Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

[Thisusernameisalwaysavailable]

Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

ha ha snap!

So I have never saw the point of a starter on Christmas day, there is already so much food. I bought one ready made one once because it was something I really wanted to eat. But normally nope.

We buy a ready made beef wellington, stick in the oven. Dp and I peel some veg and roast it and I buy some ready made stuff from m and s. Then a ready made dessert and Xmas pudding. I love Xmas pudding and am the only one who eats it. Buy a Christmas cake because I love it.

Buy and decorate a real Xmas tree because I love it. We don't bother with other decorations. I buy crackers, and have a tablecloth for Christmas bought years ago.

Dp does his families presents and cards and I do mine. I have a tiny tiny family so hardly do anything. We stopped buying each other presents long ago.

And we go to events we enjoy. I love a carol concert. The expensive Christmas experiences are rarely the best anyway. It's often the local low key ones that are best. Our local church also do a Christmas tree festival with refreshments like mulled wine, donations to charity, and local kids signing festive songs. It's a lovely community event. The local Christmas light switch on is fun with some stalls.

The big stress comes from hosting and buying presents. You have to buy presents for kids but we pared back wider presents buying early on. Also the cost of it for some people is very stressful. I know my mum struggled to buy us anything at Christmas and it was a stress for her. As a young child I got for Christmas things like one doll.

Ignore Instagram. Ignore any big expensive Christmas experiences unless you know you will actually enjoy it. Ignore themed Christmas decorations unless you love doing it and have loads of money.

This is a female-dominated website. I'm sure many men might feel the same - especially if they were the ones who would be hosted, and instead might be expected to sort out their own Christmas.

Haven’t RTFT.

I just can’t understand why anyone does any of this shit?

I put up a tree on Dec 1st, buy two presents (two people, one present each) and we have lunch together on the 25th.

Around that we all just get on with our lives.

Up until recently, I would go away over Christmas, but now I’m married I spend it with DH and in-laws.

Very true op. These things didn’t exist 20 years ago and dc were just as happy. Take them to the local church carol service (free, donation appreciated), walk around (or drive, cycle) to look at houses that are decorated taking a flask of homemade cocoa, go to the lights switch on in your town (all our local estate agents give out mulled wine and mince pies free), look at local pubs for brass bands, ours has one come to play carols for a sing along, free though the pub appreciates your custom of course, kids welcome. Go to a city centre and soak in the atmosphere but dc are just as happy with McDonald’s as a fancy meal or the German market fare at £££ though our adult dc and us go to a local Somali owned place which is so reasonable, half the price of the chains in the centre

Yes I realise I mis-worded that. We accept the effort that sustaining a home and human company entails. I don’t think anyone enjoys all the drearier aspects of keeping a home or hosting. It’s a trade-off.

It’s still very possible to resent some of the dreary stuff. Especially when labour is inequitably distributed in a partnership (on average it is, by long way, however delightful OP’s husband may be). Plus, when expectation is imposed by people who are not contributing, resentment mounts.

It's utter nonsense like Trick or Treat. Landfill.

Nope, he sorts most of it out, but gets himself into a flap doing it, and moans at anyone who doesn't get involved, when the children and I just want to veg out and watch Christmas movies. I set the table, and wash up after Christmas dinner. Otherwise he does most of it, which is great, but it's not a very relaxing Christmas

They don’t need a trip to Santa. But my gosh, they will be super disappointed if they don’t get one

Which is why I now do sfa Christmas except sort out the dgc’s presents. DH is perfectly capable of writing cards, Christmas dinner this year will be steak and chips.
No panic, no decorations.

Read your Max Weber, Thorstein Veblen et al. It is the bourgeois expectations of late capitalism that cause us, including both men& women, to identify the purchasing of goods & services as determinants of our identity in society. Modern day marketing is evil & manipulative. It is entirely possible to have a lovely Christmas without falling into the purchasing trap, just be self-aware & share the load

I recall the way my mother and father did Xmas. Very simple but it was always a great day
A small tree, some candles, the "good "plates out for the dinner, crackers and well thought out presents
Thatvwascenoughnto make it special...no Santa themed pyjamas, xmas duvets, trips to an overpriced winter wonderland etc et. It didn't have to b perfect . It was a warm family day
This is the way my husband does it too...we alternate years to organise it....and its so lovely I keep it simple and follow suit !

Have you ever considered that women do these things because they also enjoy them and nobody else is going to plan them for them? Men get to just enjoy them either way but if a woman doesn’t plan and execute… nobody would do it for her

I had the same thought this morning walking round a pumpkin patch at 32 weeks pregnant in the pissing rain - I have only myself to blame for this bullshit 😂

😆

Maybe because a lot of them state the hate it and wish they could pack it in?

