for!

I have always put a lot of effort into making Christmas and birthdays special but have never bought into the collective social media hype - no Elf on the Shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, matching PJs or a North Pole breakfast. I have never taken any of my three DC to see Santa. I don't know what a light trail is. But they all appear to have survived to teenage and young adulthood unscathed by these shortcomings, and look forward to our own (much more low key) family traditions.

I think the phrase 'making memories' should be banned tbh. As should most of social media, but that's a whole other debate!

Who blames women.... Not the men on the whole. ...

Well said!

It's gob-smacking to see women being told wholesale that they're the ones to blame for Christmas being stressful, while men are being entirely excused or even praised for gross incompetence, selfishness, and just plain shitty behaviour.

I don't think most women go above and beyond with all the bells and whistles unless they want to - but if you have a big family, even the basics can be stressful if the burden is all on one person, and saying 'just don't do anything' really isn't helpful.

I love Christmas. The scale at our house is not as you describe. It IS wonderful and memorable. It takes effort, but I’m not stressed about it. And I do know that if I didn’t make Christmas happen, my husband would do fuck all. It would never occur to him to do anything except buy our children one cheap present each. That’s fine, I happy to do it. Maybe SOME women are as you describe, but the problem is unrealistic expectations. Even Mary Berry and Martha Stewart have large staffs to help them.

Absolutely!

That's brilliant

I don't get the 'just do what is necessary' argument - Christmas itself isn't 'necessary' - unless you're particularly religious I suppose. It's hugely important culturally to many people, and the rituals and traditions and symbols tied up with it have enormous meaning to many. We've had feast days, ritual, ceremony etc since pre-history days. For me, and most though not all people I know, Christmas is the last really big example of that.

So yes, there's a load of commercialised nonsense layered on top. Light trails and elf on the shelf are newer of course they are, but the concept of light in the darkness and belief (whether real belief or make believe) in magic/ magical creatures is pretty universal. I don't bother with either - the elf freaks me out and there's other Christmas experiences I'd rather put the money towards, but I can see where they've come from.

Even if you stripped all the 'commercialised' stuff back - it's still work. Christmas is supposed to be about family, friends, community, getting together, sharing etc. So of course for a lot of people that involves hosting. I'd argue it's the 'just do exactly what you want with your own little family' idea that's new, not the big get togethers and meals. And they take work - it's a feast day, it's not supposed to be beans on toast, if that's what you prefer then have at it, but you can't blame 'women' for the idea that special days get special meals. Saying 'you shouldn't complain it's too much work, just buy some presents and fill the stockings put up a tree and cook a meal and remember to put a drink and mince pie out for Father Christmas' - well that's not nothing is it? Whatever your 'minimum' standard is, the work should be shared.

Also - one the one hand this thread is arguing against all the terrible commercialisation and landfil tat etc, on the other it's saying that making your own decorations or stuffing or bread sauce is ridiculous - just buy them if you want them. Can't have it both ways.

If I didn't bother doing the stuff I do for Christmas, people absolutely would notice and care. Would they be bothered if the tree wasn't as pretty as usual, or we didn't have the lovely smelling candles or best tablecloth? Probably not, but I like those things and I'm a person in this family too. But everyone here wants the board games and the special food and the baking and the Christmas cake and the stockings and the family get together etc - so yes I expect them to partake in making that happen.

Ooooh! That's a good quote. Need to get reading....

I can't find the data on that but there are studies that show women are judged much more harshly about things like untidy rooms. There was no data on the balance of sexes doing the judging. I don't know if women judge Christmas stuff harshly, if that comes under the same 'domestic competence' umbrella?

Actually, they do.

And it's like blaming women for cleaning or helping their children with their homework. The problem isn't that women do too much, the problem is that men don't do enough so women bear too much of the responsibility.

I can't imagine why any grown woman would pay any heed to the kind of person who judged them for an untidy room. If anyone I knew exhibited that kind of behaviour, that's just a sign to put them into the box of "people whose opinions don't matter".

Well, I agree but it's a real thing and for some people it might matter I guess.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised after being ill one year I could have a great and more relaxing Xmas without all the add ons- we save the money and go away at new year instead - still have a nice tree, decorate shelves, nice dinner , presents and stockings, invite elderly parent - but with adult kids there isn’t the pressure I guess either coming from other competitive parents as to who has the most crammed in - I think that’s part of it too -

This thread has inspired me to put myself first. There has been a lot of drama in the family which always rears up more over xmas, and I just can't be doing with it. Who goes where and when and with whom, lots of hand wringing and secretiveness. Its pathetic really. Also, its me buying for eleventy million 'kids' who are adults, and only getting one present back. We were doing secret santa this year which I was thrilled about, now Ive just heard thats not happening. Its the final straw for me.

Im ND. I dont like christmas anyway - the endless socialising rammed into a few days, present buying, loud noises and twinkly lights, and I am also missing some estranged loved ones. Its a sensory stressful and emotional nightmare. Id rather just forget it existed tbh. So the secret santa news that i just got just pushed me over the edge and Ive just told people im not doing it. Im just going to hang with my DP and his kids. I will see the others a week before or after. Sorted.

There will be backlash and I will be selfish, but Im playing the ND card on this one and putting myself first for once.

How many families actually really enjoyed that year when Boris cancelled Christmas? I know it was difficult for some for various reasons… but we absolutely loved it. We were stuck at home with loads of food. Did a daytime walk and chatted at people’s doors. It was lovely,

My son snuck in, we had a simple and lovely day.

Yawn

Where do you draw the line, though? What do you get rid of?
The whole of the season means more work, one way or another.
I envy religions who don't celebrate it, I really do.

Are we boring you?
Who is to blame in your opinion?

Hmmmm...well in my experience whilst I agree with the OP, can I say that as my Mum left me and my siblings when I was 11(the youngest), I was with my Dad and Xmas was shit. I can remember crying Xmas day aged 13, as my brother stayed with a friend, my sister had left home and my dad went to the pub at midday with his mates. I phoned my Mum (who was 300 miles away with her NEW boyfriend who worked Xmas day) and even she said well it's only another day like a Sunday...... It has never left me - that total feeling of being on my own, no Xmas dinner and I can't even remember a present to be honest. So yes, I do as a Mum to try to make wonderful memories for my children.

I make lovely memories for my child too. Bit that doesn't involve me stressing about the next place for Elf, wondering how I'm going to afford to take her to a grotto, to a winter wonderland. Fretting about a special breakfast and filling a box with crafts and clothes, getting to a light trail ...or worry about making sure we're all matching PJs etc etc ...and it's women that are doing all this through perceived pressure from others or SM, and inherent people pleasing trait in not wanting to upset Uncle Brian who always wants lumpy mash but does fuck all to ensure that it happens etc etc

We make biscuits, have silly traditions, have a relaxing time, go for Oooh-Aahhhh drives/walks etc.

I always used to love Christmas as a child and young adult.
I found I had begun to find it stressful and less enjoyable and then I realised why. It was DH his moaning and negativity was really bringing me down.
The year I found myself saying to him, It's far too early for you to start moaning about Christmas was a bit of a turning point for both of us. He moans less and I refuse to let him affect my natural christmas enthusiasm.
We have a fairly quiet Christmas, my DC were born before the elf and matching pj's. My DC and one partner will be here DD and I will have fun baking, board games and cooperative computer games will be played. There will be roast chicken and pavlova.