Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

Completely agree with OP

I was an older first time parent, and clearly remember my Christmas's in the 60s and 70s and enjoying them.

I didn't do Elf or Xmas Eve Boxes or 10 choices of stuffing.

Our Christmas Dinner is basically a roast with added extras. We have turkey because we like it.

I do all the "run-up/work" leading up to Christmas, I admit to that, but as I don't do anything too elaborate, the additional tasks are fairly straight forward.

DS generally had a trip to see Santa at some point, but there are a few around here so it wasn't a faff and I usually went with friends taking their children so we had coffee and mince pie afterwards.

It's as complicated and stressful as you chose to make it.

Yeah well if you don't love your elderly parents or siblings and are happy to leave them alone on Christmas day, then that is up to you. Some of us actually care about our loved ones.

I do get your point and people sometimes do more than is really necessary. But I think often women are the cause of Christmas happening at all, so even a basic Christmas can be stressful

The most important thing I have taken from this thread is that transferring stress to your family by trying to create the perfect Christmas completely defeats the object. I recognise that I am in danger of doing this. I don’t do the Elf or Christmas Eve box thing but I do have my own Christmas ‘obsessions’.

I don’t want to be that person who had to leave the table after cooking Christmas lunch to go and have a lie down!

Thank you!

You have just written a whole long list of things that are entirely optional and are now complaining that women don't have as much choice as you think.

You do. Christmas roasts, pre Christmas events, booze, hosting these are all choices you make. You are free to make different choices, to do less of them if you want to. All that will happen is that Christmas will look different.

For example, hosting your dh's family to save your mil from doing it is madness if you don't enjoy it. Your mil is also free to say "enough" if she doesn't want to do it.

Obviously if you want Christmas to be exactly the same as ever but without the work - well, that's unrealistic. But you absolutely have the choice.

It's me and two kids for some Christmases, even me and one kids some years. We like Christmas at home.
I also get the same interrogation and sympathy, I have even been told I need to go to my parents - I'm a grown woman, I have hosted Christmas for years before being single so why do need to change? I doubt people ever ask my married brother and his wife why they are spending Christmas by themselves.

Christmas is in summer where I am, and I wonder if that influences the mood of the holiday. It's hot and languid, and no one can be fucked doing anything much.

We have a huge spread of delicious cold foods (with a focus on dessert) for lunch, mostly made by my husband, and I put the ornament-laden tree up on the 1st of December (because I love it) and take it down on the 1st of Feb (because I can't be bothered before then), and that's the only decoration we have. The hāngī at the in-laws on Christmas Eve is also my husband's job, haha.

When our kids were little we used to have elaborate themed treasure hunts each year that I enjoyed coming up with and writing, with presents at the end (they never believed in Father Christmas), but now that they're teenagers it's money for them and presents are only exchanged between us and our parents. We just sit around relaxing and eating with family.

People really do put too much effort in.

Yes and no - We avoided the stupid elf and don't do Christmas Eve boxes.

But - I love baking so doing biscuits/cakes it's not just for DD. Similar going to a concert (none of us likes Panto), a light walk, visit to a stately home - that's all because we like doing it as a family and even now as a couple with DD at uni.

Santa visit was when DD was 5 to her turning 9.

Presents - I work with lists, bring down expectations and don't think you need to add on a pile just because. All done by early December so I can enjoy the weekends.

I have a job which means from mid-December it is the definition of mayhem, I work each day apart from Christmas Day and Boxing Day or any delayed Bank Holiday. Luckily from home but until Covid I commuted each day into the City of London.
So I enjoy early December and do what I love, decorating, baking, trips.

And as we live in a different country to family - no problems with where to go or who to host. Bliss.

But in addition to my post above, I do think it's a little shit to say that 'women make Christmas stressful'.

Capitalism, adhering to social norms, and useless men who don't pull their weight also contribute to making Christmas stressful. Not women specifically.

Sadly I have to agree with you.
I am not a fan of Xmas. Pretty much can’t stand it so I don’t really participate. I know and have known countless women - and it’s always women- who complain about how stressful Xmas is. When I’ve questioned them on how and why it’s stressful for them, it’s always because of things they “have” to do. They don’t “have” to do them. They CHOOSE to. There’s a big difference.
But people will be upset if they don’t do these things! they cry…
Let them be upset.
If they’re that keen they’ll do it themselves.
I have zero sympathy.