I think my advice to anyone starting out now with babies and thinking about what to do for Christmas, is to minimise it. Don't do anything, because everything you do will become a tradition and you won't be able to stop. Even if you want to.

My children are in their 20s, and they still like the Elf, the skating, the eggs benedict, the christmas jumpers, the christmas pjs, the stockings with out names on, the random stupid customs I started and have built up over the years, the standard recipes I use year after year (woe betide me if I decide that I won't be doing the Delia Christmas Log this year), and the christmas crackers with musical instruments in. Oh and the lindt advent calendars. If I stop or miss anything, it's remarked upon.

They do move the Elf if I don't, so I now share the joy of finding him in a ridiculous place.

So my advice is - don't do anything, because 28 years later, you will still be doing it.

(Disclaimer: my kids do the cooking with me, and now buy me presents, so it's not all hard work).

Oh how I needed to read that today. Im an empty nester, never wanted to get with someone with kiddies, and resisted. Long story short, my DP (live together) has two girls, 10 and 12. After years of not doing all that crap, with absolutely zero pressure on me at all, Im starting to look at santa visits, ice skating, magical experiences - their dad doesnt do that stuff, they dont do that stuff, they are only with us every Sunday. Its me! I have no pressure whatsoever and now ive gone and booked a load of crap 'experiences' - why?? I dont know. Cos i feel I should? Cos Im a woman? Its all a bit deep to think about but I feel a bit of a prick now, and Im gonna dial it back before I set a precedence - again - with kids who arent even my own and Im long past all that stuff.
They have a mum and grandparents and all that jazz that do all that Im sure they arent deprived.

Don’t you still think that’s rather fucked up though?

Here’s this thing I don’t enjoy(at best) , everyone else should be doing the same though , otherwise they’re failing at being a decent human being.

But if he doesn’t actually care about Christmas why should he? I am a woman who does not like or wish to participate in any aspect of Christmas, so I simply… don’t. I don’t always even spend it with my partner, on a few occasions I’ve volunteered with the homeless or gone travelling on the other side of the world at Christmas and my partner’s gone to see his family alone. He isn’t particularly bothered about Christmas either but if he was, I wouldn’t be indulging or joining in because it’s not something I want to do.

I have never hosted so much as a dinner party let alone Christmas. I hate cooking, I prefer to see friends and family outside my home by doing things like going to an event together, catching up at the pub or going for a walk, which can be done at any time of the year. Yes, capitalism and the patriarchy and societal expectations and Instagram and exist but they are all easily ignored, I’ve never understood why so many people feel compelled to take any notice of them. I don’t give a shiny shit what sexist relatives or “society” thinks women should do at Christmas or in life. If I don’t want to do something, I simply don’t do it, and that applies to most areas of my life.

I somewhat agree. But it’s the martyrs that get me. If you don’t enjoy all the fuss and work that goes into Christmas then just don’t do it. But don’t say you are up at 6am doing the turkey and rushing around tidying up after the presents and you don’t get a minute to sit down - just sit. The turkey doesn’t need four hours in the oven, other people have hands to help prep, no one cares if there’s a rogue bow in the floor, and no one is expecting a Mrs Alice table scape. Your presents don’t have to resemble works of art. But if you love it? Knock yourself out.

I have tested this theory that everyone else would be happy with less. Even while trying to be respectful of the reasons for why I was scaling back, they still kept adding to the list of necessary decorations, activities, and food. Even multiple years of working to shift things does not change that everyone else really does want all the bells and whistles of the holiday season.

As the woman I can set my limits of how much holiday magic I provide. I have learned to have a thicker skin and know what I can actually handle.

I absolutely reject the idea that it is mothers driving this chaos.

I haven't said otherwise. My point is simply that I don't think it's fair to say it's all silly women who make it unnecessarily stressful for themselves. Many men are just as likely to gripe if their Christmas isn't how they want it to be (thanks to their female relatives, generally).

Gosh that sounds awesome. As long as my DP can be there too! :)

I've refused to travel up and down the country with young kids after doing it once - that cause upset but meant we got to spend day in our house and our beds. Also refused to film all day for others when kids were young.

Refused to do everything every year - bought food and presents over months due to tight money so done in background. Put decorations up very close to 25th and taken down when kids go back to school. Never did elf bullshit - but did try and do fun baking with kids. DH would also cook main meal and we'd do easy buffet syle meals over rest of the period.

However over years had many comments - that it's a shame x and y isn't being done - usually female relatives and all work for me - or even they we are having joint we and bits we want and not always a turkey. The pressure is there but it's tuning it out.

There are other times of year I do end up shoppoing and organising for with less pressure - Hallowean and bon fire night - again Dh does pitch in a bit - but we all enjoy them though they tend to have less wider family and social pressure round them.