Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

People do care. Kids do whine that they don't have what other kids have. Men do whine about having presents and being made to feel special and having dinner exactly how they like it. Grandparents do whine about being "left out".

People expect it, whine when they don't get it, don't value the work that goes into providing it while also not thinking it's their responsibility to provide it. And then still criticise women for doing it.

You have countless threads about men demanding presents costing hundreds, throwing tantrums because they haven't got what they wanted, not buying the OP anything. Kids saying their birthday /Christmas is ruined because their present is wrong. MILs demanding everyone go to them for Christmas because they have to see the kids on the day. Grandparents insisting on being hosted for multiple days because they shouldn't have to travel at Christmas, or they want to drink at Christmas.

We don't do it because we're the only ones that care. We do it because people give us shit if we don't.

And, we actually care about the people around us and want them to be happy.

I've since dropped everyone out of my life that treats me like this or at least reduced contact. Christmas is a lot less stressful now but that's come with accepting that other people are just going to be unhappy about it.

Having a DH that shares the load and doesn't expect to be treated like a special child makes life far less stressful.

Even worse, let’s be honest, it doesn’t stop at Christmas. There’s a billion things that as a woman you MUST do, and do very well in order to be considered a proper adult/wife/mother/fucking saint. The truth is , no one dies and the world doesn’t bloody stop if you just… don’t.

I think if you wish to live in a bare, serviced apartment or hotel room, host no-one, look after no-one, eat ready meals and employ staff to clean and care for you - and never be hosted of course, even when you’re old - well, great, enjoy!

Most of us enjoy the company of people and the effort that entails.

...And so do men.

It's a human capitalism issue, just as much (if not more, historically) driven by men, not something created by women for women.

There is.

No-one is saying don't buy the wanted gifts,or leave auntie Nora alone.

But maybe don't pit pressure on yourself make it all perfect at the cost of your bank balance and mental health 🤷

Presumably the people that enjoy it don’t also cry and melt down over how stressful it is , how awful it is and how much they resent having to do x,y,z and wish they could just pack it in?

I think it's all true; Christmas as we know it would have disappeared without many women. I took a step back a few years ago - fewer presents and cards, minimal (if any!) decorations but still Christmas food, relatives visited before The Day. Nobody batted an eyelid, and the sky didn't fall in, and now Christmas is a very calm affair.

Tbf, when I read posts like the one you quoted, all I can think is, "why does your husband suck so much?"

Honestly, I can't imagine being married to a man who is so utterly useless and disrespectful that he wouldn't be bothered putting in an ounce of effort ahead of a day that only happens once a year, in order to make his family happy. What a waste of space.

What "men's" magazines are promoting how to make the present wrapping look beautiful, or 25 ideas for Christmas side dishes, or Christmas Party Outfit Inspo...

How many male social media influencers are going .... "Here's How I got our family to the real Lapland for under £450pp" ... "join me as I get the kids Christmas Eve boxes ready" .... "here's 10 great stocking fillers I found"... "He's beeeeeen" .... "This is everything I bought for my teen DS" etc etc

I’m afraid I totally agree. Sooo many threads at this time of year about various stresses, so many of which could be avoided. Not all, I grant you, but refusing to pander to commercial shite, demanding in-laws, etc would lighten many people’s load considerably. I’ve never met a man who gave a shit either..

I think Christmas has been incredibly commercialised over the years and lost it's meaning some what along the way.

While it's nice to decorate and brighten up during the darker months christmas commemorates the birth of Jesus yet how many people would realistically spend as much time and effort into doing the same for a family member/loved one's birthday.

We'll be did out some effort in....the kids got presents, people were fed etc

But women don't think that's good enough, because he didn't get the sausage meat for the stuffing and only got a packet mix, or didn't bother with making sure the kids got a toy advent calendar... Or didnt do a themed breakfast, or the 1st December boxes... So what if he goes and does the shopping on Christmas Eve instead of through November? Do the kids care if the iPad was bought the day before or during the sales? No. Does having packet stuffing instead of a home made sausage meat and cranberry one ruin Christmas? No.

... so again, it's women putting the pressure on themselves to make it "perfect", forgetting that it doesn't matter if your kids visited Santa on the 19th, the 24th or not all.