Hmm. My stress comes from how much school and clubs have going on in the month I need to support, plus finding time for decorations and needing to think of and wrap presents for the big day, rather than going out looking for extras. We just go to the local shopping centre for Santa, walk there and back, usually combine it with some groceries. My husband takes charge of Christmas Day food cooking and prep, as did my Dad when I was growing up. In our family we've always considered this a 'man' thing- like doing the BBQ or lighting the fireworks.

This feels like rage bait. Or just being a bit too simplistic/surface level about it all and not really understanding why it's stressful for people. It's a mean spirited/silly solution to just blame women.

Capitalism is to blame really for making people feel like they need more - whether or not its aimed at women doesn't mean it's women's fault.

And ultimately Christmas can be quite an emotionally difficult time for people and it can be embarrassing to admit that you feel stressed because you're unhappy and lonely and feel the burden of caring for elderly relatives, or grief at losing a parent etc despite all the glitz and celebrations going on around you. So it feels easier and more socially acceptable to blame stress on elf on the shelf and booking panto tickets rather than just saying what you're actually sad about.

First cause = unfettered capitalism and marketing
second cause = patriarchy
third cause = individual womens choices.

I’m not very good at Christmas. I enjoy the feeling of anticipation on Christmas Eve but that’s about it. I enjoy the days between Christmas and New year when we just huddle at home. We don’t do ridiculous round trips to see family. We don’t organise lots of activities. People do what they want to do. If the kids want to ice skate with friends I’ll give them money. They’re old enough to take themselves into town for the lights if they want. I don’t send cards, my husband does most of the present buying as he knows I struggle with it. We enjoy putting up the tree together. I think we set expectations fairly low early on and thankfully everyone seems fine with it.

My DC is a bit indifferent to Santa visits. Does them because others do them, but if I didn't bother, it wouldn't be missed.

@LittleGreenShoots Oh yes, the school. I hated the Infant years, Junior was slightly better but also because they didn't expect so much parental help.

I don't mind the nativity or a play but an event each week and constant requests for one thing or the other.

Secondary was a breeze.

Capitalism isn't just some alien thing that happens to women though, it's something we are part of and help create. Women market Christmas to other women, and not just because they are innocent little puppets whose strings are being pulled by Big Evil Corporations.

For many of us work is stressful in December. We don't have any choice about attending that.

No.... but I did things on the list that the person I was replying to said didn't exist 20 years ago.

But, so what if it's half arsed cobbled together 80% affair?

The kids have presents, you're all fed and together. Tree is decorated etc.

Why does it need to be "109%"

This thread is over stated. Yes because of capitalism and social media some women do try and do too much and get incredibly stressed.
But if you listened to some on this thread the kids would have no presents they actually wanted, loved relatives would be alone all over the Christmas period, and dinner would be fish fingers and chips.
There is a middle ground.

YANBU.

Absolutely correct, OP. Women are responsible for the vast majority of Christmas madness, stress, overspending, family politicking & tensions etc etc and everyone knows it. If it was left to the men, a lot less would be organised & everyone would enjoy a much more relaxing day.

And it”s exactly the same, if not more so, with weddings. About which so many women become completely deranged & detached from reality. If men organised weddings, most would be a quick registry office do followed by a big piss-up.

Yup, especially when a lot of angst is caused by other women judging the lack of whatever they deem “essential “ for having a good Christmas. Because it’s rude,mean, unkind, selfish bla , bla fucking bla. Fuck.That.Shit.

Totally agree. I hate christmas now I've got a child, it's far too stressful. I've tried to keep it quite dialled back and similar to my childhood but it's still a lot. My 4 year old has never met santa or done a big christmas event, we don't make homemade biscuits or put out reindeer dust.

Realistically I don't like coming up with gifts for other people so my kid is spoilt and overstimulated and we have no room to store anything. I also don't enjoy buying for others but christmas wouldn't exist in this house if I didnt bother. I'd rather we all just got a few nice gifts off eachother and spent the day at home. I'm not sure why I'm buying for people I barely know just because!

😂