And historically, all women's-focused media has been owned and run by women? And all the advertisements in those magazines and TV shows, and in between YouTube videos, are from women-owned companies?

No? It's a bit shit to blame women for a problem foisted upon them due to a combination of patriarchy and capitalism. Yes, women should stop bowing to social pressure, and men should do much more, but I object to the idea that it's the silly women making Christmas stressful for themselves.

That's exactly the attitude I see so many men take when they employ a combination of weaponised incompetence and indifference to try to get out of lifting a single finger around any important days - they say women are just doing it to themselves, when really they're just being selfish pricks who either like reaping the rewards without doing any of the work, or would be happy for their loved ones to have a half-assed, thoughtless day without any care put into it.

Thank you @bozzabollix , reading that your dog ate your elf made my day 🤣

well but who thinks its "important'? because if its only you then maybe its only important to you? and if its more than you then why don't the others step up? Who made you host 14 people for 3 days?

Me too, I’m 47 and remember Father Christmas visits (we always went to Lewis’ in Manchester) and I remember my dad talking about going to see Father Christmas himself when he was 11 and too old to believe really but he wanted to go. He’d be 88 now if he was still here.

We had lots of decorations, the ‘big food shop’, also in our house the big booze shop. We went to the pantomime and various events - albeit smaller, more local and cheaper ones. We hosted family, many of whom stayed a long while, and Mum cooked a big meal and got stressed about it, and there were also expectations about where we were spending Boxing Day and New Year etc. There were crackers on the table and home made Christmas cake and puddings (made by my nana) and a whole host of extras and extra work too. It was magical as a child and probably my mum thought it was worth it overall, but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t work or that it was my mum’s fault, or her mum’s before her, for ‘choosing it’.

I sometimes feel like I grew up in an entirely parallel universe to a lot of mumsnetters because of all the threads full of stuff nobody ever did back in their day or when they were kids. Ate snacks or processed food (the 80s were full of it), Halloween, new pyjamas for Christmas Eve, or apparently did much of anything for Christmas at all. Very different to what I remember. My MIL does this too, tells me constantly that things didn’t exist or they never had it when hers were young, meanwhile I’m the same age as her kids, grew up in pretty much the same area (though they were posher) and remember all the things she claims were only invented 5 minutes ago.

Bullshit. It's pretty clear you're caping for men, and looking for a way to tear women down.

A man caring so little that he can't be bothered to display basic levels of adult organisation and competence on an important day he knows is upcoming, is pathetic and selfish.

The pp said her DH constantly moans and complains if she expects him to participate in the Christmas present shopping, and that if he had to do Christmas he'd waste money, he wouldn't be capable of grocery shopping, and he wouldn't even be bothered buying a roll of wrapping paper...and you're saying she should be happy with that? That's not about the day being 'perfect' and having extra bells and whistles, that's about having the most basic organisational ability possible, and it shouldn't be stressful or too difficult for a grown man to do.

Yes, but women are the ones taking part.

They can just ignore the magazines, stop thinking about it all from September, not book all the activities etc...

Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

I love this 🤣🤣🤣

Yes, we should all just ignore socialisation, peer pressure, and patriarchy.

I still think it's shit to say 'women make Christmas stressful', rather than 'women should put themselves first, and stop bowing to stressful social expectations. Not everything needs to be perfect'.

It isn't always the women. My DH gets himself into a frenzy trying to make everything perfect. Turkey can only be from 1 specific farm, 1 specific m and S stuffing etc. Decorating crazy. I have asked a few times if we can go away for Christmas, some lovely winter sun and a relax with someone else doing all the work. But no, 'it's for the children and they would worry santa wouldn't find us' - oldest (11) doesn't believe in santa and youngest (7) doesn't like people in costumes!

I mean… I had at least two (female ) posters implying I don’t love my family/I’m selfish/don’t care for not hosting at xmas.

my late husband loved our kind of chrustmas...full disclosure no kids. He loved choosing the tree, putting up decorations, ONE (we agreed on this) shopping and lunch out visit to town with private time for buying secrets.

Does he sort it all out or expects you to do it?

but does he do the work to make it happen? because if not fuck that and if he does then let him crack on.